Remember when wedding graduate Nicole wrote about her wedding cake disaster? Yeah, she just had an exact replica Christmas ornament of their wedding cake made. Hilarious.A perfect wedding day? Heaven forbid!
Picture by Pcorreia
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Taking A Joke
Remember when wedding graduate Nicole wrote about her wedding cake disaster? Yeah, she just had an exact replica Christmas ornament of their wedding cake made. Hilarious.A perfect wedding day? Heaven forbid!
Picture by Pcorreia
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Remember It, Remember Every Moment
I just got this email from VERY newly married reader Cindy. And All I can say is: getting married better feel like this! It just better. The best part? You know how everyone tells you that you won't remember your wedding day or your ceremony? Cindy did. I love that. You will be consumed by joy by the end of this post:We were both so in the moment. So clear minded and happy. I remember every moment of it and don't think I'll ever forget. I felt loved and calm, yet excited, and spent the entire weekend just knowing this was right.
While our wedding was traditional in many elements, we worked hard to make it our own and it paid off. My mom and I argued about flowers all year and I eventually gave in BUT I wore a wrist corsage so I could have my flowers with me ALL NIGHT. It was simple and lovely and inexpensive and wonderful.
Things I loved:
- Walking down the aisle to The Weakerthans - (Manifest). My dad had a mini freak out since it wasn't a romantic song but then smiled at me and patted me on the arm. Best. Feeling. Ever.
- Walking back down the aisle with my husband to Green Day - Pop Rocks and Coke, which solicited cheers from the crowd
- Having bouncers instead of bridesmaids, basically a couple of friends manned the doors and one of my girls, from LA, wore leg warmers! I loved it! It was like 20 degrees that day. Perfect.
- High fiving my bouncers on the way back out and shouting, "Yeah, Girlfrizzles!"
- The impromptu receiving line that had me running around hugging everyone like a maniac
- Our limo ride, which was a wonderful surprise gift from the best man
- Deciding at the last minute we wanted to be introduced as we entered the reception room, choosing "Hot for Teacher," and walking into the place like we were movie stars heading to the Emmy's. It was flashbulb fantastic!
- The cake. The cake. The cake. The cake. Oh my god, the cake.
- The dancing. Just about everyone got out there and moved. It was awesome.
- Despite choosing a dress without a train, my husband still managed to step on the edge of the dress and tear it. Two left feet on that guy. He said, "I'm just doomed, aren't I?" I laughed and told him it's just a freaking dress and it doesn't matter, it's coming off in a little while anyway. That seemed to cheer him up quite a bit.
Can I get a rousing cheer? Don't you all just want to stand up and wave your arms around and dance? Because H*ll yes. H*ell freaking yes. (I love you guys!)
This Is Why I Love Maggie Mason (nee Berry)
Do you read Mighty Girl? If you don't, you must, because Maggie is just about my favorite blogger of all time. I've been reading her for, well, years. It helps that she's five years older then I am and lives in San Francisco, so she's like that super cool slightly older girl who gives you something to live up to.
Anyway, I was digging through her archives, and stumbled upon this snippet from when she was getting married, filed under What Year Is It Again? I trust you will enjoy it:
An all-too-familiar excerpt from Here Comes the Guide Companion magazine Spring 2003:
"Don't forget: That man in the corner is your fiance. While you may have intended to plan the entire wedding yourself, consider including him in the process. Because he loves you, he'll tag along with you to the florist, caterer, photographer and wedding planner. And because he loves you, he'll forgive you for saying stream-of-consciousness things like, "Oh honey don't you just love this it's so adorable how does it look on me oooh I just have to have it!" Even though he probably won't share your boundless enthusiasm for picking out party favors or linens, he'll do what he can--chauffeur you around and say "uh-huh" a lot, despite the fact that he really doesn't understand much of what's going on."
Dear anonymous author,
Bite me.
Sincerely,
Maggie Berry
Excellent. I'm crossing that off my list of open letters that need writing. Phew.
Anyway, I was digging through her archives, and stumbled upon this snippet from when she was getting married, filed under What Year Is It Again? I trust you will enjoy it:
An all-too-familiar excerpt from Here Comes the Guide Companion magazine Spring 2003:
"Don't forget: That man in the corner is your fiance. While you may have intended to plan the entire wedding yourself, consider including him in the process. Because he loves you, he'll tag along with you to the florist, caterer, photographer and wedding planner. And because he loves you, he'll forgive you for saying stream-of-consciousness things like, "Oh honey don't you just love this it's so adorable how does it look on me oooh I just have to have it!" Even though he probably won't share your boundless enthusiasm for picking out party favors or linens, he'll do what he can--chauffeur you around and say "uh-huh" a lot, despite the fact that he really doesn't understand much of what's going on."
Dear anonymous author,
Bite me.
Sincerely,
Maggie Berry
Excellent. I'm crossing that off my list of open letters that need writing. Phew.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Words To Read When You Wed: Olives, Leaves
This weeks fabulous set of readings, as collected by Amanda of First Milk, bends towards the classics (see Part I). It ends with a passage that lights up my face, one Amanda selected without having any idea that I loved it so much I'd used it in a performance piece when I was just 21. So I give you images, readings, magical synergy. Amanda, take it away...
Gifts and ornaments, wishes, grins. For giving, for keeping, for sending off, raising high.
From THE ODYSSEY
--Homer, Translation by Robert Fitzgerald
There is our pact and pledge, our secret sign,
Built into that bed—my handiwork
And no one else’s!
An old trunk of olive
Grew like a pillar on the building plot,
And I laid out our bedroom round that tree,
Lined up the stone walls, built the walls and roof,
Gave it a doorway and smooth-fitting doors.
Then I lopped off the silver leaves and branches,
Hewed and shaped that stump from the roots up
Into a bedpost, drilled it, let it serve a model for the rest. I planed them all,
Inlaid them all with silver, gold and ivory,
And stretched a bed between—a pliant web
Of oxhide thongs died crimson.
There’s our sign!
From EPITHIMALION
--Edmund Spenser
And ye high heavens, the temple of the gods,
In which a thousand torches flaming bright
Doe burne that to us wretched earthly clods,
In dreadful darknesse lend desired light;
And all ye powers which in the same remayne
More than we men can fayne,
Poure out your blessing on us plenteously,
And happy influence upon us raine,
That we may raise a large posterity,
Which from the earth, which they may long possesse,
With lasting happinesse,
Up to your haughty palaces may mount,
And for the guerdon of theyr glorious merit
May heavily tabernacles there inherit,
Of blessed Saints for to increase the count.
So let us rest, sweet love, in hope of this,
And cease till then our timely joyes to sing,
The woods no more us answer, nor our eccho ring.
Song made in lieu of many ornaments,
With which m love should duly have bene dect,
Which cutting off through hasty accidents,
Ye would not stay your dew time to expect,
But promist both to recompens,
Be unto her a goodly ornament,
And for short time an endlesse moniment.
From ANNA KARENINA
--Leo Tolstoy
There was only anticipation—fear and joy of the new and the unknown. And in a few moments now, the anticipation and the unknown, the remorse and the renunciation of her old life—everything would come to an end, a new life would begin…
Turning again to the lectern, the priest with some difficulty picked up Kitty’s little ring, and, asking Levin for his hand, put it on the top of his finger. “With this ring I wed thee, Konstantin, servant of God, to the servant of God, Katherine.” And putting the big ring on Kitty’s slender, rosy finger, pathetic in its weakness, the priest repeated the same words.
Several times Levin and Kitty tried to guess what they had to do, and every time they were wrong and the priest corrected them in a whisper. At last, having done what was necessary, he again made the sign of the cross over them with the rings and again gave the large ring to Kitty and the little one to Levin, again they got confused and twice passed the rings backward and forward without getting it right.
Dolly, Chirikov, and Koznyshev came forward to help them. The result was more confusion, whispering, and smiles, but the touchingly solemn expression on the faces of the young couple did not change; on the contrary, while mixed up over their hands, they looked more serious and solemn than before, and the smile with which Oblonksy whispered to them to put on their rings involuntarily died on his lips. He could not help feeling that any kind of smile would hurt them.
From LEAVES OF GRASS
--Walt Whitman
I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches,
Without any companion it grew there uttering joyous of dark green,
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself,
But I wonder'd how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone there
without its friend near, for I knew I could not,
And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it and
twined around it a little moss,
And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room,
It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,
(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,)
Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly love;
For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana
solitary in a wide in a wide flat space,
Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend a lover near,
I know very well I could not.
From MOBY DICK
--Herman Melville
He seemed to take to me quite as naturally and unbiddenly as I to him; and when our smoke was over, he pressed his forehead against mind, clasped me round the waist, and said that henceforth we were married; meaning in his country’s phrase, that we were bosom friends; he would gladly die for me, if need should be…
After supper, and another social chat and smoke, we went to our room together. He made me a present of his embalmed head; took out his enormous tobacco wallet, and groping under the tobacco, drew out some thirty dollars in silver; then spreading them on the table, and mechanically dividing them into two equal portions, pushed one towards me, and said it was mine.
From STILL LIFE WITH WOODPECKER
-–Tom Robbins
Who knows how to make love stay?
1. Tell love you are going to Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.
Pictures: Tree and House via Flickr, Curtdeath; Louisiana Oak via Flickr, Nellie Vin, Bed via the fabulous fabulous fabulous Jen Gotch
Gifts and ornaments, wishes, grins. For giving, for keeping, for sending off, raising high.
From THE ODYSSEY--Homer, Translation by Robert Fitzgerald
There is our pact and pledge, our secret sign,
Built into that bed—my handiwork
And no one else’s!
An old trunk of olive
Grew like a pillar on the building plot,
And I laid out our bedroom round that tree,
Lined up the stone walls, built the walls and roof,
Gave it a doorway and smooth-fitting doors.
Then I lopped off the silver leaves and branches,
Hewed and shaped that stump from the roots up
Into a bedpost, drilled it, let it serve a model for the rest. I planed them all,
Inlaid them all with silver, gold and ivory,
And stretched a bed between—a pliant web
Of oxhide thongs died crimson.
There’s our sign!
From EPITHIMALION
--Edmund Spenser
And ye high heavens, the temple of the gods,
In which a thousand torches flaming bright
Doe burne that to us wretched earthly clods,
In dreadful darknesse lend desired light;
And all ye powers which in the same remayne
More than we men can fayne,
Poure out your blessing on us plenteously,
And happy influence upon us raine,
That we may raise a large posterity,
Which from the earth, which they may long possesse,
With lasting happinesse,
Up to your haughty palaces may mount,
And for the guerdon of theyr glorious merit
May heavily tabernacles there inherit,
Of blessed Saints for to increase the count.
So let us rest, sweet love, in hope of this,
And cease till then our timely joyes to sing,
The woods no more us answer, nor our eccho ring.
Song made in lieu of many ornaments,
With which m love should duly have bene dect,
Which cutting off through hasty accidents,
Ye would not stay your dew time to expect,
But promist both to recompens,
Be unto her a goodly ornament,
And for short time an endlesse moniment.
From ANNA KARENINA
--Leo Tolstoy
There was only anticipation—fear and joy of the new and the unknown. And in a few moments now, the anticipation and the unknown, the remorse and the renunciation of her old life—everything would come to an end, a new life would begin…
Turning again to the lectern, the priest with some difficulty picked up Kitty’s little ring, and, asking Levin for his hand, put it on the top of his finger. “With this ring I wed thee, Konstantin, servant of God, to the servant of God, Katherine.” And putting the big ring on Kitty’s slender, rosy finger, pathetic in its weakness, the priest repeated the same words.
Several times Levin and Kitty tried to guess what they had to do, and every time they were wrong and the priest corrected them in a whisper. At last, having done what was necessary, he again made the sign of the cross over them with the rings and again gave the large ring to Kitty and the little one to Levin, again they got confused and twice passed the rings backward and forward without getting it right.
Dolly, Chirikov, and Koznyshev came forward to help them. The result was more confusion, whispering, and smiles, but the touchingly solemn expression on the faces of the young couple did not change; on the contrary, while mixed up over their hands, they looked more serious and solemn than before, and the smile with which Oblonksy whispered to them to put on their rings involuntarily died on his lips. He could not help feeling that any kind of smile would hurt them.
From LEAVES OF GRASS--Walt Whitman
I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches,
Without any companion it grew there uttering joyous of dark green,
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself,
But I wonder'd how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone there
without its friend near, for I knew I could not,
And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it and
twined around it a little moss,
And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room,
It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,
(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,)
Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly love;
For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana
solitary in a wide in a wide flat space,
Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend a lover near,
I know very well I could not.
From MOBY DICK
--Herman Melville
He seemed to take to me quite as naturally and unbiddenly as I to him; and when our smoke was over, he pressed his forehead against mind, clasped me round the waist, and said that henceforth we were married; meaning in his country’s phrase, that we were bosom friends; he would gladly die for me, if need should be…
After supper, and another social chat and smoke, we went to our room together. He made me a present of his embalmed head; took out his enormous tobacco wallet, and groping under the tobacco, drew out some thirty dollars in silver; then spreading them on the table, and mechanically dividing them into two equal portions, pushed one towards me, and said it was mine.
From STILL LIFE WITH WOODPECKER-–Tom Robbins
Who knows how to make love stay?
1. Tell love you are going to Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.
Pictures: Tree and House via Flickr, Curtdeath; Louisiana Oak via Flickr, Nellie Vin, Bed via the fabulous fabulous fabulous Jen Gotch
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sponsor Introduction: Emily Takes Photos
You know how, whenever you read tips about planning a budget wedding one of the tips is always "Find a photographer who's really talented and just getting started shooting weddings, and hire them. You'll get tons of great pictures at a fraction of the cost!" You read the tip. You read it again. And then you take a deep breath and yell at the magazine/ computer screen, "Well if I new how to find this TALENTED yet AFFORDABLE photographer, I WOULDN'T NEED YOUR HELP, WOULD I??"Or maybe it's just me with the occasional wedding rage issues.
Well, today I'm really excited to introduce APW's newest sponsor, who is just that kind of photographer, Emily Takes Photos. Emily has been a friend of this blog for quite a long time and I featured one of her weddings way back here. She is an amazing talent, and she's just getting started as a wedding photographer, so for the moment, you can get her for less than she's worth. Northern California couples, take note!
And, if this isn't cool enough, I've got even better news:
- The first couple who books her through this site gets a whopping 25% off. Since her rates start at $1,000 for a wedding and an engagement session (with jpeg images, thank you very much), we're talking about booking a great photographer in expensive Northern California for $750! Annnnddddd.... GO!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
*Our* Wedding Party
I've written quite a bit about alternative wedding party models. I wrote about having your family as your wedding party, having a bridal brigade, and your great suggestions for having the people you love the most near you on your wedding day. But. I realized I never wrote about what we decided on for our wedding party. Funny thing that - starting a blog to write about your wedding and then forgetting to write about it.So: long story short. Figuring out what kind of wedding party made sense has been one of the hardest parts of wedding planning for us. The traditional wedding party - long lines of friends in pretty matching frocks and tuxes - never felt quite right to us. David said it felt like prom with all the matchy-matchy, I said it felt like picking kickball teams out of our friends (and someone was going to end up left out).* At the same time, not having anyone stand up with us didn't feel right either. We have siblings and old friends who we wanted to include in some formal way. So, we pondered and pondered, and hemmed and hawed, and every time we settled on a solution something really dramatic would happen that would screw the whole plan up and we'd have to start again from scratch. Fun times, wedding planning. But, with lots of thought, and wonderful examples from friends and the indie wedding planning community, we figured it out.
Luckily for us, Jewish weddings have a small pile of honors you can pass out, and we've passed out honors to friends and loved ones. We are including people in the wedding party by asking them to perform certain ritual responsibilities in the wedding. The core of our 'wedding party' is this: We've asked four people to be our huppah holders: my sister, David's brother, and two long time friends. We've asked two people to be readers at the wedding: Our new sister-in-law and another old friend. We asked a dear friend who is in rabbinical school to perform the cantoral (musical) duties. We've asked the women in the wedding party to wear jewel toned dresses, and the men to wear dark suits. Everyone can pick something to wear that they love, and many people are wearing things they already have, which is fantastic. Since we're having a flower decorating party the day before, all of the women can make themselves some floral decorations, so they should feel sassy and pretty on the day itself.
The great thing for us is that this wedding party model is really flexible. We've asked key people to participate, but as time goes on, we will probably ask aunts and uncle's and cousins to do other small things: say a blessing, bring up a kiddush cup, pass out programs. We'll ask friends to help out in other ways: witnessing our ketubah signing, helping to set up the wedding picnic, helping to coordinate some day of details, wandering around with a Polaroid camera and taking artsy pictures. We want our wedding to feel like a day when we make an important commitment in front of our community, so we're not feeling very shy about asking that community to pitch in on the celebration. We may be forming a jewel toned kickball team, but it's a big one, and it's pretty amorphous.
One final note: since we're having a Jewish wedding, our parents to stand up with us. In a Jewish wedding the groom is walked down the aisle first, by both of his parents. His parents then stand beside the huppah. The bride is walked down the aisle last by both of her parents, who stand on the other side of the huppah. They then proceed to cry hysterically in stiletto heels about two inches away from you (well, the moms at least). And hurrah for that. On our wedding day, we'll be surrounded by the people who have known us the longest: our parents, our siblings, and some friends who can't quite shake us no matter what they do. And that is good enough for me.
*I'm not at all saying it's not right for other people. It's delightfully right for lots of couples, and good for them. Figuring all this out is a headache I wouldn't have minded skipping.
Photo by Jenny Jimenez from this wedding
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Sarafina & TJ's San Diego-Style LGBTQ Wedding
I'm really over the moon about getting to share my very first reader wedding with a transgendered partner. If the wedding world has gotten slightly more accepting of our L-G-B brothers and sisters, it still offers next to no resources or models for Trans or otherwise gender queer couples who are choosing to marry, and it's time that we all brought a bit more awareness to this issue. I want to draw your attention to Offbeat Bride's excellent artical on Transgender Grooms, and other than that, I'm going to let Sarafina take it away:
From Sarafina: My hubby is Transgendered, and has been living as my sweet guy for almost two years now (we have been together for 5+ years). He is truly the love of my life and I could not be happier to have found someone I love and respect so much! That said, we are truly just like everyone else. Since we had a outpouring of love from family and friends through the planning process and the “day of”—I offer our experience as a glimmer of hope to others who think that their family will never accept them, that they will never find someone who loves them for who they are, or that they cannot “afford” to celebrate their love just as proudly and loudly as anyone else!
Your first names: Sarafina & TJ
Where your wedding was held? The ceremony was held in the Casa De Moro gardens space behind The Prado in Balboa Park, San Diego. The reception was held in a beautiful upstairs Loggia Room at The Prado Restaurant. TJ & I went on many dates there in the beginning of our relationship-- so it was a natural choice.
What made your wedding creative?
We had a ceremony that we wrote ourselves during a dinner with our good friend Carolina—who is an “elder” in San Diego’s LGBT Latino community (I put that word in quotes because she does not want to be thought of as “old”!) . She offered to preside over our ceremony and we immediately said “Yes!” Having someone you know and respect guiding you through the experience made such a difference to us.
It was very personal and just the right amount of spiritual (Buddhism). We felt blessed to have someone we respect so much perform our ceremony!!
Many other details: Dahlias were the main flower for our wedding (they symbolize dignity—which is what you get back when you experience equality ) and they were used on the front of invite and in our centerpieces.
My Aunt walked me down the aisle and “presented” me…instead of “giving me away.” Our RSVP cards requested guests give their “top 3” songs that they wanted to dance to or hear during the wedding…which helped keep people dancing throughout the reception and listening for “their song”. The majority of our vendors were “friendors” & locals from our hood…Our friend, DJ Sandra B. Ware, did the honors of spinning during the event, our friend Phil took the photos, our Cousin Stacey made her beloved biscotti cookies for everyone as favors…these doubled as table cards. Friends were encouraged to donate to the “No on 8” Campaign in lieu of wedding gifts...
We had a picture display of weddings of our family members and guests and encouraged people to bring theirs and add their pictures to the display (many did and enjoyed this). We kept our sense of humor involved…I surprised TJ with a Transformer Groom’s Cake…and his vow’s included promising to teach me how to do laundry…
What made your wedding thrifty (whatever that meant for you)?
We paid for our own wedding and our own honeymoon and we were super-proud of the results. Still, since we were on our own, we had to be double-careful of the budget- especially since we wanted really yummy food… and a “casual elegance” vibe. We ended up spending a little over 9,000 on everything…that included the rehearsal dinner for 20 people, out-of-town gift bags, hair and makeup for me and my best lady and Auntie…and all the “little extras” that most people don’t count in their budget!
What made your wedding sane?
After a summer filled with watching many LGBT couples we admired (who had been together for years and years) FINALLY receive the right to get married and working to fight for the No on 8 campaign…there was no way that we could caught up in "details". We had a renewed respect for the institution of marriage…which gave us a renewed respect for the process of planning to get married J We kept our heads about us, and had a lot of fun planning a party with family and friends involved! When Dj Sandra announced the last song-- our entire family linked arms in a semi-circle while we danced in the center…how is THAT for love and acceptance? And how is that for a magical wedding moment!?!
Congratulations to both of you, and thank you so much for sharing your wedding with all of us. May your wedding help inspire each of us to keep fighting, in ways both small and big, to give everyone the dignity that comes with marrage equality, in every single state of our union. Cheers to you both!
Pictures by Phil Collum Photography
From Sarafina: My hubby is Transgendered, and has been living as my sweet guy for almost two years now (we have been together for 5+ years). He is truly the love of my life and I could not be happier to have found someone I love and respect so much! That said, we are truly just like everyone else. Since we had a outpouring of love from family and friends through the planning process and the “day of”—I offer our experience as a glimmer of hope to others who think that their family will never accept them, that they will never find someone who loves them for who they are, or that they cannot “afford” to celebrate their love just as proudly and loudly as anyone else!Your first names: Sarafina & TJ
Where your wedding was held? The ceremony was held in the Casa De Moro gardens space behind The Prado in Balboa Park, San Diego. The reception was held in a beautiful upstairs Loggia Room at The Prado Restaurant. TJ & I went on many dates there in the beginning of our relationship-- so it was a natural choice.What made your wedding creative?
We had a ceremony that we wrote ourselves during a dinner with our good friend Carolina—who is an “elder” in San Diego’s LGBT Latino community (I put that word in quotes because she does not want to be thought of as “old”!) . She offered to preside over our ceremony and we immediately said “Yes!” Having someone you know and respect guiding you through the experience made such a difference to us.
It was very personal and just the right amount of spiritual (Buddhism). We felt blessed to have someone we respect so much perform our ceremony!!Many other details: Dahlias were the main flower for our wedding (they symbolize dignity—which is what you get back when you experience equality ) and they were used on the front of invite and in our centerpieces.
My Aunt walked me down the aisle and “presented” me…instead of “giving me away.” Our RSVP cards requested guests give their “top 3” songs that they wanted to dance to or hear during the wedding…which helped keep people dancing throughout the reception and listening for “their song”. The majority of our vendors were “friendors” & locals from our hood…Our friend, DJ Sandra B. Ware, did the honors of spinning during the event, our friend Phil took the photos, our Cousin Stacey made her beloved biscotti cookies for everyone as favors…these doubled as table cards. Friends were encouraged to donate to the “No on 8” Campaign in lieu of wedding gifts...
We had a picture display of weddings of our family members and guests and encouraged people to bring theirs and add their pictures to the display (many did and enjoyed this). We kept our sense of humor involved…I surprised TJ with a Transformer Groom’s Cake…and his vow’s included promising to teach me how to do laundry…What made your wedding thrifty (whatever that meant for you)?
We paid for our own wedding and our own honeymoon and we were super-proud of the results. Still, since we were on our own, we had to be double-careful of the budget- especially since we wanted really yummy food… and a “casual elegance” vibe. We ended up spending a little over 9,000 on everything…that included the rehearsal dinner for 20 people, out-of-town gift bags, hair and makeup for me and my best lady and Auntie…and all the “little extras” that most people don’t count in their budget!
What made your wedding sane?After a summer filled with watching many LGBT couples we admired (who had been together for years and years) FINALLY receive the right to get married and working to fight for the No on 8 campaign…there was no way that we could caught up in "details". We had a renewed respect for the institution of marriage…which gave us a renewed respect for the process of planning to get married J We kept our heads about us, and had a lot of fun planning a party with family and friends involved! When Dj Sandra announced the last song-- our entire family linked arms in a semi-circle while we danced in the center…how is THAT for love and acceptance? And how is that for a magical wedding moment!?!
Congratulations to both of you, and thank you so much for sharing your wedding with all of us. May your wedding help inspire each of us to keep fighting, in ways both small and big, to give everyone the dignity that comes with marrage equality, in every single state of our union. Cheers to you both!Pictures by Phil Collum Photography
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Words To Read When You Wed: Water, Wine
I'm so excited to introduce Amanda's first post on words to read at your wedding. The only advice I can offer is that if you love these passages, but they are feeling a little dense to read over lunch at your desk, print them out. I've printed them out myself, and I've been reading them at night before I go to sleep. I find a bit more inside them each day. Without further ado, I'm going to let Amanda herself explain how she picked the texts.
I tried to stay away from religious texts (not because I don't think they're appropriate and full of lovely, but because folks have such strong feelings about them, and because many of them are so well-known) and Shakespeare (obviously, even Sonnet 116, which was very hard to ignore), and found myself drawn toward passages that I love anyway--not just for weddings. There isn't a lot about love, I'm afraid, because I figure by the time folks are getting married, well, there's just more to it than that squishy kind of love. And I tried to come up with passages with which people might not be so familiar (or might simply have forgotten about), some of which are classic, and some of which are more modern. That's all.
This week, a collection of those that cry to me of lovely and transformation, of what is real, what is full, what is peaceful, waves, swells. As for the whys and wherefores of choosing, I’m not sure I have much to say—it is my hope that these pieces will sing for themselves.
THE POEMS OF OUR CLIMATE
--Wallace Stevens
I
Clear water in a brilliant bowl,
Pink and white carnations. The light
In the room more like a snowy air,
Reflecting snow. A newly-fallen snow
At the end of winter when afternoons return.
Pink and white carnations--one desires
So much more than that. The day itself
Is simplified: a bowl of white,
Cold, a cold porcelain, low and round,
With nothing more than the carnations there.
II
Say even that this complete simplicity
Stripped one of all one's torments, concealed
The evilly compounded, vital I
And made it fresh in a world of white,
A world of clear water, brilliant-edged,
Still one would want more, one would need more,
More than a world of white and snowy scents.
III
There would still remain the never-resting mind,
So that one would want to escape, come back
To what had been so long composed.
The imperfect is our paradise.
Note that, in this bitterness, delight,
Since the imperfect is so hot in us,
Lies in flawed words and stubborn sounds.
CHILDREN RUNNING THROUGH
-- Rumi, Trans: Coleman Barks with John Moyne
I used to be shy.
You made me sing.
I used to refuse things at table.
Now I shout for more wine.
In somber dignity, I used to sit
on my mat and pray.
Now children run through
and make faces at me.
RAISE HIGH THE ROOF BEAM, CARPENTER
--J.D. Salinger
When I’d checked into the bathroom with Seymour’s diary under my arm, and had carefully secured the door behind me, I spotted a message almost immediately. It was not, however, in Seymour’s handwriting but, unmistakably, in my sister Boo Boo’s. With or without soap, her handwriting was always almost indecipherably minute, and she had easily managed to post the following message up on the mirror; “Raise high the roof beam, carpenters. Like Ares comes the bridegroom, taller far than a tall man. Love, Irving Sappho, formerly under contract to Elysium Studios Ltd. Please be happy happy happy with your beautiful Muriel. This is an order. I outrank everybody on this block.” … I read and reread the quotation, and then I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and opened Seymour’s diary.
THE LITTLE PRINCE
-- Antoine De Saint Exupery
“Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike… But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat."
STILL LIFE WITH WOODPECKER
--Tom Robbins
The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and the vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. Loving makes love. Loving makes itself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love. Wouldn't that be the way to make love stay?
Photos via Flickr, from capturedbythelight and Siebe
**I am supposed to note to you, though it hardly seems worth noting, that the Rumi passage was my suggestion to Amanda. It's a old love of mine.
I tried to stay away from religious texts (not because I don't think they're appropriate and full of lovely, but because folks have such strong feelings about them, and because many of them are so well-known) and Shakespeare (obviously, even Sonnet 116, which was very hard to ignore), and found myself drawn toward passages that I love anyway--not just for weddings. There isn't a lot about love, I'm afraid, because I figure by the time folks are getting married, well, there's just more to it than that squishy kind of love. And I tried to come up with passages with which people might not be so familiar (or might simply have forgotten about), some of which are classic, and some of which are more modern. That's all.
This week, a collection of those that cry to me of lovely and transformation, of what is real, what is full, what is peaceful, waves, swells. As for the whys and wherefores of choosing, I’m not sure I have much to say—it is my hope that these pieces will sing for themselves.
THE POEMS OF OUR CLIMATE--Wallace Stevens
I
Clear water in a brilliant bowl,
Pink and white carnations. The light
In the room more like a snowy air,
Reflecting snow. A newly-fallen snow
At the end of winter when afternoons return.
Pink and white carnations--one desires
So much more than that. The day itself
Is simplified: a bowl of white,
Cold, a cold porcelain, low and round,
With nothing more than the carnations there.
II
Say even that this complete simplicity
Stripped one of all one's torments, concealed
The evilly compounded, vital I
And made it fresh in a world of white,
A world of clear water, brilliant-edged,
Still one would want more, one would need more,
More than a world of white and snowy scents.
III
There would still remain the never-resting mind,
So that one would want to escape, come back
To what had been so long composed.
The imperfect is our paradise.
Note that, in this bitterness, delight,
Since the imperfect is so hot in us,
Lies in flawed words and stubborn sounds.
CHILDREN RUNNING THROUGH
-- Rumi, Trans: Coleman Barks with John Moyne
I used to be shy.
You made me sing.
I used to refuse things at table.
Now I shout for more wine.
In somber dignity, I used to sit
on my mat and pray.
Now children run through
and make faces at me.
RAISE HIGH THE ROOF BEAM, CARPENTER
--J.D. Salinger
When I’d checked into the bathroom with Seymour’s diary under my arm, and had carefully secured the door behind me, I spotted a message almost immediately. It was not, however, in Seymour’s handwriting but, unmistakably, in my sister Boo Boo’s. With or without soap, her handwriting was always almost indecipherably minute, and she had easily managed to post the following message up on the mirror; “Raise high the roof beam, carpenters. Like Ares comes the bridegroom, taller far than a tall man. Love, Irving Sappho, formerly under contract to Elysium Studios Ltd. Please be happy happy happy with your beautiful Muriel. This is an order. I outrank everybody on this block.” … I read and reread the quotation, and then I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and opened Seymour’s diary.
THE LITTLE PRINCE-- Antoine De Saint Exupery
“Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike… But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat."
STILL LIFE WITH WOODPECKER
--Tom Robbins
The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and the vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. Loving makes love. Loving makes itself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love. Wouldn't that be the way to make love stay?
Photos via Flickr, from capturedbythelight and Siebe
**I am supposed to note to you, though it hardly seems worth noting, that the Rumi passage was my suggestion to Amanda. It's a old love of mine.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Bonus Friday: Practical Wedding Wish List
One of my personal mission statements for this site is to share weddings that don't get much cultural airplay. I've had the luck to be able to share budget weddings, betwixt and between weddings, weddings with kids, and LGBTQ weddings. But, in the end, I can only share real weddings that readers send me, so I thought I would send out to the universe/internets my wish list. I'd like to share:
- Gay male weddings (I haven't had even one!!)
- Weddings of older adults (re-marrying or marrying for the first time)
- More betwixt and between weddings (not super budget but not *even* WIC? I'm your girl.)
- Transgender weddings
- Weddings of people of color
Words, Delicious
I'm delighted to tell you that starting next week the fabulous Amanda of First Milk will be doing a series of guest posts on 'words to read at your wedding.' If you read Amanda's blog, you'll know that she uses words with grace and precision, like she has a personal love affair with each one. Because of this, I asked Amanda if she would pick some readings that would work for weddings. I think we can all agree that First Corinthians, while (achem) classic, is perhaps a *tad* over used. I know that many of you, like us, are casting a wide net, and trying to figure out some interesting and evocative readings to use for your ceremony.One of the things that I hate most about most wedding resources is that they read like they have been written for an exceedingly dull seventh grader (wedding magazines, I'm looking at you). So, in collecting these readings, we didn't go easy on you. We kept in mind that Team Practical is a collection of bright and well educated individuals who just happen to be getting married. I hope that this collection of words challenges you and makes you think. And most of all, I hope you find something in it that speaks to you.
Amanda is doing three posts, on the first day of the next three weeks. Stay tuned for Tuesday. And Amanda, welcome!
Photo via MorBCN's Flickr
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Recent Practical Advice
From My Grandmother:
From My Friends:
- Choose a dress you can wear again - out dancing.
- The good thing about a wedding is it happens no matter what occurs (including a blizzard, a car wreck, total photography failure, and severe allergic reactions, all of which happened at her wedding. And yes, she giggled while she told me about it.)
- Buying expensive shoes might not be a bad idea if they are made well enough to be comfortable and you can wear them many more times.
From My Friends:
- Just remember, it's not a wedding if someone doesn't cry (and not from joy during the ceremony).
- Advice From A Bride: Don't mix Valium and champagne for the wedding, even if you just broke your leg. Not good.
- Advice From A Groom: Mixing Valium and champagne makes the whole thing much more pleasant.
- When you look around and say "Didn't we use to talk about things other than the wedding? What happened?" Then your ready to get married.
- After the wedding, you're over it. Whatever centerpiece you picked? Yeah. You're not going to care.
- For God's sake, have fun.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Down To The River
I know you all saw this freaking incredible wedding on Once Wed, but I *had* to talk about how much I loved that they walked down the forest path (!) to their beach wedding to a blue grass band playing I Went Down To The River To Pray. I love the song, I love how grounded it is, and I love how beautifully symbolic it is for a wedding by a body of water.We need more creative use of old standards in weddings, so say I! And can I mention how much I adore the new indie wedding trend of Bluegrass bands?
Photo by Braedon Photography
Jenn and Martyn's Urbanite Wedding
Today's wedding is one of those betwixt and between celebrations that I have such a soft spot for: not over the top, but not super minimalist either. (Lovely readers, send me more of these weddings!) Jenn and Martyn's city wedding was shot by the fabulous Kate Headley, and you can see more of it over here.
Let me count the ways I love this wedding: They used Falling Slowly as the song in their ceremony, and you know how I love that song.
They took the subway to their reception. Siigghhh....
And it had that big city no-fuss magic.
Yay! Cheers to you both! May the subway always remind you of that very first day in the very first chapter of your brand new book together.
Photos by Kate Headley
Let me count the ways I love this wedding: They used Falling Slowly as the song in their ceremony, and you know how I love that song.
They took the subway to their reception. Siigghhh....
And it had that big city no-fuss magic.
Yay! Cheers to you both! May the subway always remind you of that very first day in the very first chapter of your brand new book together.Photos by Kate Headley
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
It's Not Just One Day
An excellent wedding rule:
Do have fun. It might be more work when you DIY or have to really search and barter, but the fact is it's not just one day! It can be a whole little journey where you connect with your family and friends and rediscover just how exciting it can be to say "I Love You!"
Do you know that in Judaism, your wedding starts the moment that you get engaged, and only ends a year after your wedding? I love this, because for me the process has been so enlightening, and the journey is perhaps as important as the destination.
via: this post, written by this lady
Do have fun. It might be more work when you DIY or have to really search and barter, but the fact is it's not just one day! It can be a whole little journey where you connect with your family and friends and rediscover just how exciting it can be to say "I Love You!"
Do you know that in Judaism, your wedding starts the moment that you get engaged, and only ends a year after your wedding? I love this, because for me the process has been so enlightening, and the journey is perhaps as important as the destination.
via: this post, written by this lady
Shrugs and Feathers
I stumbled upon pictures of this amazing wedding on photographer Thayer Allyson Gowdy's site, and I had to share them. First off, I'm in love with the bride's jacket. One of the very first things I ever posted on this site was about bridal shrugs, and now that I know what my dress is going to look like, I'm going back to my roots to try to figure out how I'm going to stay warm. I'm getting married in the Bay Area in August, which means it will either be hot-hot-hot, or freezing and wrapped in fog. So, needless to say, I need a backup plan.
Second of all, can we *talk* about her flowers?? Swoon! I know that everyone says that when you are DIY/DIT-ing your flowers you should keep it simple, but I'm absolutely not in that camp. Be brave! Be brave! Flowers are not scary! (Perfectionism is scary) Which is a fancy way of saying: I love feathers! I want feathers in my bouquet! I need to remember to buy some feathers.Mmmmm.... feathers.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sponsored Post: Free Wedding Dress Giveaway
One of APW's sponsors, PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com, is running a contest to give away a $1500 wedding dress of your choice. Wheee! The site features dresses in all ranges of prices and styles, so go, look around, enter the contest. The dress above, which I'm a little bit in love with, is less than $1500 - so if you win the contest it would be free, free, free. You have until February 28th to enter, with a limit of one entry per person per day. So go, look, play, enjoy. And good luck. I really want one of you to win it.
A Long Engagment
When I saw Joanna's fabulous engagement pictures for the first time (and I know you've seen them, how great are they?) I was overwhelmed with a feeling of nostalgia... thinking about how exciting it felt to be newly engaged, how over the moon we were with that feeling of shiny new beginnings. The pictures capture that feeling better than I've ever seen it captured on film. After looking at the pictures for a few minutes, I realized that we were, after all, still engaged - we had every right to still feel like we were being lifted off the ground by joy and a giant pink balloon.When I get to the end of the road, I promise to report back to you about what having a 18 month engagement was like in the end... but right now I can just tell you that it feels very long. We've been engaged for 10 months, and we have another 8 to go until the wedding. We picked a long engagement mostly because we knew it would help us keep the wedding more affordable, and it has. We were able to book an affordable bay area venue that books up a year and a half in advance. We've had time to make the dress. We had time to experiment with doing the flowers. All of this is great. Having extra time can be a great way to get good deals. But there is also something very draining about being in an expectant state of waiting for over a year.
The engagement has ended up being a incredible emotional journey for me, and it hasn't all been easy, but I'm not sure I would give any of it up. But, I'm happy that we're beginning to pull out of our mid-engagement slump. Soon it will be just 6 months until the wedding (and the one year anniversary of our engagement all at once). We'll celebrate, and then, suddenly, the wedding will feel just around the corner, and the excitement will start all over again. At first I was excited to be engaged, I was shocked and thrilled every time I saw that bit of sparkle on my finger. Now, I'm excited by the shiny new thing of marriage at the end of the road (and the extra sparkle I'll get on my finger then.)
In the meantime, prepare for a few more posts on things like - pretty flowers! pretty vases! pretty programs! As I get myself excited all over again for the event itself.
Did any of you have long engagements? Are any of you in the middle of long engagements? Do you have words of wisdom to share?
Photo by the amazing Max Wanger
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sponsor Introduction: Loren Weltsch Photography
I am thrilled to be writing a sponsor post for Loren Weltsch Photography, and when I tell you Northern California brides that you should check her out, I might be understating things a bit. For me, the first quality qualifying you for wedding elf status is personality. We all want someone around us on our wedding day that makes us feel happy (not wedding industry icky). We want a photographer who makes us grin just a little bit wider, and who makes us feel a little bit more stunning. Loren Weltsch is that kind of photographer. She's been a fan and supporter of the site for many moons, and I've blogged one of her stunning weddings and a whimsical baby shower she threw (and photographed) on a practical budget.But here is the bottom line: she gets practical brides. She was one. She sends me encouraging emails, and I'm not even a client. And, it pretty much goes without saying, she takes a magnificent picture. Now, go check her out.
Bonus Friday: Kara Returns!
For 2009, in an effort to keep myself sane, I'm introducing bonus Friday posts (ie, if you get a post on Friday, bonus!) Being committed to just four big posts a week will help keep me sane, and I've tried to convince myself that you all will feel just as fondly towards me, even if I post less on Fridays. Hopefully this is true.The very first Bonus Friday is a good one. You all requested more details from Kara and Drew's FIERCE wedding. And well, I wanted you to have them, and so did Kara. So, Kara created an amazing Flickr page for you all with endless information and details. Go, bathe yourself in beautiful wedding porn. It is Friday, after all.
(update: link fixed)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Collective Wisdom: Wholesale Flowers
Because we are smarter together than we are apart, I wanted to pass on this reader question. It's a good one.I'm looking into ordering my flowers wholesale and arranging them myself and wonder if you have any recommendations or tips in what to look for when researching and what to avoid? - Amy
Please chip in with wholesale flower websites that you've used (within the US or internationally - Team Practical International should not be excluded), and what tips you have to pass on.
My personal advice is simply this: if you live near a big city, go to the local flower mart. We're sourcing all the flowers for our wedding from the fabulous San Francisco Flower Mart (though oddly, we're still searching for a good source for local wild plants - namely Jasmine and blackberry bramble). Now, your turn. Go!
How To Make A Wedding Dress
Remember how I said that experience arranging flowers was not necessary for doing your wedding flowers? Well, I still think that. However, when it comes to sewing a wedding dress, I think experience is a very very good thing. If you've never sewn a dress before, go out and sew a few. Figure out what you are doing, and then decide if you want to take on your wedding dress. It's not an impossible project, not at all, but it's complicated, and takes skill.
My sister, my mother and I (and yes, David too) tackled Project Wedding Dress over Christmas break. It was more complicated and more time consuming than we expected (of course). It lead to Project Runway like, down to the wire, midnight sew-offs. And, in the end, it was far more rewarding than I'd ever imagined. The dress isn't quite done yet, and I reserve the right to complain about it later (remember that!) Sadly, you are not going to see the finished project till August, I'm afraid, just hints and whispers. But! I've had requests to walk you through the process, so here we go!
Step 1: Pick Your Pattern
My pattern is a vintage Vogue pattern. Pretty, no? Squee!
The key to picking a pattern is to pick something where you like the basic construction - this dress has princess seams, no true waist, and pleating. Those are elements of the pattern would be next to impossible to change.
Step 2 - Pick Your Fabric
Once you have your pattern, you'll have a pretty good idea of what kind of fabric you need. I've already written about my fabric search, but I was looking for a mid-weight silk - and I found the worlds most beautiful blush-toned off-white silk. Swoon.
Step 3 - Decide On Simple Modifications
This is the time to decide what small tweaks you want to make to the pattern. On my pattern, we decided to take off the sleeves, adjust the neckline a bit, and remove the yoke around the neck. These small changes made the dress feel like it was mine, but didn't change the fundamental construction of the dress.
Step 4 - Muslin Mock Up
While this step is truly a monumental pain, I would not, under any circumstances, suggest skipping this step. It's where all the really hard work is done. At this point, you take your measurements, get the pattern out, cut and mark the fabric, make the small modifications you are planning (no sleeves for us!), and sew up the dress. What you now have is a weird muslin dress. It's going to be HUGE on you (I'm a street size 4, according to Vogue I was a size 12, we sewed a size 10, and it was still pretty darn big at this point). It's also, frankly, not going to be very flattering at this point (see below) but don't freak out. It will be.
Step 5 - Alterations, Alterations, Alterations
This step takes an incredible about of skill. And unless you are a four-armed double-jointed sewing genius, you can't do it for yourself. Put on your muslin mock up. Stand in front of the mirror. Try not to wiggle (ha!). Get a sister, or another wise seamstress, to get out her pins and pin that dress like mad, until it fits like it is supposed to. Now is the time to discuss the neckline (is it working? Should you open it up more? Do you want to change the shape a bit?) and the length. Discuss if the dress is comfortable and how you feel in it. discuss all the little things.
Next up. The dress comes off (carefully, it's full of pins). The head seamstress takes out a needle and thread and bastes in all the alterations she's made (another option: the seamstress can actually do the basting alterations while you are in the dress). After this, try it on one last time, to make sure it fits.
Step 6 - Altering The Paper Pattern
The muslin dress is carefully cut apart. The head seamstress laid it back out on the original pattern and carefully transfers all the alterations that have been made on to the paper (This step is half skill and half voodoo magic, if you ask me).
Step 7 - Cut And Mark Your Fabric
At this point in our process, we were running tremendously behind. My pattern looks simple, but BOY is it not. The alterations had eaten up two full days, and we were due back in San Francisco. So, David and I stayed up until midnight, cracking Project Runway jokes, and ever so carefully cutting and marking yards and yards of silk. Cutting your fabric is an exercise in precision. After the magic that has gone into altering the pattern, you want to cut extremely precisely, and make sure the fabric is laid exactly the right way on the grain of the fabric. After it is all cut, you'll use thread to mark all the indicated points in the fabric.
Step 8 - Baste The Dress Together
Those who are weak of heart, do not even read this step! Because at this point, I swear to god, you will hand sew the entire dress together in medium-sized basting stitches (that's me doing just that in the picture). It sounds crazy, and it sort of is, but I have to say, I enjoyed this part the most. My sister and I sat there, and in a true old world fashion, hand sewed my entire wedding dress. When it was done, I tried it on to make sure it fit, and we made final adjustments. Because you have just basted the dress, if anything is still not working, you can pull the stitches out and fix it.
Step 9 - Sew That D*mn Dress Together
This is it. The sewing machine comes out, and you finally sew the dress together once and for all. If you are making a liner for your dress, you will cut and sew that now. We're in the midst of this step and the next one at the moment.
Step 10 - Finishing
Still to go: My sister is building crinolines for the dress out of tulle, and will attach them to the liner. Then she will mail the dress back to me, and I'll attach some lace trim, and some buttons on the back. I might embroider our names and the date on the inside, because if this dress isn't a heirloom, I don't know what is. A heirloom or a g-d-effing-heirloom, depending on the day.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you make a wedding dress. It takes lots of time and love and patience, but at the end of the process, you are so attached to the dress you have. It's not something you saved up for, its not a dress that you tried on and fell in love with. Nope, its a dress that you dreamed up in your heart and head, bled over, cursed over, slaved over, and midwifed into being. And I'm not sure it gets any better than that.
My sister, my mother and I (and yes, David too) tackled Project Wedding Dress over Christmas break. It was more complicated and more time consuming than we expected (of course). It lead to Project Runway like, down to the wire, midnight sew-offs. And, in the end, it was far more rewarding than I'd ever imagined. The dress isn't quite done yet, and I reserve the right to complain about it later (remember that!) Sadly, you are not going to see the finished project till August, I'm afraid, just hints and whispers. But! I've had requests to walk you through the process, so here we go!
Step 1: Pick Your Pattern
My pattern is a vintage Vogue pattern. Pretty, no? Squee!The key to picking a pattern is to pick something where you like the basic construction - this dress has princess seams, no true waist, and pleating. Those are elements of the pattern would be next to impossible to change.
Step 2 - Pick Your Fabric
Once you have your pattern, you'll have a pretty good idea of what kind of fabric you need. I've already written about my fabric search, but I was looking for a mid-weight silk - and I found the worlds most beautiful blush-toned off-white silk. Swoon.
Step 3 - Decide On Simple Modifications
This is the time to decide what small tweaks you want to make to the pattern. On my pattern, we decided to take off the sleeves, adjust the neckline a bit, and remove the yoke around the neck. These small changes made the dress feel like it was mine, but didn't change the fundamental construction of the dress.
Step 4 - Muslin Mock Up
While this step is truly a monumental pain, I would not, under any circumstances, suggest skipping this step. It's where all the really hard work is done. At this point, you take your measurements, get the pattern out, cut and mark the fabric, make the small modifications you are planning (no sleeves for us!), and sew up the dress. What you now have is a weird muslin dress. It's going to be HUGE on you (I'm a street size 4, according to Vogue I was a size 12, we sewed a size 10, and it was still pretty darn big at this point). It's also, frankly, not going to be very flattering at this point (see below) but don't freak out. It will be.
Step 5 - Alterations, Alterations, Alterations
This step takes an incredible about of skill. And unless you are a four-armed double-jointed sewing genius, you can't do it for yourself. Put on your muslin mock up. Stand in front of the mirror. Try not to wiggle (ha!). Get a sister, or another wise seamstress, to get out her pins and pin that dress like mad, until it fits like it is supposed to. Now is the time to discuss the neckline (is it working? Should you open it up more? Do you want to change the shape a bit?) and the length. Discuss if the dress is comfortable and how you feel in it. discuss all the little things.Next up. The dress comes off (carefully, it's full of pins). The head seamstress takes out a needle and thread and bastes in all the alterations she's made (another option: the seamstress can actually do the basting alterations while you are in the dress). After this, try it on one last time, to make sure it fits.
Step 6 - Altering The Paper Pattern
The muslin dress is carefully cut apart. The head seamstress laid it back out on the original pattern and carefully transfers all the alterations that have been made on to the paper (This step is half skill and half voodoo magic, if you ask me).Step 7 - Cut And Mark Your Fabric
At this point in our process, we were running tremendously behind. My pattern looks simple, but BOY is it not. The alterations had eaten up two full days, and we were due back in San Francisco. So, David and I stayed up until midnight, cracking Project Runway jokes, and ever so carefully cutting and marking yards and yards of silk. Cutting your fabric is an exercise in precision. After the magic that has gone into altering the pattern, you want to cut extremely precisely, and make sure the fabric is laid exactly the right way on the grain of the fabric. After it is all cut, you'll use thread to mark all the indicated points in the fabric.Step 8 - Baste The Dress Together
Those who are weak of heart, do not even read this step! Because at this point, I swear to god, you will hand sew the entire dress together in medium-sized basting stitches (that's me doing just that in the picture). It sounds crazy, and it sort of is, but I have to say, I enjoyed this part the most. My sister and I sat there, and in a true old world fashion, hand sewed my entire wedding dress. When it was done, I tried it on to make sure it fit, and we made final adjustments. Because you have just basted the dress, if anything is still not working, you can pull the stitches out and fix it.Step 9 - Sew That D*mn Dress Together
This is it. The sewing machine comes out, and you finally sew the dress together once and for all. If you are making a liner for your dress, you will cut and sew that now. We're in the midst of this step and the next one at the moment.
Step 10 - Finishing
Still to go: My sister is building crinolines for the dress out of tulle, and will attach them to the liner. Then she will mail the dress back to me, and I'll attach some lace trim, and some buttons on the back. I might embroider our names and the date on the inside, because if this dress isn't a heirloom, I don't know what is. A heirloom or a g-d-effing-heirloom, depending on the day.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you make a wedding dress. It takes lots of time and love and patience, but at the end of the process, you are so attached to the dress you have. It's not something you saved up for, its not a dress that you tried on and fell in love with. Nope, its a dress that you dreamed up in your heart and head, bled over, cursed over, slaved over, and midwifed into being. And I'm not sure it gets any better than that.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
An Open Letter To America
So, I have of late, been overhearing the most surreal and over the top wedding conversations. I'll be sitting at a bar, drinking my drink, and suddenly I'm overhearing a conversation about weddings that is so nuts, that I become totally convinced that I'm on some sort of episode of punk'd (blogger style). The most recent over-the-top conversation* went something like this:
Planner: So I was thinking that we could set up individual tables, scattered among the trees in the forest.
Me: Poking David, eyes wide
Planner: And then, I thought we could plant flowers to physically build a aisle on the forest floor.
Me: Poke, Poke, Poke, BLINK ????
Bride and Groom: (blase) Oh, yeah. That sounds nice. I'm sure that would work just fine.
Me: Slams head into bar
Now, what is weirdest about these conversations, is that every single time I hear one, no matter how outlandish the plans, the couple does not react in a way that seems sensible, which in my mind would be one of two ways:
Option #1: "Oh my god! That sounds amazing! That sounds incredible! That sounds out of this world!"
Option #2: "Dear Lord, that seems totally absurd."
Nope. The response is always a blase "Eh, that sounds fine." So, I'm afraid that I must respond to this nonsense with an open letter:
Dear America,
Please dial it the h*ll down. You're freaking me out.
Best,
Meg
*Totally, totally true story. Except me slamming my head on the bar. That was a lie.
Planner: So I was thinking that we could set up individual tables, scattered among the trees in the forest.
Me: Poking David, eyes wide
Planner: And then, I thought we could plant flowers to physically build a aisle on the forest floor.
Me: Poke, Poke, Poke, BLINK ????
Bride and Groom: (blase) Oh, yeah. That sounds nice. I'm sure that would work just fine.
Me: Slams head into bar
Now, what is weirdest about these conversations, is that every single time I hear one, no matter how outlandish the plans, the couple does not react in a way that seems sensible, which in my mind would be one of two ways:
Option #1: "Oh my god! That sounds amazing! That sounds incredible! That sounds out of this world!"
Option #2: "Dear Lord, that seems totally absurd."
Nope. The response is always a blase "Eh, that sounds fine." So, I'm afraid that I must respond to this nonsense with an open letter:
Dear America,
Please dial it the h*ll down. You're freaking me out.
Best,
Meg
*Totally, totally true story. Except me slamming my head on the bar. That was a lie.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Kara & Drew's Colorado Hoedown
There are some weddings that, when the pictures land in my inbox, I just can't stop grinning. Kara & Drew's wedding is one of those. I dare you to look at these wedding pictures and not grin your head off. It's a stunningly beautiful wedding, but what lights up my soul is the infectious grin on the brides face when she looks up and the groom, and the way he looks down at the bride with quiet adoration. Kara, take it away...
Our names: Kara and Drew
Location: We were married on September 13 in Gold Hill, a tiny mountain town built during the gold rush, just outside Boulder, Colorado. We held the ceremony on a bit of open space land overlooking the Continental Divide (free), and then went into town to the Gold Hill Inn (an old miners' cafeteria that is now a restaurant) for the reception.
What made it creative, thrifty and sane: Drew and I really tried to center our day around our love of the outdoors, food, and music. The ceremony was outdoors overlooking the mountains, we chose a popular restaurant for the reception, and we had a bluegrass band. We also tried to strip the wedding down to just the things and events that were important to us. For example, I love crafting, so making the invitations, programs, and other various signs and details for the reception was fun -- and sometimes therapeutic -- for me. We didn't have wedding colors, but I purchased a few different, colorful printed papers from Paper Source and used them for various projects throughout the ceremony and reception. We also avoided having a strict theme, but I tried to stay true to the feel of the Gold Hill Inn, which was pretty rustic.
Small guest list and lunch reception: We limited the guest list to close family and friends for a few different reasons. We knew wanted an intimate event, we both have fairly small families, and the Inn could only accommodate 110 in the main dining area. We invited around 100 people, and ended up with 60 for the ceremony and lunch. We also invited our coworkers to come up for cake, drinks, and music after the lunch, which worked out really well.
Ceremony: We held the ceremony on Boulder County Open Space land. We rented a few chairs for people who needed them; everyone else stood for the 20-minute ceremony. All of the ceremony extras, including programs, signs on the chairs, parasols, and Izze sodas, were bought on sale, donated, or DIY. Drew and I wrote the ceremony together; we found a set of vows that we liked online, but added a few lines on our own, expanding on the phrase "I love you because..." It was a perfect fall day and we were happy that our guests, almost all of whom traveled to the wedding, got to experience such beautiful weather in the mountains.
Reception: We wanted our reception to focus on the food and music. We did away with any tradition that either didn't mean anything to us or didn't sound fun. We kept the toasts, first dance, and cut the cake, but didn't do any tossing of any sort. We didn't have an official parents' dance, but I ended up spontaneously dancing with my dad to a faster song and found out that he is a crazy dancer! Overall, the afternoon was full of great people and fun dancing!
Drew's parents decided that they wanted to arrange for a bluegrass band as our gift. When the original band fell through, they ended up booking Hit & Run Bluegrass. They were incredible and people were on the dance floor all afternoon!
Wedding Elves: I found a wonderful photography team that was just starting out, so we got a great price and I couldn't be happier with our photos! When we realized that videography was not in our budget, I found a videographer who had a Super 8 camera and wanted to get into weddings who offered to shoot our wedding for free(!). I hired a florist (Boulder Blooms) to make bouquets and corsages for the moms, but ordered boutonnieres from etsy and spray roses for the reception from an online wholesaler.
Apparel: My dress was my one big splurge; I bought a Vera Wang. I sort of compensated by wearing a bracelet and cowboy boots I already owned (it was a Colorado wedding, after all), and purchasing earrings from etsy and my headpiece during a sample sale. Drew bought a great navy pinstripe suit from Banana Republic that he has worn several times. Although I didn't intend to have the bridesmaids in matching dresses, I suggested the J.Crew beach dress and they all ended up with that. We just asked the groomsmen to wear suits that they already owned, and the officiant surprised me by wearing a blazer with jeans and cowboy boots, which ended up being exactly perfect.
Exactly perfect indeed. Congrats you guys! May the magic of your wedding day live on in your everydays.
All Photos by Real Photography
Our names: Kara and DrewLocation: We were married on September 13 in Gold Hill, a tiny mountain town built during the gold rush, just outside Boulder, Colorado. We held the ceremony on a bit of open space land overlooking the Continental Divide (free), and then went into town to the Gold Hill Inn (an old miners' cafeteria that is now a restaurant) for the reception.
What made it creative, thrifty and sane: Drew and I really tried to center our day around our love of the outdoors, food, and music. The ceremony was outdoors overlooking the mountains, we chose a popular restaurant for the reception, and we had a bluegrass band. We also tried to strip the wedding down to just the things and events that were important to us. For example, I love crafting, so making the invitations, programs, and other various signs and details for the reception was fun -- and sometimes therapeutic -- for me. We didn't have wedding colors, but I purchased a few different, colorful printed papers from Paper Source and used them for various projects throughout the ceremony and reception. We also avoided having a strict theme, but I tried to stay true to the feel of the Gold Hill Inn, which was pretty rustic.
Small guest list and lunch reception: We limited the guest list to close family and friends for a few different reasons. We knew wanted an intimate event, we both have fairly small families, and the Inn could only accommodate 110 in the main dining area. We invited around 100 people, and ended up with 60 for the ceremony and lunch. We also invited our coworkers to come up for cake, drinks, and music after the lunch, which worked out really well.
Ceremony: We held the ceremony on Boulder County Open Space land. We rented a few chairs for people who needed them; everyone else stood for the 20-minute ceremony. All of the ceremony extras, including programs, signs on the chairs, parasols, and Izze sodas, were bought on sale, donated, or DIY. Drew and I wrote the ceremony together; we found a set of vows that we liked online, but added a few lines on our own, expanding on the phrase "I love you because..." It was a perfect fall day and we were happy that our guests, almost all of whom traveled to the wedding, got to experience such beautiful weather in the mountains.
Reception: We wanted our reception to focus on the food and music. We did away with any tradition that either didn't mean anything to us or didn't sound fun. We kept the toasts, first dance, and cut the cake, but didn't do any tossing of any sort. We didn't have an official parents' dance, but I ended up spontaneously dancing with my dad to a faster song and found out that he is a crazy dancer! Overall, the afternoon was full of great people and fun dancing!
Drew's parents decided that they wanted to arrange for a bluegrass band as our gift. When the original band fell through, they ended up booking Hit & Run Bluegrass. They were incredible and people were on the dance floor all afternoon!
Wedding Elves: I found a wonderful photography team that was just starting out, so we got a great price and I couldn't be happier with our photos! When we realized that videography was not in our budget, I found a videographer who had a Super 8 camera and wanted to get into weddings who offered to shoot our wedding for free(!). I hired a florist (Boulder Blooms) to make bouquets and corsages for the moms, but ordered boutonnieres from etsy and spray roses for the reception from an online wholesaler.
Apparel: My dress was my one big splurge; I bought a Vera Wang. I sort of compensated by wearing a bracelet and cowboy boots I already owned (it was a Colorado wedding, after all), and purchasing earrings from etsy and my headpiece during a sample sale. Drew bought a great navy pinstripe suit from Banana Republic that he has worn several times. Although I didn't intend to have the bridesmaids in matching dresses, I suggested the J.Crew beach dress and they all ended up with that. We just asked the groomsmen to wear suits that they already owned, and the officiant surprised me by wearing a blazer with jeans and cowboy boots, which ended up being exactly perfect.Exactly perfect indeed. Congrats you guys! May the magic of your wedding day live on in your everydays.
All Photos by Real Photography
Monday, January 5, 2009
Wedding Liberation Philosophy
Dear Internets-
What is it about weddings that collectively ties our knickers in such a knot? Ideas? Because for-serious, the process of getting married subjects one to more bossing around then the rest of life combined (with the notable exception of having a baby). Make it bigger! Make in smaller! Real Brides do it this way! Etcetera.
So, I have decided that the world is ready for the launch of a new idea. I call it Wedding Liberation Philosophy, and it goes like this: leave us well enough alone, stop making us feel guilty for this or that, and let us throw a nice sensible wedding that makes us feel happy inside. Full stop.
Somehow, in our mad rush away from the bossing of the wedding industry, I fear that we stumbled into the trap of bossing ourselves around. We've gotten stuck between a rock and a hard place. The wedding industry tells us, "If you don't serve tri-tip, don't bother having a wedding," and we tell ourselves, "If you don't self cater you've sold out." The wedding industry yammers, "Vera Wang! Amsale! Monique Lhuillier!" and we tell ourselves, "Practical brides make their dresses. What's wrong with me?" The wedding industry screams "Kate Spade! Christian Louboutin! Milano Blahnik!" and we ask ourselves "If I don't get married in Payless shoes, what will that say about me?"
Sound familiar?
I am of course not suggesting that we all drop our practical plans and run out and arrange to serve tri-tip, wear Vera Wang, and buy Christian Louboutin's. Ick. But I am suggesting that we all remind ourselves that the point of getting married in the first place it to make ourselves and our loved ones very happy, and then resolve to be kinder to ourselves. Wedding Liberation Philosophy is this: every wedding is different, every couple is different, ever family is different. Within sensible boundaries, do what makes you happy, not what people tell you should make you happy.
I've written about two low-budget weddings (this lovely forest fete and tomorrows wedding) where the brides saved money on the side and bought lower cost Vera Wang's. Is that what a budget wedding checklist would tell you to do? No. Did it make them happy? Yes! Do I think it's awesome that they knew themselves well enough to figure out what the heck would make their wedding sing, and they did it? Yes!
I for one am tired of sitting up at night wondering if hiring someone to style my impossible hair on my wedding day would make me a sellout. I'm tired of wondering what people would *think* if I wore expensive shoes that I bought on sale. All of this worrying and nonsense makes me just as tired as wondering if people will think we are cheap because we arranged the flowers ourselves, or my sister made the wedding dress.
So this is my message to each of you: you are kind, sensible, thoughtful people. You know yourselves. You know your family. Trust yourselves. When you figure out what will make you happy, reach for it. Lets liberate ourselves.
With Deep Admiration,
Meg
What is it about weddings that collectively ties our knickers in such a knot? Ideas? Because for-serious, the process of getting married subjects one to more bossing around then the rest of life combined (with the notable exception of having a baby). Make it bigger! Make in smaller! Real Brides do it this way! Etcetera.
So, I have decided that the world is ready for the launch of a new idea. I call it Wedding Liberation Philosophy, and it goes like this: leave us well enough alone, stop making us feel guilty for this or that, and let us throw a nice sensible wedding that makes us feel happy inside. Full stop.
Somehow, in our mad rush away from the bossing of the wedding industry, I fear that we stumbled into the trap of bossing ourselves around. We've gotten stuck between a rock and a hard place. The wedding industry tells us, "If you don't serve tri-tip, don't bother having a wedding," and we tell ourselves, "If you don't self cater you've sold out." The wedding industry yammers, "Vera Wang! Amsale! Monique Lhuillier!" and we tell ourselves, "Practical brides make their dresses. What's wrong with me?" The wedding industry screams "Kate Spade! Christian Louboutin! Milano Blahnik!" and we ask ourselves "If I don't get married in Payless shoes, what will that say about me?"
Sound familiar?
I am of course not suggesting that we all drop our practical plans and run out and arrange to serve tri-tip, wear Vera Wang, and buy Christian Louboutin's. Ick. But I am suggesting that we all remind ourselves that the point of getting married in the first place it to make ourselves and our loved ones very happy, and then resolve to be kinder to ourselves. Wedding Liberation Philosophy is this: every wedding is different, every couple is different, ever family is different. Within sensible boundaries, do what makes you happy, not what people tell you should make you happy.
I've written about two low-budget weddings (this lovely forest fete and tomorrows wedding) where the brides saved money on the side and bought lower cost Vera Wang's. Is that what a budget wedding checklist would tell you to do? No. Did it make them happy? Yes! Do I think it's awesome that they knew themselves well enough to figure out what the heck would make their wedding sing, and they did it? Yes!
I for one am tired of sitting up at night wondering if hiring someone to style my impossible hair on my wedding day would make me a sellout. I'm tired of wondering what people would *think* if I wore expensive shoes that I bought on sale. All of this worrying and nonsense makes me just as tired as wondering if people will think we are cheap because we arranged the flowers ourselves, or my sister made the wedding dress.
So this is my message to each of you: you are kind, sensible, thoughtful people. You know yourselves. You know your family. Trust yourselves. When you figure out what will make you happy, reach for it. Lets liberate ourselves.
With Deep Admiration,
Meg
Friday, January 2, 2009
Four Weddings And A Funeral...
...Is much funnier in the middle of wedding planning. If you haven't seen it recently, go rent it. I do hope someone uses the phrase "nightmare of recriminations and violence" in our toast.
And I know I've already mentioned it, but I'm bitter about the fact that we have no excuse to wear fabulous hats to weddings on this side of the pond.
And I know I've already mentioned it, but I'm bitter about the fact that we have no excuse to wear fabulous hats to weddings on this side of the pond.
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