The Dreaded Shoe Post (Sort of)

I have, up till now, refrained from writing the traditional wedding blog shoe post: because oh-dear-god-why? But all good things must come to an end, so here we go: The Shoe Post.

I, despite everyone's best efforts (which for the record, I really appreciated), wore shoes I already had. Clarification: I wore fabulous shoes I already had. My shoes were broken in, I knew I liked them, and they were shiny. What more can you ask for?There is a picture from the wedding morning with my legs kicked up on David's lap and you can see the bottom of my shoes, and they are all scuffed up. I love that shot - it feels grounded and real. It feel like, "Hey, we're getting married, but we're showing up as ourselves. Our most fabulous selves, but its still just us." And that was more or less our MO on our wedding day.

Two weekends before the wedding, we drove up to Petaluma to visit a friend we've known since we were 15 and 16 respectively, to have her take in my last-minute dress. We were sitting in her sewing room chatting away, while she sewed on the dress, and I started listing my something old (my dress), something new (my just made hair flower and, uh, my hot pink bachelorette lacy boy-short underwear, obviously), something borrowed (my grandmothers pearl earrings), and blue (my passed-away grandmothers handkerchief). Suddenly our friend jumped up, and dived under a pile of fabric and started wiggling around. Up she came with a empty play-dough jar, from which she pulled....

A silver sixpence. A silver sixpence for my shoe.

I carefully worked that sixpence under the lining of my shoe, and you know what? Those shoes have felt new ever since. After saying my vows in those shoes, cutting our cake in those shoes, dancing my ass of in those shoes, and making a mad getaway in those shoes - they are now my favorite shoes in the whole world. And I plan to dance with David in them for a long, long time.

Photo: As always, the amazing One Love Photo did I say amazing? Um. Yes. I did.

My Wedding Dress: The Final Chapter

So, there is one more story that I owe you before the wedding, and that is the final story of the wedding dress. I've talked extensively about my search for a wedding dress here (and if you are still in the land of looking for a dress, these are all posts worth reading):

My first foray into the bridal salon
My love of vintage dresses
No, you're confused, I want a dress not a car
My lovely but can't afford it brush with couture long and lace
My nice but homogenized trip to David's Bridal
My decision to try to make a wedding dress
Making the wedding dress

Looking for a wedding dress was hard for me. I would go so far to say that at some points it was painful. What I wore on my body really mattered to me. It mattered to me more than I would have ever expected. And what was even stranger was that finding something a little off the beaten path (i.e., not strapless, poufy, bedazzled, with a monster train) was HARD. So, in the end, we decided to make the dress. And that's where I left off telling the story.

Here is the rest: After we worked on the dress over Christmas, my sister took it to Michigan to finish putting it together. It was a long arduous process, and at some points it looked like she might not be able to finish it in time. But, she worked hard on it, and in April, it arrived. But there were problems. Every time I put on the dress, I felt happy and loved, but I didn't feel pretty. I would show David, he would say I looked great, and then I would hang up the dress feeling confused and wondering if I should even care how the dress looked.

So over the Fourth of July weekend, I tried on the dress for my mom and sister. I asked my mom to zip up the dress.... and she couldn't. She asked me how I'd been zipping it up. I told her I'd been holding my breath as much as I could and then yanking. What I'd been in denial about is that the dress didn't fit. And as my friend Kate said, "It's hard to feel pretty in in a dress that won't zip up." True. My options were limited. I could re-build the dress (something we didn't have time or money to do), wear a girdle (I tried one on, couldn't breathe, and realized this was not how I wanted to spend my wedding day), or wear a different dress. We were one month away from the wedding.

This should have been an unmitigated disaster, but it wasn't. In the middle of the is-the-dress-going-to-be-finished-in-time?? period, I walked into a vintage store in the Haight to look at a red cocktail dress. And what I found was the wedding dress that I would have bought at the very beginning if I'd known about it, and it was only $250. I walked out of the store. I had a dress, I didn't need this vintage dress. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. Everyone told me to go try it on, there is no way it would fit, and then I could get it out of my head. So two weeks later I went back. The dress was still there, which was a strange miracle, and it fit like it had been made for me. So I bought it, just as a backup. I called it 'understudy dress' and put it in the back of my closet.

After we realized the dress we made didn't fit, I pulled the vintage dress out again, and everyone agreed it was just right. It's a white party dress from the 1950's. My dad said that was perfect, because what I really want is a great party. It's lace. It's tea length. It's vintage. It took me a while to get my head around the fact that I couldn't wear the dress we made, but when I did, I realized that this vintage dress that came into my life unbidden, that insistently wouldn't go away... it was the right dress.

My wedding dress experience was deeply imperfect, and it was at times painful. But on Sunday, I think it will seem just right. I know that all of the women in my family poured their love into my wedding dress, I know that sometimes big dreams don't quite work out, and I know endings you would never expect are the best endings of all.

And my dress makes me feel like pure sass.

Things To Wear On Your Head When You Wed: The Simple Edition

So. Recently, I've been getting a little anxious about my OUTFIT, and my ACCESSORIES, which is a whole other post. But, some of my anxiety has revolved around wanting a fabulous hair piece (other than my homemade veil, which I'm starting to love). Anyway, I was reading back over Things To Wear On Your Head When You Wed, and looking at amazing handmade hairpieces and getting stressed. And then I remembered that ages ago, I'd decided to wear a real flower in my hair. Ahhhhh, yes. Real flowers. It seems so obvious when you think about it. And the cost? Free.

The one time I was a flower girl (something I had aspired to be since I realized you could get such a job) I was a little disappointed that A) My dress was not spin-ny B) They gave me flowers in a stupid basket and not a gorgeous big-girl bouquet and C) That I didn't get to wear flowers in my hair. So the next day, when I got dressed for church, I *insisted* that my mom French braid in all of my flower girl blooms into my hair.

But this time, I'm in charge*. So blush Dahlias it will be. It may not be fabulous and feathery, but I suspect no one will be *too* focused on my hair. (And actually, it will be fabulous).

*And you better believe that my dress will be spin-ny and my flowers will not be in a stupid basket.

Photo from here

Something Old, Something Borrowed

When I first started wedding planning, I'm not sure I consciously realized how much pressure their was to buy All New Things. I mean, I'm not dull, I was aware that the pressure to spend was unhealthy, but there were things I took for granted. Wedding shoes, for example. Every blog I read, every magazine I read, every thing I read no matter how indie or how mainstream talked at length about wedding shoes. I obviously was not going to wear some traditional ugly-as-sin white 'bridal' shoes, but, considering I was wearing a short dress, I figured shoes would be key. And *everyone* cares about wedding shoes, right?

But here is the thing. I've been keeping my eye out for fantastic wedding shoes for six months now. My requirements were that:
1) They could be expensive-ish as long as they were still in my realm of spendy-but-sane.
2) They had to be fabulous.
3) They had to make my dress look even hotter than it already did.
4) If they were spendy, they had to be something that I would realistically wear again.

Reasonable rules, no? Well, here is the thing, six months later, I still haven't found anything that fits the bill, or even comes close. My dress is hard to match, I'm very particular, and I'm a terrible shoe shopper because I have no patience.

I didn't have a big lightbulb moment, over the past few weeks the light slowly started to turn on. "What if," I thought, "What if I wore those fabulous silver shoes that finally found after years of looking… the shoes I've been wearing every time I try my dress on. What If I just wore those?" So I asked my friend Lauren, indie-bride-extraordinaire, and her advice was basically this 'Wedding shoes are overrated, and any shoes that I would like to love and cherish for the rest of my life are not the kind of shoes that would go with a wedding dress. Just wear the shoes you've got.'

Right. (Shakes head hard as if getting water out of ones year). Yes, that makes SENSE.

Once I crossed the Rubicon and considered wearing *shoes* to my *wedding* that I already *owned,* was like there was no looking back. Dress for our Aufruf? Well if I happen upon something cute, great. If not? Cute black dress in the back of my closet. Outfit for our welcome picnic? If I find something cute, awesome. If not? Cute top I got on sale for 60% off. And clearly, if I find the worlds most awesome shoes between now and August, we will become friends, but until then, I'm not worried. I've got a killer pair in my closet.

We all know the rhyme about our wedding day, "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." But I think most of us think about it as, "Well, everything will be new, so I need to figure out my something old/borrowed/blue." But maybe we need to reconsider the order of things. Maybe lots of things will be old or borrowed, and we need to figure out our something new.

I'm not a martyr (trust me!) I just happen to have a closet full of things that I've painstakingly selected over the years because I love them. Why let all that sense of SELF go to waste so I can have the hot shoes of the moment? There are advantages to shopping my closet - I already like what's in it.

And heck, we're already letting our attendants shop theirs.

Picture: the shoes in question at David's brothers wedding. And yes, I wear vintage 50's cocktail dresses everywhere. The short wedding dress was a obvious choice, no?

Our Wedding Update (The Dress Arrives)

It's been a while since I've given you an update on our wedding, so here we go. First off: of course the second I wrote a post about the absurdity of pre-fab wedding lists, my real life wedding list kicked into overdrive. In the past two weeks alone: my wedding dress arrived almost completed, we went shopping for lace trim for the dress, I got the materials to make both my veil and my headpiece, we finished our invitation design, we sent our invitations to the printer, we paid the final deposit for our venue, we started the process of ordering our wedding bands, we ordered vases for the flowers, we wrote our wedding service, we've continued pre-marital counseling, and we found a Ketubah to order... and honestly? I'm not even sure if that's it, because I can't remember anymore.

In sum: we've done a lot of wonderful, deep, rich, emotional work, and we've written a lot of checks. Mmmm.... writing checks. I think no matter how much money you are spending on your wedding, and no matter how thrifty you are trying to be, there will still be a point in the planning process where you feel like you are forking over a lot of money. Hopefully you're forking over an amount of money you feel comfortable with to people who's work your thrilled to support, but at the end of the day, money is still leaving your bank account. And for me at least, it's exhausting.

So I was lying in bed one night, feeling exhausted by all the spendspendspend tied to the wedding this month, and suddenly everything shifted. I looked up at my wedding dress hanging on my armoire and had a little burst of happiness. Then I thought about how soon we'd have the invitations we'd been planning for a year in our hands, and something clicked. I realized that the wedding we'd been dreaming of was finally coming together. I realized that that the handmade wedding that I'd hoped for, in some tiny part of me, for years and years was just around the corner.

And you know what? It all feels worth it. I don't know how important weddings are in the end. It is, after all, just one day in a life that is hopefully long and full. But I do know that having a wedding where the choices felt right, where the wedding felt like us, was how we wanted to start our married life together. These days all the pieces of that celebration are all over our house: the wedding dress waiting for lace to be hand-sewn on, the stylish and affordable vases piled in a corner, the cases of good local wine in the kitchen, and the birch huppah poles leaning up against the bookcase. And for now, for me, that is a good place to be. It is enough.

Picture: sneak peak of my handmade wedding dress, in progress

My Wedding Dress Update (And Such)

Some of you have requested an update on my handmade wedding dress, and well, I don't have much. Yet. If you are having your wedding dress made by friends and family, you need to let your inner control freak relax, because baby, it's out of your hands. I haven't seen my wedding dress since Christmas, when it took off to Michigan with my sister. It is, however, in the mail as-we-speak, so soon I will have it in my hot little hands, and will be able to try it on, spin around, buy some shoes, make a veil, and hand-sew on some lace trim. Hooray. In the meantime though, I have this picture and email from my sister to tide you over:I broke the ceiling light fixture in my dining room pinning the hemline yesterday. I think that probably qualifies me for some kind of award*. Also, I've decided to have my wedding in March, so I can have a cake made entirely out of Thin Mints. Mmmmm, Thin Mints. Om nom nom**.

She also helpfully pointed out in my email that I recently posted about "Chandlers in the TREES?" and said: "I think you mean chandeliers. Chandlers are people who make candles. Do the chandlers get wax and molds up the trees so they can actually be working, or do they just wear signs saying, "I'm a chandler!!"? "

But you know, now I can't go back and fix that spell check induced typo, because it's just too funny. So, Chandlers' in trees it is.

PS - My sister just got a pet hedgehog (well, a hoglet, since it's a baby). I think that means my wedding dress is the half-sister to a hedgehog.
*What kind of award, do you think?? Ideas in the comments, please.
**Who is doing this? I bet you could sort of ice them together. Yum.

All Pictures by my sister

How To Make A Wedding Dress

Remember how I said that experience arranging flowers was not necessary for doing your wedding flowers? Well, I still think that. However, when it comes to sewing a wedding dress, I think experience is a very very good thing. If you've never sewn a dress before, go out and sew a few. Figure out what you are doing, and then decide if you want to take on your wedding dress. It's not an impossible project, not at all, but it's complicated, and takes skill.

My sister, my mother and I (and yes, David too) tackled Project Wedding Dress over Christmas break. It was more complicated and more time consuming than we expected (of course). It lead to Project Runway like, down to the wire, midnight sew-offs. And, in the end, it was far more rewarding than I'd ever imagined. The dress isn't quite done yet, and I reserve the right to complain about it later (remember that!) Sadly, you are not going to see the finished project till August, I'm afraid, just hints and whispers. But! I've had requests to walk you through the process, so here we go!

Step 1: Pick Your Pattern
My pattern is a vintage Vogue pattern. Pretty, no? Squee!
The key to picking a pattern is to pick something where you like the basic construction - this dress has princess seams, no true waist, and pleating. Those are elements of the pattern would be next to impossible to change.

Step 2 - Pick Your Fabric
Once you have your pattern, you'll have a pretty good idea of what kind of fabric you need. I've already written about my fabric search, but I was looking for a mid-weight silk - and I found the worlds most beautiful blush-toned off-white silk. Swoon.

Step 3 - Decide On Simple Modifications
This is the time to decide what small tweaks you want to make to the pattern. On my pattern, we decided to take off the sleeves, adjust the neckline a bit, and remove the yoke around the neck. These small changes made the dress feel like it was mine, but didn't change the fundamental construction of the dress.

Step 4 - Muslin Mock Up
While this step is truly a monumental pain, I would not, under any circumstances, suggest skipping this step. It's where all the really hard work is done. At this point, you take your measurements, get the pattern out, cut and mark the fabric, make the small modifications you are planning (no sleeves for us!), and sew up the dress. What you now have is a weird muslin dress. It's going to be HUGE on you (I'm a street size 4, according to Vogue I was a size 12, we sewed a size 10, and it was still pretty darn big at this point). It's also, frankly, not going to be very flattering at this point (see below) but don't freak out. It will be.

Step 5 - Alterations, Alterations, AlterationsThis step takes an incredible about of skill. And unless you are a four-armed double-jointed sewing genius, you can't do it for yourself. Put on your muslin mock up. Stand in front of the mirror. Try not to wiggle (ha!). Get a sister, or another wise seamstress, to get out her pins and pin that dress like mad, until it fits like it is supposed to. Now is the time to discuss the neckline (is it working? Should you open it up more? Do you want to change the shape a bit?) and the length. Discuss if the dress is comfortable and how you feel in it. discuss all the little things.

Next up. The dress comes off (carefully, it's full of pins). The head seamstress takes out a needle and thread and bastes in all the alterations she's made (another option: the seamstress can actually do the basting alterations while you are in the dress). After this, try it on one last time, to make sure it fits.

Step 6 - Altering The Paper Pattern
The muslin dress is carefully cut apart. The head seamstress laid it back out on the original pattern and carefully transfers all the alterations that have been made on to the paper (This step is half skill and half voodoo magic, if you ask me).

Step 7 - Cut And Mark Your Fabric
At this point in our process, we were running tremendously behind. My pattern looks simple, but BOY is it not. The alterations had eaten up two full days, and we were due back in San Francisco. So, David and I stayed up until midnight, cracking Project Runway jokes, and ever so carefully cutting and marking yards and yards of silk. Cutting your fabric is an exercise in precision. After the magic that has gone into altering the pattern, you want to cut extremely precisely, and make sure the fabric is laid exactly the right way on the grain of the fabric. After it is all cut, you'll use thread to mark all the indicated points in the fabric.

Step 8 - Baste The Dress Together
Those who are weak of heart, do not even read this step! Because at this point, I swear to god, you will hand sew the entire dress together in medium-sized basting stitches (that's me doing just that in the picture). It sounds crazy, and it sort of is, but I have to say, I enjoyed this part the most. My sister and I sat there, and in a true old world fashion, hand sewed my entire wedding dress. When it was done, I tried it on to make sure it fit, and we made final adjustments. Because you have just basted the dress, if anything is still not working, you can pull the stitches out and fix it.

Step 9 - Sew That D*mn Dress Together
This is it. The sewing machine comes out, and you finally sew the dress together once and for all. If you are making a liner for your dress, you will cut and sew that now. We're in the midst of this step and the next one at the moment.

Step 10 - Finishing
Still to go: My sister is building crinolines for the dress out of tulle, and will attach them to the liner. Then she will mail the dress back to me, and I'll attach some lace trim, and some buttons on the back. I might embroider our names and the date on the inside, because if this dress isn't a heirloom, I don't know what is. A heirloom or a g-d-effing-heirloom, depending on the day.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you make a wedding dress. It takes lots of time and love and patience, but at the end of the process, you are so attached to the dress you have. It's not something you saved up for, its not a dress that you tried on and fell in love with. Nope, its a dress that you dreamed up in your heart and head, bled over, cursed over, slaved over, and midwifed into being. And I'm not sure it gets any better than that.

Update From Project Wedding Dress

Update from the wedding dress front: I just finished standing for an hour while my sister wielded sharp pins in front of my face and threatened that So Help Her God, if I didn't stop wiggling, she'd pin the muslin TO me. Good thing I can make crazy faces and hum silly songs without wiggling. Well, good thing for me.

Of course making a wedding dress is nothing like the making a wedding dress fantasy, where we all hold hands and hum, and create something so magical that the birds burst into song. It's a lot more about making something and then realizing you did it wrong and need to fix it, worrying that you are really making the worlds most boring dress and what were you even thinking, and trying to not be too cross with each other. But on we go. And on Christmas Eve no less. When I get back to San Francisco I'll have more photos and stories, but until then, I was hoping everyone could think really happy thoughts in our direction at once. It's quite nerve wracking, making a wedding dress from scratch, and we can use all the help we can get.

So, ready? One, two, three, HAPPY BEAUTIFUL WEDDING DRESS THOUGHTS.

(Thank you.)

Now, go fix yourself some eggnog (if you celebrate Christmas) or a big glass of scotch (if you don't), get yourself a cookie, and go back to relaxing. From Chez Practical to you, wishes for the very merriest of holidays!

Picture: This Oscar De La Renta dress is one of my perennial short wedding dress favorites

Project Wedding Dress - It Begins

I mentioned in a past post that, inspired by the incredible Kimi, I'm going to attempt to make my wedding dress. In fact, it seems that all of the women in my family and David's family will attempt to make my wedding dress together over the holidays (how cool is that?) This sounds more ambitious then it is, since my mom sewed all of our clothes when we were little, and my sister and I have been sewing and designing our own clothes since we could reach the machine - we just haven't done much of it in recent (busy) years. Project Wedding Dress starts this weekend, as I crawl out of my sickbed to go fabric shopping, or more precisely, to go shopping for fabric swatches.

So this is where you come in, you creative and crafty readers. I'm looking for heavy silks and interesting lace. Where in San Francisco should I be going shopping? On my list so far are Britex (those colors, swoony delicious), and Satin Moon Fabrics. Where else should I shop?

Current handmade wedding dress inspirations: this handmade wedding dress via Once Wed , Another drop dead amazing dress from Down to My Soul via Peonies and Polaroids

Little Girl Wedding Dreams

It's weird how we get wedding fantasies set in our heads when we are little girls. Everyone always says that they never thought about their wedding until they got engaged, but I'm not going to lie to you. I started dreaming about my wedding as soon as I could talk. When my mom gave me my first piggy bank at four, she asked me if I'd like to save for college. "No," I told her "College is boring. I want to save for my wedding." I still remember the horrified look on my feminist mother's face. "But..." she said weakly, "You know that girls can do anything! What would you like to do?" "Save for my wedding dress," I said firmly.

At four, I was perfectly sure of the wedding dress I would get. One that was big, poofy, and looked as much like Glenda the Good Witch's dress at possible. Over the years my idea of a wedding dress slowly scaled back. A five years ago, I was sure I'd get married in a elegant lace sheath dress, and over the past few years I grew to love short wedding dresses too, but I was sure they were not for me, since I would want something 'more traditional.' But each time I've put on a big dramatic wedding dress - the kind I thought I was going to love- it felt like I was in some sort of wedding dress costume. I just didn't feel like myself. And I wanted full range of motion, I knew that much! So, slowly, I've started to think that a short dress is for me. I've tried one on now, and even my mom, who was not on board with the idea, fell in love with it.

The other evening, we were driving by the Legion Of Honor while a formal wedding was going on. The bride walked out on the patio in a full ballgown wedding dress and veil. "Ohhhhhhh...." I said. "Look at the beautiful bride! One day soon I'll be a bride and look just like that." And all my hard wiring* kicked in, and I thought to myself - "I have to get a dress like that! It's my one chance to wear a dress like that!" And then I realized I really didn't want to wear a dress like that.

I do wish my brain would learn to agree with itself. At the very least. Any childhood wedding dreams you just can't shake?

*And for the record, my mom only dressed me in blue when I was little. No pink. And overalls, not dresses. And we had no TV for gender programing. The hard wiring is all mine.

Vintage Wedding Dress Inspiration

So, real life has been a little exhausting of late, which means that my pithiness and sass are running a little low. So, I thought I'd share with you one of the things that are inspiring me right now. These dresses, from Priscilla's of Boston, are not the most affordable, but it's the styling that I love, and the inspiration is free. I'm loving their simple vintage feel. (And if you want to cheer my weekend, leave me something that's inspiring you in the comments.)



Thanks to C(oi)n:Purse for the heads up.

Dress Shopping, The Generic Edition

So, I finally swallowed my pride, along with some past bad experiences, and waltzed in the door to David's Bridal. I'm a bride trying to keep on a budget, after all, so pride is overrated. I was expecting everything in the store to be a sparkling, princess, A-line poof - and I was wrong. David's Bridal is in the business of creating designer knockoffs, and business is booming. I told them I was looking for long and lace, and off they trotted. They came back with a few dresses priced from $250 on up. One of them (from their "couture" collection) was $1000 and perfectly lovely. In case I wasn't picking up on the fact that this dress was COUTURE, it was called Monique Lou(huillier of course, was implied). I put on the dress, and I can absolutely tell you, it was a nice dress. Full stop. There was not a thing in the world wrong with it. I looked lovely in it, the lace was nice, I looked like a bride.

And yet, somehow, it left me with a empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I looked like A BRIDE, ie, a dress up doll of a bride. I looked like a bride, but I didn't feel a thing like myself. My inner sass, I'm afraid, was completely muffled.

So here is the crux of the issue. I don't believe in wedding perfection. I don't think that you need to have some life changing transcendental "oh mommy" moment when you put on a dress. I have a great life, thanks, I don't need to find my moment of zen in a wedding dress store. But I do think that we each deserve to feel fabulous on our wedding day, and on my wedding day I would like to feel fully, absolutely, and radically like myself. And I'd rather wear a amazing cocktail dress then a beautiful wedding dress that doesn't feel a thing like me.

So, for gods sakes, you lucky brides with the dress in the closet, tell me there is hope (even if it does not live in David's Bridal.) And if you don't have a dress, you should try ye old David's Bridal. My neurosis should not stop your bargain shopping!

Picture: this homemade dress, this dress has sass. via Our Labor Of Love.

Dress Shopping, The Lovely Edition

There haven't been many updates of late about the Practical Wedding itself, but that's just because when you are 16 months away from your wedding most news days are slow news days. And too much of us is tres boring, no? But, this weekend, I went wedding dress shopping with two of my girlfriends, and it was so much fun that I had to fill you in on the details.

We started with brunch at Brenda's French Soul Food, which was indescribably tasty. Always fatten yourself up before dress shopping, I say. Next, we decided the easiest way to get where we were going was by cable car, so on we hopped. The cable car trundled it's way up the hill, right past Grace Cathedral, where my parents got married 33 years ago. I got a little teary then, for the only time that day.

Our appointment was at a high end dress shop with a huge selection. It was filled with dresses I couldn't/wouldn't afford, but I was getting desperate. I hadn't seen a single dress that I was even vaguely willing to consider, and without some real ideas, it seemed impossible to even think about getting a dress made, or visualizing it into existence, or whatever the game plan is.

I ended up with the worlds nicest helper. When I told her I didn't care about prices since I was just getting ideas, not buying, she actually clapped and hopped up and down. Off she tore to the vault o' bride, from whence she emerged with at least 10 dresses. I've heard a lot of brides say they went into the shopping experience with firm ideas, and came out with a different dress. But stubborn me? Nope. Everyone thought my idea of long and lace was a little dubious and possibly old fashioned, until I put one on. And then, happiness and joy! Long and lace was lovely! Of course it was $5K, so did not buy it, but at least I know what I like (though retro dress shopping approaches apace!)

Funniest moment of the day? Me standing in front of a mirror in a ginormous wedding dress with a long train, a cathedral length veil, and some fake flowers.

Girlfriend: (teary)
Me: Huh.
Girlfriend: Oh, if only David could see you now!
Me: I think he'd say that this was a little bit much.
Girlfriend: God, remind me not to marry someone that cynical. I need some romance.

Now a sneak peek of the dress that cost too much, with the train that I am to clumsy to have:

Perhaps Vintage, At Heart

It's funny, because I don't tend to think of myself as one of those VINTAGE girls. I have always had my own particular taste, and I just sort of traipse along, knowing what I love and what I don't like so much... and some of what I love is old fashioned, and that is fine. But when it comes to wedding dresses, I'm suddenly finding that I have very old fashioned tastes. Maybe it's just that I don't like what's currently in vogue. Maybe it's that I hate this age of weddings as conspicuous consumption. Tiaras? Not sober. Princess dresses? Uh-uh. Strapless? Ahhh! Aggressive sparkles? Ohpleasejustleavemealoneinthiscornerplease?

But let us look at dresses I do like:

I can't seem to get away from loving the tea length, 1950's dress. My mom is afraid I will regret a short dress (fair) and that it will look dated one of these days. Will it? Possibly. But I'm not sure that this counts has a full blown trend, since it is both delightfully retro, and totally impossible to find in a regular wedding dress salon.
Then, there are the long dresses. Since this picture makes me think Lovely! Long! Bridal! So I'm clearly still loving vintage. I love how this dress is long, but not froofy. I love how it has no train. I love how it is simple yet elegant.

What do you think, dear reader? Will I regret a short dress? Do you like the long and simple look? Can I go wedding dress shopping again without stabbing out my eyes? Stay tuned.

Pictures via Real Simple Weddings and {Furi Kuri} weddings

Short & Lace

I always say I want a long lace dress or a short 50's style dress, and David always asks me "Why not short and lace?" I thought it would look weird. I was wrong. It looks awesome.
Pictures and dress via Stephanie James Couture.

Twisting The Night Away

This is one of my all time favorite dresses. The thing I love the most about this wedding is the dress, it's stylish, lovely and unique (and it has a deep V in the back, in the center picture, I love that the most). To top it all off it was made by a friend of the bride, which makes it personal too.

In the end, if I end up having a short wedding dress, it may be this series of pictures that helped me make the final decision. If there is one thing I want to do at my wedding it's DANCE (and I want everyone else to be dancing too). At a party I like any kind of music I can dance to: klezmer, R&B, swing, soul, country, rock. I've started to realize that most wedding dresses are not made with serious dancing in mind. Maybe a teary eyed slow dance, but not the hora, the jitterbug, the twist, and the electric slide.

What do you guys think? Can you make a long (non poofy) dress work for dancing? Is short the way to go? What crazy tests should I be doing at bridal salons? (I'm getting a dress made of course, but testing samples at bridal salons.) Thank goodness I ruled out a train already!

Photos via Martha.

The Dress Horrors: Highway Robbery Edition

So I stopped by a wedding dress salon on my lunch break the other day, just to see if they had anything that fit the bill. You know: not strapless, not sparkly, not poofy. Since I'm not four, or going to prom, you'd think I'd be in luck. But nooo, of course not. Finally, I found one dress that was a lovely, simple lace sheath. Then I checked the price tag. $5,500.

Can we just take a minute to think that over? Lets assume that this dress was made out of really nice lace, and there was 6 yards of lace in the dress. That means I would be paying $916 a yard, all in, for that dress. $916 a YARD! Did Rumpelstiltskin spin it out of pure gold, do you think? Or am I just being ripped off? It's not even about "can't afford." I'm a determined independent woman with a credit card. I'm sure I could figure out how to pay for it. It's really about "won't pay." I don't like feeling robbed. Plus, I don't like wastefulness.

While I was in the store, I also saw the lovely new layered Vera Wang Dress that the bridal world has been buzzing about (pictured above). And I can tell you, its really pretty, and clearly well crafted. The one problem is, it weighs about 15 pounds, and can stand up on its own. How on earth are you going to have fun and dance at your wedding reception while you are dragging around 15 pounds of dress?

Oh, right. And it's $11,000. Which is a good price. For a car.

By which I mean to say, I think its high time we all stopped acting quite so starry eyed and romantic about weddings. Maybe we want to start this new chapter in our lives with our heads firmly attached to our bodies, making good decisions about spending money. Lets all collectively vow to stop feeling badly about having a wedding on a budget, and start feeling proud. At least we can tell the difference between a good price for a car and a good price for a dress.

Picture via Brides.com