So I sort of figured I had the engagement ring thing all figured out. I'd wanted the simple platinum (or white gold, or silver, who cares) ring with a single solitaire diamond. Easy, right? Ha.Little did I know that the search for the engagment ring is your first full blown encounter with the Wedding Industrial Complex. The conversation goes a little like this: " You are getting married! Fantastic! There are so many things you must BUY BUY BUY! We don't care if you want these things or not! They are traditional! They are vital to your future happyness! Everyone Else is doing it! You don't want to look POOR do you?"
We started off at your run of the mill jewelers, and I'd tell them what size stone I was looking for and they would look disappointed, then giggle a little (who was I to know what I wanted, after all), then say they had the perfect thing. Then out would come a stone that would feed a family for a year. I have little hands. These rings looked crazy on me. And I didn't like the way the jewelers were looking at us. It creeped me out. They seemed to be implying that David would only be a Real Man if he ponied up three months salary on the ring. I didn't want to be the all American princess Barbie bride. I felt sort of panicked. Suddenly I didn't even want to be engaged anymore.
So, we stopped looking at engagement rings for a while. Then I realized to hell with these sleazy Jewelers, I knew what I wanted, and what we were comfortable with.
- A ring I could wear in a board room, and not be embarrassed by.
- A ring that wouldn't feel outdated in 10 or 15 years.
- Something that had character.
- Something I could wear in a third world country and not look like "HEY! I'M A AMERICAN! MUG ME!"
- Something I could wear doing work in a housing project or a soup kitchen or just back in San Bernardino where I grew up, and not look like a asshole.
- Something that was beautiful.
12 comments:
Gorgeous ring! I'm definitely going to try finding an antique ring as modern ones are just driving me mad!
yay for antique rings!
my engagement ring is from the 1930s and i just found a wedding band from the same era to go with it. not everyone understood our decision to go this route, but i can't imagine going any other route!
photos of the engagement ring: http://flickr.com/photos/intermittent/1213781481/
i find that next to the craftsmanship and style of my ring, new rings look gaudy and just designed to hold as many diamonds as possible. they were going for beauty back then, not one-ups-manship.
(not so great photos of the 1930s-era wedding band at http://itsloverly.googlepages.com/home
-scroll to the bottom)
Thanks both of you! Nicole, your ring is lovely, and my ring has almost exactly the same side view, but I can't get a good shot of it. We also have a band from the same era... it's a tiny and delicate eternity band with oval sapphires and round diamonds, but I'm too superstitious to post a picture just yet.
And I feel exactly the same way about modern rings. I wanted something small and handcrafted. The only bad thing is the weird feeling I get when I feel like people are judging me for it being small, when I wanted it that way!
Wedding Industrial Complex. Love it.
Agh. Try walking into one of those places and saying that you don't want a diamond at all. You can imagine, I'm sure.
(Which is why I'm walking around with a ring setting but no gem stone at present, giving many a nice passer-bye a heart attack when they think my stone has fallen out.)
I SOOOO want an antique ring. And I LOVE that San Bernardino is basically on par with a soup kitchen. Hilarity!
I'm a little to add but I've spent the better part of today going through your blog, in it's entirety, and have been marveling that someone, somewhere has similar thoughts, ideas, dreams and goals for their wedding. And then I stumbled across this post and I knew it. My qualifications for my perfect wedding ring was something I can travel and work in ( preferably globally) without being uncomfortable. I am one half of a young couple and price was a big issue, meaning he is very traditional and I am not. I found it absurd to spend more money than absolutely necessary on my ring. The other qualifications were that there was nothing new ( metal or stone. nothing like looking at a symbol of love and thinking of the horror it has seen just to be there, on your finger), and it couldn't scratch my face ( I am practical after all). Oh! as for style.. the metal work had to be pretty. And so.. we found a beautiful ring from the 1920s with hand cut filigree, a securely set diamond with no pokey things and best of all.. I have yet to take it off or avoid something due to it's hinderance. The people closest to me seem to all say the same thing when they first see it, "It's perfect for you." I choose to hear the emphasis on "it's perfect."
We found my ring at an antique store- rings, I should say. Got a matching bridal set circa 1950s- beautiful diamond, white gold- only $375 dollars. Can't get a deal like that in some mall jewelers. And yet the poor fiancee gets the odd, pity glance when we reveal that we went together to buy the ring. Like its admission of his inability to man up and go ring shopping by himself. Like its less romantic that the ring wasn't some surprise or something. sigh. :)
perfection. couldn't agree more wit your list. i got a 5 stone band for my engagement ring... technically a "wedding band", not an "engagement ring" by industry standards, and i couldn't adore it more. i'll be able to wear it forever and ever.
I grew up in a family that owned a jewellery store--(started by my great-grandfather)--it makes me sad when I hear stories like that about a jewellery store. I would NEVER laugh at someone about the ring they wanted. Our goal was to make people happy with the ring they chose--and size has nothing to do with it.
I'm only going to wear one ring, instead of a set, so I'm not wearing a ring until we get married and his sister and cousins ask all the time, what does the ring look like, how big is it, is it sparkly, sparkly??? It drives me crazy.
Congrats on your choice--its beautiful!
Meg, what was the name of the store in the Castro that you liked?
Brand X :)
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