You guys. Did you know their were BLOG CARNIVALS*? It's like a whole new world opened up to me. Anyway, I'm part of one on an awesome blog written by a awesome reader who I met in real life once.
It's a feminist blog carnival at that. Feminism & beauty. I KNOW. Go look!
*It's a bunch of links to amazing thematic content. I need to read it all... as soon as this darn blog is done.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
On Weddings And How They Differ From Marriage (wishing you twin elephants)
Whoa. This from via the ever-smart Lauren, from the book Altared. Seriously. Read it all:
Weddings are not marriages, and I wish they were. Weddings are to marriage as a single bamboo shoot is to a jungle, as a seashell is to the ocean floor: nice enough, not unrepresentative, and almost totally irrelevant. Marriage is all about the long road, about terror and disappointment, about recovery and contentment, about passions of all kinds. Weddings are about a party-- which is why I think marriage should be approached with blinking yellow lights, orange safety cones, and all other signs of great caution, and weddings should be encouraged as things apart. Why should we expect that looking pretty in white (or the flattering color of your choice) and doing a credible fox-trot has anything to do with staying calm in the face of resentful indifference, selective deafness, Oedipal disorders, or horrible stepchildren? It should be enough, it seems to me, to look as good as one can and enjoy the party. Brides who cannot enjoy their own weddings are either possessed of too much knowledge (this marriage is a mistake) or too much something else (like women who scream when the bouquet has one too many sprigs of baby's breath). I wish that crazy, over-the-top weddings (doves dyed pink, twin elephants, wedding favors from Gucci, and Handel's "Water Music" played by Yo-Yo Ma) led to marriages that were extravagant celebrations of love, that the excess foretold a lifetime of generosity, sensuality, and matching elephants of kindness and loyalty. I wish that simple little weddings, barefoot in a cranberry bog, with ten friends as witnesses, would lead to a life in which less is really more and stays that way. Marriage requires common sense, self-awareness, compatible senses of humor (Jackie Mason will not be happy with Oscar Wilde, although Bernie Mac might be), compatible sex drives, and enough, but not too much, perseverance. Weddings, on the other hand, offer just a day's happiness, and require only a willingness to dance-- even badly-- and embrace the world and big love for a short time.
Weddings are not marriages, and I wish they were. Weddings are to marriage as a single bamboo shoot is to a jungle, as a seashell is to the ocean floor: nice enough, not unrepresentative, and almost totally irrelevant. Marriage is all about the long road, about terror and disappointment, about recovery and contentment, about passions of all kinds. Weddings are about a party-- which is why I think marriage should be approached with blinking yellow lights, orange safety cones, and all other signs of great caution, and weddings should be encouraged as things apart. Why should we expect that looking pretty in white (or the flattering color of your choice) and doing a credible fox-trot has anything to do with staying calm in the face of resentful indifference, selective deafness, Oedipal disorders, or horrible stepchildren? It should be enough, it seems to me, to look as good as one can and enjoy the party. Brides who cannot enjoy their own weddings are either possessed of too much knowledge (this marriage is a mistake) or too much something else (like women who scream when the bouquet has one too many sprigs of baby's breath). I wish that crazy, over-the-top weddings (doves dyed pink, twin elephants, wedding favors from Gucci, and Handel's "Water Music" played by Yo-Yo Ma) led to marriages that were extravagant celebrations of love, that the excess foretold a lifetime of generosity, sensuality, and matching elephants of kindness and loyalty. I wish that simple little weddings, barefoot in a cranberry bog, with ten friends as witnesses, would lead to a life in which less is really more and stays that way. Marriage requires common sense, self-awareness, compatible senses of humor (Jackie Mason will not be happy with Oscar Wilde, although Bernie Mac might be), compatible sex drives, and enough, but not too much, perseverance. Weddings, on the other hand, offer just a day's happiness, and require only a willingness to dance-- even badly-- and embrace the world and big love for a short time.
What I Learned About Money While Planning My Wedding
I wrote this post for Dana to run on Broke-Ass Bride a few months back. Then I sort of modified it for the new Offbeat Bride book. But I've never run it on APW, and I think it deserves to be here. It's one of the most packed-with-useful-to-me stuff posts I wrote after our wedding. Because learning about my and our relationship to money, ohhhhh boy. That's applicable to marraige. So, long overdue, what learned about money when planning our wedding.
First of all, I have to say that one of the reasons that I started my blog is because I felt like the only bride in the world with a sensible approach to money when I read wedding media. It sucked. While my partner and I are no longer broke (though, *boy* have we been) we still are fairly cautious with our money. Add to that the fact that we're a one bread-winner household at the moment (my husband is in law school) and, well, we don't have a money tree in the backyard. So we figured we'd throw together a nice wedding on a oh-dear-god-it-feels-expensive-to-us-but-I-guess-we-can-do-this kind of budget. Ha. Well, about two seconds into wedding planning I started to feel like the poorest and saddest bride on the planet.
I finally hit the wall when I read about a 'budget' wedding on one of those big-shiny-wedding-blogs. It read something like this: "Well, since we were doing a wedding on a budget, we obviously had to be very selective in our choices, and limit what we spent money on. That's why we decided to really limit things when it came to our music choices. In the end, we decided to only hire a string quartet, a gospel choir, and a rock band, to keep things simple and affordable."
After I finished slamming my head against the table, I think I sent my then-fiance a link to this wedding with an email along these lines, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? If this couple HADN'T been on a budget were they planning on also hiring a 100 PERSON OPERA CHORUS? WHAT THE MOTHER F*CKING F*CK? I. Hate. Wedding. Planning."
Right. So I started my blog. Turns out I wasn't so alone after all.
What I mean to say is this: when you do not have unlimited resources and you are planning a wedding, sometimes every moment feels like a painful negotiation. You can't afford the things that it seems like everyone else has, shopping for a wedding dress can feel like h*ll, and finding a venue can become you're worst nightmare. If you're at all like me, planning a wedding can feel like you are thinking about money all the time, and learning to hate it.
So here are my very best wedding graduate tips about money and weddings. Here is what I learned, and what I wished I known at the beginning:
First of all, I have to say that one of the reasons that I started my blog is because I felt like the only bride in the world with a sensible approach to money when I read wedding media. It sucked. While my partner and I are no longer broke (though, *boy* have we been) we still are fairly cautious with our money. Add to that the fact that we're a one bread-winner household at the moment (my husband is in law school) and, well, we don't have a money tree in the backyard. So we figured we'd throw together a nice wedding on a oh-dear-god-it-feels-expensive-to-us-but-I-guess-we-can-do-this kind of budget. Ha. Well, about two seconds into wedding planning I started to feel like the poorest and saddest bride on the planet.
I finally hit the wall when I read about a 'budget' wedding on one of those big-shiny-wedding-blogs. It read something like this: "Well, since we were doing a wedding on a budget, we obviously had to be very selective in our choices, and limit what we spent money on. That's why we decided to really limit things when it came to our music choices. In the end, we decided to only hire a string quartet, a gospel choir, and a rock band, to keep things simple and affordable."
After I finished slamming my head against the table, I think I sent my then-fiance a link to this wedding with an email along these lines, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? If this couple HADN'T been on a budget were they planning on also hiring a 100 PERSON OPERA CHORUS? WHAT THE MOTHER F*CKING F*CK? I. Hate. Wedding. Planning."
Right. So I started my blog. Turns out I wasn't so alone after all.
What I mean to say is this: when you do not have unlimited resources and you are planning a wedding, sometimes every moment feels like a painful negotiation. You can't afford the things that it seems like everyone else has, shopping for a wedding dress can feel like h*ll, and finding a venue can become you're worst nightmare. If you're at all like me, planning a wedding can feel like you are thinking about money all the time, and learning to hate it.
So here are my very best wedding graduate tips about money and weddings. Here is what I learned, and what I wished I known at the beginning:
- Weddings are not about money. They feel like they are about money when you're planning, for effing sure, but in the end, money is not going to matter. At all. Weddings are are about love, plain and simple. On your wedding day you could be getting married in your backyard with not a single pretty detail to be found, and you wouldn't care. The hugeness of getting married, and making this huge commitment in front of family and friends will surpass every single thing around it, and what you spent will disappear.
- As one of my wedding graduates said, "You don't have to spend money in ways that does not feel right to you, or that makes you feel financially uncomfortable." There were many times that I started feeling backed into a corner "But that is just what getting my hair done is going to cost, no matter how crazy it seems!" And I thought back to this advice and just said, "Nope. Not going to do it." Every time, that ended up being one of the best decisions we made.
- Forget DIY. The wedding blog world can make you feel like you have to be a crafty, crafty goddess if you want to save money, and that's enough to drive anyone over the edge. Start thinking about DIT - doing-it-together. Each time we asked a loved one to contribute to our day - from the girlfriend that did my hair to the girlfriend that managed the weekend - it added a depth of joy to our celebration that no money could have bought. On top of that, it gave each friend a way to show their love and feel like they really contributed to this monumentally important moment of our lives, and that turned out to be a gift in and of itself.
- Once you make a financial decision that feels right to you - stick to your guns. Wedding planning can be a constant pattern of second guessing - "Well, so and so self-catered, maybe we should do that?" This. Will. Drive. You. Mad. If your choice was right for you, that's it. You're done, and you're fine.
- Your budget is your business. Make sure you're spending an amount of money that feels good to you. Then ignore what other people think. Big-wedding-media can consume you with guilt about not spending enough. Indie-web-media can consume you with guilt that you are spending too much. You know what? If you feel good about it, what you are spending is just right.
- Spend your money on things you care about. We didn't have lots of 'must haves.' We didn't have a DJ, a florist, favors, or matching bridesmaids dresses. And we didn't miss them. But you know what we did have? Amazing gourmet food, that we splurged on. We're foodies, we cared about food. The food at our wedding was staggeringly good, and to us, it was worth every penny.
- Don't be afraid to say no. If you don't care? Don't buy it. If someone is making you sign a contract that doesn't feel right? Don't sign it. If it doesn't feel right? Put away your wallet. If you do this, things will somehow fall into place. I could not find a single wedding dress that felt right, even if I was willing to spend $1,000. In the end, I said no to all the options that felt awful, and I found the worlds best dress for me, buried in the corner of a vintage shop, for $250, just a few months before the wedding.
- Sometimes it is worth it to pay full price. As a bride on a limited budget, people will tell you to bargain, to barter, to do anything to pay less. Sometimes this is the right thing to do, and it will all work out. But there are other times when you don't want to think about something anymore, and you're willing to throw money at the problem to make it go away. Do it. Sometimes bartering will make your relationship with a vendor so complicated that you're uncomfortable. Pay full price. It may be worth it.
- Try not to become obsessed with your target budget. Pay what feels right to you, and what you feel like you can afford. If you end up a little under or a little over budget? Its fine. Because guess what? You don't have to report your budget to anyone. So be kind to yourself, and remember that you did your best.
- And finally: Remember, one day the spending will all be behind you. The best part about spending money on your wedding? It happens once, and then you NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN. The last months before our wedding, I felt like I was taking out my checkbook every two seconds, and I hated it. But on the morning after the wedding I realized it was done, it was over, and I never had to spend that money every again. And that, my friends, felt like freedom.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wedding Undergraduate: 41 Days To Go, And I'm Feeling... A Lot Of Things
So. It turns out I have several unpublished posts from the days leading up to our wedding. Things were hard, my mom was very ill, and I wrote stuff down, but didn't always feel strong enough to share it with the world. So I'm sharing it with you now. Because it's part of the story.
Dear Team Practical,
Big sigh from over here. We are (my Knot countdown says... I only go to the Knot to see my countdown) 40 days away from our wedding. My Knot countdown also says I have roughly 100 tasks un-done before the wedding, but it's incorrect on that front. Being a super organized ex-event planner, I wanted the last month of the planning to be as stress free as possible, so we have very few tasks left to go. And then my mom got sick... and that brings a whole different level of real world stress to our lives. I find that I'm so emotionally distracted that when people ask me things like what shoes I'm going to wear for the wedding, I sort of look blank and say, "Um. The ones I've got I think, I'm not totally sure."
So, what I find odd is that I keep ricocheting between this feeling of, "Oh my GOD I just want to be married already!" Because A) Real life is stressful right now and the wedding can be another layer of stress and B) as much as we've planned for the wedding, and as important as having a meaningful wedding is to us, it's our MARRIAGE that I'm really excited about. And then there are other moments when it feels like the wedding is really real and really close, and I think about wearing my homemade veil and walking down the aisle and dancing and dancing and dancing, and I want to jump up and down from excitement.
Which is all to say, weddings are really complicated emotional times. Sometimes the hardest part for me is feeling like I SHOULD feel really happy for this whole final month. That I SHOULD be overjoyed, or I'm not doing it right. I feel like my excitement shouldn't be tempered with any other feelings, or with just wanting to be married. My dear internet girlfriend, the very wise Amanda reminded me this week, that their are no 'shoulds,' there is only how we feel. That holding ourselves to a ideal standard when that's not what we feel only creates more stress. Plus, my super smart fiance pointed out that it's getting married that should be full of joy, not the party itself (which can sometimes be stressful). So, if we're excited about our marriage, we're on the right track.
So over the next few weeks I'm going to just let myself go from feeling very excited, to wanting to be married already, to zen, to whatever else I feel... even if I feel all those things all in the same five minutes. And I'm going to try to remind myself that that is OK. Weddings are a complicated time, and there can be other emotions mixed in with joy and excitement, and that is... dare I say... normal. Anyone else in the same complicated boat?
xo,
Meg
Dear Team Practical,
Big sigh from over here. We are (my Knot countdown says... I only go to the Knot to see my countdown) 40 days away from our wedding. My Knot countdown also says I have roughly 100 tasks un-done before the wedding, but it's incorrect on that front. Being a super organized ex-event planner, I wanted the last month of the planning to be as stress free as possible, so we have very few tasks left to go. And then my mom got sick... and that brings a whole different level of real world stress to our lives. I find that I'm so emotionally distracted that when people ask me things like what shoes I'm going to wear for the wedding, I sort of look blank and say, "Um. The ones I've got I think, I'm not totally sure."
So, what I find odd is that I keep ricocheting between this feeling of, "Oh my GOD I just want to be married already!" Because A) Real life is stressful right now and the wedding can be another layer of stress and B) as much as we've planned for the wedding, and as important as having a meaningful wedding is to us, it's our MARRIAGE that I'm really excited about. And then there are other moments when it feels like the wedding is really real and really close, and I think about wearing my homemade veil and walking down the aisle and dancing and dancing and dancing, and I want to jump up and down from excitement.
Which is all to say, weddings are really complicated emotional times. Sometimes the hardest part for me is feeling like I SHOULD feel really happy for this whole final month. That I SHOULD be overjoyed, or I'm not doing it right. I feel like my excitement shouldn't be tempered with any other feelings, or with just wanting to be married. My dear internet girlfriend, the very wise Amanda reminded me this week, that their are no 'shoulds,' there is only how we feel. That holding ourselves to a ideal standard when that's not what we feel only creates more stress. Plus, my super smart fiance pointed out that it's getting married that should be full of joy, not the party itself (which can sometimes be stressful). So, if we're excited about our marriage, we're on the right track.
So over the next few weeks I'm going to just let myself go from feeling very excited, to wanting to be married already, to zen, to whatever else I feel... even if I feel all those things all in the same five minutes. And I'm going to try to remind myself that that is OK. Weddings are a complicated time, and there can be other emotions mixed in with joy and excitement, and that is... dare I say... normal. Anyone else in the same complicated boat?
xo,
Meg
Monday, March 29, 2010
APW Site Nuttiness
Hello All-
Are you getting error messages, and forwarding messages and all kinds of weirdness when you come to the site? Sigh. Well. We all are, and I'm sorry. It's a boring story, but in essence my URL is no longer owned by blogger/google, as we prep for the move, and blogger is, per usual, freaking out.
So. Never fear. We'll keep on keeping on this week, cranking out lovely content and cranking at blogger, and next week - new! pretty!
Soon, we are out of their clutches! Hang in there. And thank you.
x
Meg
Are you getting error messages, and forwarding messages and all kinds of weirdness when you come to the site? Sigh. Well. We all are, and I'm sorry. It's a boring story, but in essence my URL is no longer owned by blogger/google, as we prep for the move, and blogger is, per usual, freaking out.
So. Never fear. We'll keep on keeping on this week, cranking out lovely content and cranking at blogger, and next week - new! pretty!
Soon, we are out of their clutches! Hang in there. And thank you.
x
Meg
How To Self Cater Your Wedding, Part II
When I got this email about self-catering from reader Mandy, it came with the disclaimer, "maybe this is stuff everyone already knows." And when I started reading it over, I thought, "No, but this is stuff everyone *should* know." This email takes me back to the no-nonsense vibe of the church kitchens of my childhood, or to peeling a 10 pound sack of potatoes with my cousins in England as we helped prepare Thanksgiving dinner for 70 people. By which I mean to say, if real life wedding planning is about hauling and lifting? Self catering is about endless peeling and cleaning and scrubbing. It's not glamorous work, but it is rewarding as h*ll, for those of you that take it on. And, no matter what anyone tells you, it can be done (but ONLY if you *want* to do it - don't guilt yourself into this one, no how, no way). Now, Mandy:
Back in December, we drove down to Georgia to attend my fiance's aunt's wedding. It was a second wedding for both his aunt and her new husband (they'd both been widowed years ago) and the entire thing was taking place on the same day as the annual family Christmas gathering. There were about sixty or so people at the reception, and around thirty-five of those came back for a second meal after the reception when the actual family Christmas party started. Needless to say...this translates to a LOT of food. And no joke, the bride cooked nearly all of that food herself, with some help from her sisters (and me, towards the end). So for those of you who think that it just can't be done...it can be done, single-handedly, by a woman in her sixties in a tiny kitchen. Granted, some of us are attempting to self-cater weddings with double or even triple that amount of guests, but I still find inspiration in remembering this particular experience, as well as a few guidelines I plan to follow when we do this in a few months. I don't normally like to break things into dos and don'ts, but it seems like the best way to simplify all I've got to say. Also, please note that I am not an expert, and no advice can cover every situation. This is just what I learned from helping with a self-catered wedding...plus a little bit of knowledge gathered from years of helping prepare large amounts of food for large amounts of people, otherwise known as "my family is huge and loves to eat a lot."
DO enlist good people to help, if you can. I don't mean ask just anyone to help. I mean find people you really trust to help get the job done. If things don't go as planned and this means they stay up with you til 3:30 in the morning preparing food only to get up at 7:00 the next morning and continue preparing food until midnight the night before the wedding, you'll want to have people around who won't grumble about it. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have those helpers at their beck and call, but if you are, use them.
DON'T decide to try out new recipes that you've never even heard of before. This seemed to be the biggest stress-factor for our Aunt B; while she mostly stuck to foods she knew, she was also determined to make several items that were "fancy" to impress her new husband's family. If you really, REALLY want a particular food item at your wedding, make the recipe ahead of time to try it out. And please don't start making foods to impress anyone. Because honestly, looking back, I don't think anyone remembers the "fancy" food any more than the mashed potatoes. All we remember is that the food was good.
DO make foods that transport well. This sort of goes along with the fancy-food advice above, because as a general rule, the fancier foods are the ones who won't survive a trip in the back of a car to the reception site. One of my jobs the morning of became salvaging what I could of these little mini-pastry things that ended up getting stuck to the top of the boxes they were in.
DON'T forget about platters. I'm sure there's a more general name than that, but where I'm from, we use platters to serve just about everything. If you don't care about things matching, then borrow as many as you can (and make sure that they are all labeled on the bottom with the names of who you borrowed them from, because you will not remember at all who they belong to after the ceremony). Borrow at least ten more than you think you need. It's better to have too many than to realize the day-of that you're going to have to serve cheese and crackers on a paper plate. Unless paper plates are what you want. Then go right ahead.
DO break things up into smaller tasks. Your helpers will be much more helpful if you can give them a specific task that needs to be accomplished, like peeling potatoes or grating cheese, or even taking out the trash in the kitchen when it starts to resemble something out of a B-horror movie. It's almost like dealing with young children in some ways. If you tell a small child, "pick up the toys" the results won't be nearly as quick or painless as if you had said, "pick up the cars and put them back in the car box". The same rule really applies with helpers in a kitchen situation; the more specific you are with instructions, the faster (and better) results will happen.
DON'T forget about serving utensils AND cooking utensils (knives, big spoons, etc.). Please, please don't forget about them. I almost want to put this at the top of the list, because if you don't think about them, you will be at the ceremony site in the middle of NOWHERE with no stores nearby, frantically calling cousins to ask them to stop off at the Dollar General on their way there to please, PLEASE buy some knives and spoons (and platters, and an extra tablecloth). Forgetting knives was quite possibly the most stressful event of the day, and yet it's something no one had thought about ahead of time because all of us were so used to having kitchen utensils within easy reach.
DO make a list of exactly what food you're making, and keep that list updated. Check an item off once it's finished. Not only does this give you a finish line to look foward to, it also saves your kitchen helpers from starting on a task that may have already been finished.
DON'T add foods to the list last-minute that you weren't planning on. This might sound obvious, but how many of us have ever gotten into DIY-mode and thought, "Oh, but wouldn't THIS be great to have?" Don't do that to yourself. Come up with your list ahead of time, get everything you need for those specific dishes gathered ahead of time, and stick to the list. It's okay to leave something out if you run out of time, but if you have to drop and item from the list, don't make yourself crazy by trying to add something in its place.
In the end, helping Aunt B with self-catering her wedding is part of what inspired us to self-cater our own. Yes, it was a lot of work. Yes, it was a headache at times. But what I really remember is licking cake-icing off spoons at midnight, all of us giddy and tired and happy because the food was all finished, and feeling like even though I had come into the process a little late, I had shared something great with those women.
Looking back, I realize it was a much-needed bonding experience for all of us involved. My fiance's brother had passed away just two months earlier. This was the first Christmas and the first big family-event to take place since he passed. There were a lot of tears that weekend because losing him was really hard on the entire family. Maybe not everyone bonds over food the way Southern women do, but as for me, food preparation is really a family experience. I might be singing a different tune when my own wedding rolls around, but right now, I truly think I would take memories of making our own food with loved ones over pretty plates any day.
Back in December, we drove down to Georgia to attend my fiance's aunt's wedding. It was a second wedding for both his aunt and her new husband (they'd both been widowed years ago) and the entire thing was taking place on the same day as the annual family Christmas gathering. There were about sixty or so people at the reception, and around thirty-five of those came back for a second meal after the reception when the actual family Christmas party started. Needless to say...this translates to a LOT of food. And no joke, the bride cooked nearly all of that food herself, with some help from her sisters (and me, towards the end). So for those of you who think that it just can't be done...it can be done, single-handedly, by a woman in her sixties in a tiny kitchen. Granted, some of us are attempting to self-cater weddings with double or even triple that amount of guests, but I still find inspiration in remembering this particular experience, as well as a few guidelines I plan to follow when we do this in a few months. I don't normally like to break things into dos and don'ts, but it seems like the best way to simplify all I've got to say. Also, please note that I am not an expert, and no advice can cover every situation. This is just what I learned from helping with a self-catered wedding...plus a little bit of knowledge gathered from years of helping prepare large amounts of food for large amounts of people, otherwise known as "my family is huge and loves to eat a lot."
DO enlist good people to help, if you can. I don't mean ask just anyone to help. I mean find people you really trust to help get the job done. If things don't go as planned and this means they stay up with you til 3:30 in the morning preparing food only to get up at 7:00 the next morning and continue preparing food until midnight the night before the wedding, you'll want to have people around who won't grumble about it. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have those helpers at their beck and call, but if you are, use them.
DON'T decide to try out new recipes that you've never even heard of before. This seemed to be the biggest stress-factor for our Aunt B; while she mostly stuck to foods she knew, she was also determined to make several items that were "fancy" to impress her new husband's family. If you really, REALLY want a particular food item at your wedding, make the recipe ahead of time to try it out. And please don't start making foods to impress anyone. Because honestly, looking back, I don't think anyone remembers the "fancy" food any more than the mashed potatoes. All we remember is that the food was good.
DO make foods that transport well. This sort of goes along with the fancy-food advice above, because as a general rule, the fancier foods are the ones who won't survive a trip in the back of a car to the reception site. One of my jobs the morning of became salvaging what I could of these little mini-pastry things that ended up getting stuck to the top of the boxes they were in.
DON'T forget about platters. I'm sure there's a more general name than that, but where I'm from, we use platters to serve just about everything. If you don't care about things matching, then borrow as many as you can (and make sure that they are all labeled on the bottom with the names of who you borrowed them from, because you will not remember at all who they belong to after the ceremony). Borrow at least ten more than you think you need. It's better to have too many than to realize the day-of that you're going to have to serve cheese and crackers on a paper plate. Unless paper plates are what you want. Then go right ahead.
DO break things up into smaller tasks. Your helpers will be much more helpful if you can give them a specific task that needs to be accomplished, like peeling potatoes or grating cheese, or even taking out the trash in the kitchen when it starts to resemble something out of a B-horror movie. It's almost like dealing with young children in some ways. If you tell a small child, "pick up the toys" the results won't be nearly as quick or painless as if you had said, "pick up the cars and put them back in the car box". The same rule really applies with helpers in a kitchen situation; the more specific you are with instructions, the faster (and better) results will happen.
DON'T forget about serving utensils AND cooking utensils (knives, big spoons, etc.). Please, please don't forget about them. I almost want to put this at the top of the list, because if you don't think about them, you will be at the ceremony site in the middle of NOWHERE with no stores nearby, frantically calling cousins to ask them to stop off at the Dollar General on their way there to please, PLEASE buy some knives and spoons (and platters, and an extra tablecloth). Forgetting knives was quite possibly the most stressful event of the day, and yet it's something no one had thought about ahead of time because all of us were so used to having kitchen utensils within easy reach.
DO make a list of exactly what food you're making, and keep that list updated. Check an item off once it's finished. Not only does this give you a finish line to look foward to, it also saves your kitchen helpers from starting on a task that may have already been finished.
DON'T add foods to the list last-minute that you weren't planning on. This might sound obvious, but how many of us have ever gotten into DIY-mode and thought, "Oh, but wouldn't THIS be great to have?" Don't do that to yourself. Come up with your list ahead of time, get everything you need for those specific dishes gathered ahead of time, and stick to the list. It's okay to leave something out if you run out of time, but if you have to drop and item from the list, don't make yourself crazy by trying to add something in its place.
In the end, helping Aunt B with self-catering her wedding is part of what inspired us to self-cater our own. Yes, it was a lot of work. Yes, it was a headache at times. But what I really remember is licking cake-icing off spoons at midnight, all of us giddy and tired and happy because the food was all finished, and feeling like even though I had come into the process a little late, I had shared something great with those women.
Looking back, I realize it was a much-needed bonding experience for all of us involved. My fiance's brother had passed away just two months earlier. This was the first Christmas and the first big family-event to take place since he passed. There were a lot of tears that weekend because losing him was really hard on the entire family. Maybe not everyone bonds over food the way Southern women do, but as for me, food preparation is really a family experience. I might be singing a different tune when my own wedding rolls around, but right now, I truly think I would take memories of making our own food with loved ones over pretty plates any day.
How To Self Cater Your Wedding, Part I
So. As promised, we are going to begin our foray into discussing self catering your wedding. I've gotten approximately a billion posts from y'all on the subject, and over the next few weeks I will be treating you to a few at a time. Before we dive in though, I wanted to outline my basic rules on self catering. Seriously kids, these ones are important:- Is this cooking for large groups thing something you enjoy? Do you throw dinner parties? Do you, um, know how to cook? If the answer to these questions is not yes, PLEASE STEP AWAY. There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception. So pick up the phone, order some cake (and maybe an ice cream cake or two? Yum!) and buy yourself some punch and bubbly. Done. Your wedding is not the time to A) Take on a massive project that makes you feel like gouging your eyes out, or B) Learn to cook.
- Do you have help? Seriously. I'm going to ask again: Do you have help? Because you're not going to be self-catering your wedding yourself, nuh-uh. Please see cake and punch, above.
- Food Safety. I'm a hippy kid. I've been to many a self-catered and community catered wedding/ party. When you hear people on the interwebs talk about it they are always like, "Blah, blah, blah, sharing food is sharing love, sharing love is sharing a community." And whatever. That's nice. But if sharing food means sharing a dubious fish and mayonnaise dish that was carted in a hot car for six hours... well... I'm pretty sure the communal act of vomiting was not what you were going for, yeah? So. If you're going to self-cater, self-cater. But self-cater with safety. And that's my final word on the subject.
Picture: Best-picture-ever from Team Practical member Jill's self catered wedding. taken by valkyrieh116
Sunday, March 28, 2010
APW & Ready Made
Heyyyy - APW got a mention in Ready Made this month (you know, a magazine I actually *read*) along with a bunch of other fabulous women. I'm choosing to take this as an auspicious sign for the week of the re-launch... particularly since in a genus move, I picked the week I can't eat bread for the final push. Fabulous. F*ck.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sponsored Post: A Turtle Love Committee
Long time sponsor Turtle Love Co. has been growing and changing lately (look at their new tag line - artisan. indie. eco), and it's such a joy to watch. Today I get to highlight their eco friendly pearls, hand made in Maine (I need some...). Also, you can sign up for their brand new gorgeous catalog and email mailing list.
Webby Nonsense
We're moving APW's URL to a new owner this weekend. So! If you see anything bananas going on (hopefully you won't) never fear.
Classic APW: David's Only Guest Post Ever
You know how you guys are always begging for David to do a guest post? Well he did one. Once. Two years ago. I know that by now we've trod back and forth over these ideas for a bit, but it's DAVID, and you get to hear him in his own words, instead of through my (rather substantial) filter. So I figured that was the best Friday present I could give you. And now I'm going to go back to prepping Wedding Graduate posts until my fingers fall off. And drinking. But now, David himself:
David here, the "better half" at chez practical. I have been asked, well maybe more persuasively requested, to write a guest blog from the other-gendered point-of-view. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with something to write for this first guest blog and decided that it may be best to use my insights into the male mind to aid you all along in the happiest day of YOUR life.
Which brings me to my point: It's not the happiest day in your life. There are many reasons for this. First, I hope to God, for the sake of each and every one of you, that your wedding does not end up being the happiest day in your life. Children, grandchildren, promotions, hell, even a great vacation - these should be the happiest days in your life. The point - they're well ahead of you, perhaps somewhere around the age of 45 (and if you ARE 45, let's say 75). Most importantly, though, and I know that the industry is myopically unaware of this fact, there is another person there: Your Groom (my apologies to my LGBT friends for this gendered post).
I know, sometimes he doesn't seem to be listening as you tell him about the great dress you just saw online. But let me just remind you that sometimes you do this in the middle of something he's watching on tv. But trust me, he's interested. But here's the sticky part, he's not interested in every detail. Think "He's just not into you", with "you" replaced by fill-in-the-blank (flowers, placecards, centerpieces). Let me repeat this for the back of the room, he's not interested. No, this doesn't mean he secretly-has-an-opinion-but-he-
is-afraid-to-say-it. I have this conversation all the time with Meg - sometimes my mind is a blank slate of opinion.** No amount of sitting down and reflecting on my feelings is going to change that. It's done. There's nothing there. Live with it.
But just because he's not interested in all the details, doesn't mean he doesn't care about the wedding reflecting both of your tastes. For example, I put down my foot: No Pastels! I can't stand the flowery, poofy, pastelly "romantic" look. And you know what? If I really can't stand it, it shouldn't be in the wedding. I want to be able to look back at pictures of my wedding day and think that the lack of pale blue/light pink color combinations was because it was OUR wedding, and not just my partner's.
So just like you need to sit down with your parents and ask them what they feel is important (because it's not just the collective YOUR day, it's partly their day too), ask your partner. If it's only one thing, your job is easy. If it's more, listen to the reasons. If there are no reasons, don't push. Sometimes there are no reasons. The male mind is one big Id sometimes, and that's ok.
**Note from Meg: It's just that I can't imagine not having a opinion about something. Heck, if I don't care, I make up a opinion just so I can have a point of view. One of the many reasons I'm a DELIGHT, I tell you!
Picture: What David secretly dreams our wedding will look like. Or did he say it was his nightmare? Can't remember. From here.
David here, the "better half" at chez practical. I have been asked, well maybe more persuasively requested, to write a guest blog from the other-gendered point-of-view. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with something to write for this first guest blog and decided that it may be best to use my insights into the male mind to aid you all along in the happiest day of YOUR life.Which brings me to my point: It's not the happiest day in your life. There are many reasons for this. First, I hope to God, for the sake of each and every one of you, that your wedding does not end up being the happiest day in your life. Children, grandchildren, promotions, hell, even a great vacation - these should be the happiest days in your life. The point - they're well ahead of you, perhaps somewhere around the age of 45 (and if you ARE 45, let's say 75). Most importantly, though, and I know that the industry is myopically unaware of this fact, there is another person there: Your Groom (my apologies to my LGBT friends for this gendered post).
I know, sometimes he doesn't seem to be listening as you tell him about the great dress you just saw online. But let me just remind you that sometimes you do this in the middle of something he's watching on tv. But trust me, he's interested. But here's the sticky part, he's not interested in every detail. Think "He's just not into you", with "you" replaced by fill-in-the-blank (flowers, placecards, centerpieces). Let me repeat this for the back of the room, he's not interested. No, this doesn't mean he secretly-has-an-opinion-but-he-
is-afraid-to-say-it. I have this conversation all the time with Meg - sometimes my mind is a blank slate of opinion.** No amount of sitting down and reflecting on my feelings is going to change that. It's done. There's nothing there. Live with it.
But just because he's not interested in all the details, doesn't mean he doesn't care about the wedding reflecting both of your tastes. For example, I put down my foot: No Pastels! I can't stand the flowery, poofy, pastelly "romantic" look. And you know what? If I really can't stand it, it shouldn't be in the wedding. I want to be able to look back at pictures of my wedding day and think that the lack of pale blue/light pink color combinations was because it was OUR wedding, and not just my partner's.
So just like you need to sit down with your parents and ask them what they feel is important (because it's not just the collective YOUR day, it's partly their day too), ask your partner. If it's only one thing, your job is easy. If it's more, listen to the reasons. If there are no reasons, don't push. Sometimes there are no reasons. The male mind is one big Id sometimes, and that's ok.
**Note from Meg: It's just that I can't imagine not having a opinion about something. Heck, if I don't care, I make up a opinion just so I can have a point of view. One of the many reasons I'm a DELIGHT, I tell you!
Picture: What David secretly dreams our wedding will look like. Or did he say it was his nightmare? Can't remember. From here.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Classic APW: The Wedding Industrial Complex, As It Were
Ahhhh.... well this one can stand alone, don't you think? And, go!
I have started to notice that I use the phrase WIC quite a bit on this blog as a shortcut, and I've never discussed it at length. I think that shortcuts lead to lazy thought, which leads to dangerously sloppy thinking. So. Time to discuss.
What do I mean when I say WIC? In short: I mean the Wedding Industrial Complex. In long form, it's a lot more complicated.
I wish I could tell you the genesis of the term Wedding Industrial Complex, but I can't. I wish I could tell you the first time I heard the term WIC, but I can't, at least not precisely. I do know it was in the 1990's, a time when we spent a whole lot more time talking about the Military Industrial Complex, and I also know that I thought it was hilarious. It was funny in the way a New Yorker cartoon is funny. It was true and ridiculous at the same time. It was layered. It was evocative. The first time I heard the term I imaged factories churning out wedding dresses and massive diamond rings the same way they might churn out missiles or M-16's. I thought that it was correct in that the wedding industry can be destructive and enormous, but it was silly because the Military Industrial Complex was about making war and the Wedding Industrial Complex was (at least overtly) about making love. It was complicated, and I like complicated. It made me snicker, and I like snickering. It made me think, which as you might guess, I like.
All of this is a long way of saying, I use the term WIC because it makes me laugh. I use the term WIC with my tongue rather firmly in cheek, and I think at some point we lost track of the fact that the term is satirical.
So, you're wondering, *who* do I mean when I say WIC? Well, I mean two groups of people. The first thing is the most obvious: The Wedding Industry, all caps. The people that make money when we get married and are employed to figure out ways to maximize that profit: wedding magazines, bridal fashion conglomerates, the diamond industry, etc, etc, etc. To be perfectly clear: I am not anti-consumer, and I am not anti-profit. I don't think that there is an inherent problem with business or making money. That said, I think that the ways in which The Wedding Industry tries to sell us products are manipulative. I dislike the way that the wedding industry has changed our societal perceptions of a ritual that is designed to unite two people in a sacred or secular rite, into something resembling a massive theatrical production.
Which brings me to the second thing that I mean when I use the short-hand of WIC: I'm talking about Societal Expectations Of A Wedding. I'm talking about how when you tell people, "Oh, yeah, I'm just letting my bridesmaids wear what they want," mouths drop open. I'm talking about how when people ask to look at your engagement ring, if it doesn't meet their expectations they will voice their disapproval to your face. I'm talking about how, within a generation, we moved from parents throwing wedding receptions at home to parents throwing receptions in castles.
But finally, finally, I think blaming the wedding industry is way too easy. I use the term WIC because I need to keep posts short, and because I think every couple getting married in any even slightly non-traditional way knows what I mean on a gut level when I say "Wedding Industry." But I think the reason that the Wedding Industry is successful is because it taps in to things that many of us like: expensive shoes, fancy jewelry, pretty dresses, fantastic stationary, feeling like the star of the show for a day, or - say - castles. It's easy to mock, but in the end for many of us, there is a part of us that wants these things (at least a little bit).
If I was totally un-enamored of all things wedding, I'd be a boring wedding writer. If we had just run off to the courthouse when David proposed, I never would have needed to write this blog. But in the minutes after the proposal when I was sitting on a bench in a daze, David asked me, "Are you ready to plan a wedding?" and I whispered, "Yesssssss." I just didn't know how hard it was going to be to plan it on our own terms.
And that, my friends, is why I talk about the WIC. Tongue rather firmly in cheek.
Thoughts on your relationship with the wedding industry are welcomed (even relished) in the comments. But a for-warning: I expect all of us to keep it civil and smart, even when talking about a part of wedding planning that sometimes makes us want to gouge out our own eyes, or the eyes of others.
I have started to notice that I use the phrase WIC quite a bit on this blog as a shortcut, and I've never discussed it at length. I think that shortcuts lead to lazy thought, which leads to dangerously sloppy thinking. So. Time to discuss.
What do I mean when I say WIC? In short: I mean the Wedding Industrial Complex. In long form, it's a lot more complicated.
I wish I could tell you the genesis of the term Wedding Industrial Complex, but I can't. I wish I could tell you the first time I heard the term WIC, but I can't, at least not precisely. I do know it was in the 1990's, a time when we spent a whole lot more time talking about the Military Industrial Complex, and I also know that I thought it was hilarious. It was funny in the way a New Yorker cartoon is funny. It was true and ridiculous at the same time. It was layered. It was evocative. The first time I heard the term I imaged factories churning out wedding dresses and massive diamond rings the same way they might churn out missiles or M-16's. I thought that it was correct in that the wedding industry can be destructive and enormous, but it was silly because the Military Industrial Complex was about making war and the Wedding Industrial Complex was (at least overtly) about making love. It was complicated, and I like complicated. It made me snicker, and I like snickering. It made me think, which as you might guess, I like.
All of this is a long way of saying, I use the term WIC because it makes me laugh. I use the term WIC with my tongue rather firmly in cheek, and I think at some point we lost track of the fact that the term is satirical.
So, you're wondering, *who* do I mean when I say WIC? Well, I mean two groups of people. The first thing is the most obvious: The Wedding Industry, all caps. The people that make money when we get married and are employed to figure out ways to maximize that profit: wedding magazines, bridal fashion conglomerates, the diamond industry, etc, etc, etc. To be perfectly clear: I am not anti-consumer, and I am not anti-profit. I don't think that there is an inherent problem with business or making money. That said, I think that the ways in which The Wedding Industry tries to sell us products are manipulative. I dislike the way that the wedding industry has changed our societal perceptions of a ritual that is designed to unite two people in a sacred or secular rite, into something resembling a massive theatrical production.
Which brings me to the second thing that I mean when I use the short-hand of WIC: I'm talking about Societal Expectations Of A Wedding. I'm talking about how when you tell people, "Oh, yeah, I'm just letting my bridesmaids wear what they want," mouths drop open. I'm talking about how when people ask to look at your engagement ring, if it doesn't meet their expectations they will voice their disapproval to your face. I'm talking about how, within a generation, we moved from parents throwing wedding receptions at home to parents throwing receptions in castles.
But finally, finally, I think blaming the wedding industry is way too easy. I use the term WIC because I need to keep posts short, and because I think every couple getting married in any even slightly non-traditional way knows what I mean on a gut level when I say "Wedding Industry." But I think the reason that the Wedding Industry is successful is because it taps in to things that many of us like: expensive shoes, fancy jewelry, pretty dresses, fantastic stationary, feeling like the star of the show for a day, or - say - castles. It's easy to mock, but in the end for many of us, there is a part of us that wants these things (at least a little bit).
If I was totally un-enamored of all things wedding, I'd be a boring wedding writer. If we had just run off to the courthouse when David proposed, I never would have needed to write this blog. But in the minutes after the proposal when I was sitting on a bench in a daze, David asked me, "Are you ready to plan a wedding?" and I whispered, "Yesssssss." I just didn't know how hard it was going to be to plan it on our own terms.
And that, my friends, is why I talk about the WIC. Tongue rather firmly in cheek.
Thoughts on your relationship with the wedding industry are welcomed (even relished) in the comments. But a for-warning: I expect all of us to keep it civil and smart, even when talking about a part of wedding planning that sometimes makes us want to gouge out our own eyes, or the eyes of others.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Classic APW: Steady Happy Wedding
So. This post only ran a year ago, but since I'm revisiting the very best of APW, this is a MUST. When Christina first sent me her wedding graduate post I remember just sitting in the kitchen and crying and crying. Not like, a few happy tears, but just sobbing. It was just after Prop 8, so we were all a little emotionally raw, but I think the REAL reason I was crying is that Christina gave me full permission to do it our way, in a deep down raw sense, not in a indie-trend way. She showed me that I could throw out the wedding model, and end up with something even more wedding, something that really mattered to us. You'll remember Christina as the inventor of the bridal brigade, and you can see more pictures of their stunning wedding on Snippet and Ink. Since this post first ran, I've had the chance to get to know Christina and Patty a little bit, and hang out in their crazy, now-blessed-by-a-wedding backyard. And yes. They really are as great as they seem... well, better, really.
Oh. And ESB would want me to tell you: you should be listening to Wild Horses and Tangerine while you read this. Really-for-true rockstar weddings require such things.
Our Own. When Patty and I decided to get married, it wasn't legal. But it didn't matter. When I talked to a friend of mine about the whole "wedding thing" she said: "We need ceremonies and displays of strong commitments in our community too. Make it your own and celebrate your love. It doesn't have to be about the whole 'wedding thing!'" Wise words that essentially guided me through the entire process. Since I didn't have many models of weddings {like mine} to draw inspiration from, or to compare to, I really let go of all "wedding expectations." I asked a good friend of mine, Georgia, to be my "wedding planner"--partner in crime, really. She was the only one of my friends who had been married before, so I asked her to help me out. That decision was one of my smartest moves. Georgia was able to handle all the minutia of the day, delegate tasks to the Brigade and really let me enjoy it. More on that later...
Community. Next step: assemble the Bridal Brigade. I only had one week off work to get married, so I knew I needed help! The idea of the Brigade didn't come overnight. Again, I didn't really feel like I had to follow the "traditional wedding model" and I wasn't really comfortable with the idea of "bridesmaids." What I did know: I wanted my friends and family involved, so the Brigade happened organically, really. It all started with the cupcakes: one day I was sitting with my friend Moore & I told her we were getting married. She immediately offered to make our cake. She's an amazing vegan baker {I'm allergic to dairy & eggs}, so it was an amazing offer--I couldn't refuse. We decided cupcakes would be more fun. Patty's favorite baker, Danny, offered to make more cupcakes--her favorite flavor: pecan chocolate! 
The rest just grew, we talked about details that would be fun to diy {the cupcake tiers} and we asked our friends if they would help out. We scheduled "Project Brigade" craft weekends about once a month: we thrifted, crafted, hung out, went to vintage expos to look for wedding attire, laughed...It was loads of fun and really made the wedding a community effort. By the way, even though it was the "Bridal" Brigade, everyone involved were both friends of mine AND Patty's, so it felt like our friends really knew us as a couple.
Simplicity. Since we really wanted to keep the wedding as green as possible, I focused on vintage, reducing, and innovative ways of re-using. That focus for me also eliminated many common "WIC" details: there were simple favors--traditional Italian Jordan almonds wrapped in vintage lace; there were no cut flowers except for my bouquet--which was locally grown; no disposable plates or serveware; no extra decorations except potted plants; no driving {the ceremony & reception were all in our backyard}; and our registry included some household items, but also our favorite charities. That simplicity saved us in the budgeting process and kept me sane. We decided to focus our budget on a few large items. 
First-- a photographer, we thought it was important to document the day. We met with our photographer, Chris, through Georgia. Turns out she used to live down the street from us and we had several friends in common--she just felt right. Second: valet parking. This was really important to us because we got married in our backyard. Our street is pretty busy and parking is sparse. Not only did we not want our guests walking blocks & blocks in the heat {it was August in LA, after all}, but we didn't want to upset our neighbors by snarling up the neighborhood with a bunch of cars. {We also invited our neighbors to come to the reception.} The third big ticket item was food. Initially we decided to do a pot luck, not only to save money, but to continue the community effort of our wedding. However, my dad offered to pay for the catering {upscale Italian picnic}--a really generous and huge step for him. He was always a uncomfortable with the idea of a same sex wedding, so this was a huge show of acceptance for him. So we decided to allocate some money for music. Since Patty is a musician, she was in charge of the music. She hired a string quartet, but made it really reflect us. In addition to playing the classics, they played string versions of some of our favorite rock songs for the ceremony: I walked down the aisle to Rolling Stones "Wild Horses," Patty walked to Led Zeppelin's "Tangerine" and our exit song was AC/DC "Shook Me All Night Long."
Present. The day of the wedding, I really turned it over and let the day unfold as it may. "Steady Happy" was my mantra. Our dear friend, Roz did my hair and make-up and Patty's grooming. In the morning, I took it easy, and let the day unfold. This is where Georgia and the Bridal Brigade became absolute gold...they really handled the nitty gritty of the day and shielded me from any worry. I relaxed and enjoyed my time with Roz doing my hair and make up...I visited with friends and family from out of town... I drank vegan smoothies that friends got me from the restaurant down the street. I really completely let it all go & tried to stay present throughout the day. I just enjoyed my friends and family and focused on what was important: getting married to the love of my life and inviting our friends and family to witness our love.
Loving Support. We decided not to write our vows together, because we wanted them to be a surprise to each other. We both took the same "model" and wrote our own vows. We asked our dear friends, P. David & Todd, to officiate our wedding. They have been thrice married to each other, so they have loads of wedding experience {a commitment ceremony before it was legal in 1999, again in San Francisco in 2004--I was their witness!--and a third time after the June Supreme Court decision in 2008!}. They wrote the most amazing ceremony--it was spiritual, funny, smart, moving and just right for us. I'm so grateful that our dear friends were able to officiate, it made the wedding so much more personal and fun and since they knew us both so well, it really reflected us as a couple. Two Brigade members, Craig & Danny, opened the ceremony with the Serenity Prayer. We also asked two dear friends, who were in the Brigade, to do readings. One friend, Melissa, interviewed both of us and length, then she wrote the "Christina & Patty" answer to Tom Robbin's question "How to Make Love Stay." Another friend, Antnoia, chose a variety of love poems, rock lyrics and some of her own writing that made her think of us. It was just right. 
After the ceremony, more Brigade friends shared their talents in song... Linda sang an Operatic Aria and Romy sang Otis Redding's "That's How Strong My Love Is. The rest of the evening, we ate wonderful food {organic & locally grown}, visited with our friends and family, watched the sunset from our backyard, and danced to a mix of music we made on our ipod. It was the best day ever.
So if I can boil the whole thing down to a few words it would be: Make it Your Own, involve your Community, keep it Simple, be Present and let your friends & family be a Loving Support.Amazing photos by Chris Strother LA ladies, I'm looking at you
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Classic APW: The Dress Horrors
This was my first dress post ever. It was every single thing I was feeling in one tiny paragraph. Little did I know this was step one in what would be an endless dress epic. And epic that would end, as all good epics do, in redemption.
Via Indie Bride thread where did all the sleeves go?:
My grandmother and mother sat down together shortly after we announced our engagement and flipped through a bridal magazine to look at dresses. Grandma apparently spent the entire time talking about all the "nakedness" of the models in their strapless dresses. She kept asking my Mom where their jackets were. She even flipped to one designer's page and commented to Mom that "those are lovely nightgowns."
Indeed, Indie Bride. Indeed. And bedazzled, at that.
(First published here)
Via Indie Bride thread where did all the sleeves go?:
My grandmother and mother sat down together shortly after we announced our engagement and flipped through a bridal magazine to look at dresses. Grandma apparently spent the entire time talking about all the "nakedness" of the models in their strapless dresses. She kept asking my Mom where their jackets were. She even flipped to one designer's page and commented to Mom that "those are lovely nightgowns."
Indeed, Indie Bride. Indeed. And bedazzled, at that.
(First published here)
Monday, March 22, 2010
On Not Taking Wedding Trends Too Seriously (Even Indie Ones)
... Or why you should ask your fiance's opinion on wedding decisions.
I just remembered a slightly intoxicated conversation I had with David and our friend Rachel about indie wedding trends. I feel like I should say up front... I was tipsy, David was not. David said this is the most exact transcription of a conversation I've ever posted. It really was this ridiculous.
Me: You know... indie wedding trends. They get as trendy as regular wedding trends.
Rachel: Indie wedding trends?
Me: Yeah. Like Mason Jars and Bunting.
David: Bunting?
Me: Ok. Um. How do I describe this? You know those little plastic triangle flags on a string they hang at used car lots?
Rachel: That's bunting?
Me: Um. I don't think the used car dealer would call it bunting, but...
David: I thought bunting was the fabric swags that you hung at the fourth of July?
Me: It is, but, no that's not this. Um, ok so the plastic triangle flags. So if you take those flags, but you make them out of gingham...
David: Gingham?
Me: Yeah, you know, like calico.
David: What?
Me: Like what you make prairie dresses from.
David: What are you even talking about?
Me: Like cotton with lots of tiny flowers and stuff.
David: Ew.
Me: Whatever. Anyway, so if you take those plastic flags and you make them out of gingham, that's bunting. For, like, hanging from the trees at your wedding.
David: Really???
Me: Yeah, it's like, rustic festive?
I just remembered a slightly intoxicated conversation I had with David and our friend Rachel about indie wedding trends. I feel like I should say up front... I was tipsy, David was not. David said this is the most exact transcription of a conversation I've ever posted. It really was this ridiculous.
Me: You know... indie wedding trends. They get as trendy as regular wedding trends.
Rachel: Indie wedding trends?
Me: Yeah. Like Mason Jars and Bunting.
David: Bunting?
Me: Ok. Um. How do I describe this? You know those little plastic triangle flags on a string they hang at used car lots?
Rachel: That's bunting?
Me: Um. I don't think the used car dealer would call it bunting, but...
David: I thought bunting was the fabric swags that you hung at the fourth of July?
Me: It is, but, no that's not this. Um, ok so the plastic triangle flags. So if you take those flags, but you make them out of gingham...
David: Gingham?
Me: Yeah, you know, like calico.
David: What?
Me: Like what you make prairie dresses from.
David: What are you even talking about?
Me: Like cotton with lots of tiny flowers and stuff.
David: Ew.
Me: Whatever. Anyway, so if you take those plastic flags and you make them out of gingham, that's bunting. For, like, hanging from the trees at your wedding.
David: Really???
Me: Yeah, it's like, rustic festive?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Working Out How To Be A Family
The always cuttingly sharp Cate left this comment, and I thought it deserved to be shared. This is absolutely how I think about the process of getting married looking back. I feel, for example, a million times more prepared for the emotional process of becoming a parent after the process of becoming a wife:
The process of getting wed is a microcosm of your life together, with concentrated patches of stress and joy as you work out how to become a family. That's why it's a rite of passage. We do ourselves a disservice by keeping quiet about the stress, because the stress is all part of the process that makes us come out stronger and better-prepared to share a life together. Those shouting matches (or however you handle it) are important - it's a time to work so much out. That's my take on it, anyway. Not just "it's ok" but "it happens that way for a reason."
The process of getting wed is a microcosm of your life together, with concentrated patches of stress and joy as you work out how to become a family. That's why it's a rite of passage. We do ourselves a disservice by keeping quiet about the stress, because the stress is all part of the process that makes us come out stronger and better-prepared to share a life together. Those shouting matches (or however you handle it) are important - it's a time to work so much out. That's my take on it, anyway. Not just "it's ok" but "it happens that way for a reason."
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sponsored Post: Jenn Link Photography - The Amazing DEAL edition
Um. You guys. I'm, what's the word? A moron. Or maybe we can just chalk it up to the horrible side effects of re-tagging all my posts? Anyway, Jenn Link wants to offer you all an amazing deal... and amazing deal I forgot to mention:I also would like to offer something special just for team practical for my remaining 2010 dates! Six hours of coverage and a disc of all edited images for $2,000.00 with all additional items at 15% off. I am based in the DC area but will travel anywhere for a modest travel fee. I also offer discounted travel to many area of the country such as Los Angeles, Chicago, NYC, Philadelphia, Atlanta most of Florida, Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky & North Carolina.
So, because it's a rad deal, can we collectively forgive my mushy brain? Thank you. And email her now, helllloooo!
Sponsor Introduction: Jenn Link Photography
I'm thrilled to get to write a post about Jenn Link Photography in Washington DC today, 1) Because this means I am *writing* for APW, writing about something I believe in (wedding elves) instead of just tagging posts, and 2) Because Jenn Link has been reading this blog for a long-*ss time (since close to the beginning), back when she was planning her wedding. And one of the happiest things for me is pairing up team-practical-business-women-and-art-makers with team-practical-getting-marrieds.... because such visible *joy* always results.
Oh, and as an aside, most of the pictures from this post are from a truly killer wedding she shot for one of her best friends, in an old movie theatre, where they spent around $6,000 (ok, big city ladies, b-r-e-a-t-h-e... I know.) The picture Jenn loves the most from this wedding and I love the most from this wedding is this one:
The bride taking a deep breath to brace herself, before going upstairs to get married. Because ladies who haven't done it yet - that is TOTALLY what it feels like, and I love that Jenn captured that emotion in a way that gives me goosebumps.
So! More about Jenn! She describes herself as a little bit rock and roll and a whole lot of geek (she's our people), so she wants to shoot your weddings, duh. She only take 15 weddings a year, and when I told her that was nuts, she explained that she wanted to wake up and say, "Oh my god I have a wedding to shoot I'm so excited," every single time. She says she doesn't ever want her clients to be just a paycheck (and to me that's the magic 'ohhhh, ok then, sigh of relief' line).
She got married last year, and she says that changed everything, and while she loved her job before, now she cries at every wedding. She's the lady that gets great shots even if everything falls apart and it pours rain or your caterer doesn't show up or there is snow in August, because she says, 'Who cares about the details? A new marriage is being born!'
And. I cannot lie. I opened several of these images and audibly gasped. So go already. She's serves Washington DC and the surrounding area (the woman has a car for gods sakes, stop whining that you're a state over, and call her already). I'm really excited to see the magic y'all make together. Because you will send pictures, right?
Wedding Undergraduate: Me
Whoa. In going through archived posts last night, I found this one, unpublished. I wrote this two months before our wedding, and I never published it, because it just made me feel to vulnerable. I can tell you now, that during this week, REALLY hard stuff happened. I cried, very hard, a lot. And looking back, yes, it was rock bottom, and yes, it was worth crying about. And yes it got better. But when all this hard stuff was happening, when I told people (or hinted to it on the blog) people would tell me, "Don't worry, you'll be married in the end!" And I'd want to scream, "I f*cking know that, but that does not make this moment any less painful." But I shut up and hunkered down and plowed through. So now that it's over, now that you know how wonderful it was in the end, I'm going to finally hit publish on this. This is for you, whoever you are, crying yourself to sleep over some part of the wedding. This is my hug, lady, because I needed one then:
I hit what I sincerely hope will be rock bottom of wedding planning last week. I cried myself to sleep at least once, and David and I had a few bouts of yelling at each other. Why am I admitting to this? Well, first of all, I'm feeling much better now so it feels safe to talk about it. But mostly I'm talking about it because I think that wedding planning often isn't easy, and our desire to speak only about the good parts of it can make you feel isolated and crazy when things get hard.
There are infinite stressors in planning weddings, but as a somewhat-indie-bride, I find that one of the pressures is to act like you've got it under control, and like your wedding isn't really a big deal anyway, so who cares? Well. If only, right? Here is the real truth: weddings involve a lot of really big important things, they involve family, grappling with tradition, relationships with friends, and with an externalization of your values, just to name a few. Weddings have a way of bringing long-standing issues to the surface, of forcing you to deal with things you would rather ignore. So when I say I cried myself to sleep over the wedding, I don't mean that I cried myself to sleep because I couldn't find stamps that matched my envelopes precisely. Please. I cried myself to sleep over good friends who were not there when we needed them, over how much work I had to do and how overwhelmed I felt by it, over caring about my wedding when the world was telling me that I shouldn't care. In short, I cried over big stuff. And when two people are sad about big stuff, sometimes they yell at each other. That's how it rolls.
Part of what happened this week is that at two months out, the wedding transitioned hard and fast from fantasy to reality. In fantasy wedding-land your wedding is still about your inspiration board, your invitation designs, and what style dress you want (Not like these things can't be stressful too. Lordy.) In reality wedding-land, your wedding is about scheduling, about hauling, about set-up, about manual labor. In fantasy wedding-land, your wedding is about the ambient joy you will share with your guests on the day that you join your life in partnership with your beloved.* In reality, your wedding is about the fact that some people you care about will not end up coming to your wedding, and that your planned guest count might not match your real guest count. Of course, there will also be people that step up and help in ways you never dreamed of, and people that fly all the way across the country and the world to be with you on your wedding day. While these things are infinitely more important than the disappointments you will face, I've found that the fantasy prepares you for the wonderful parts, but never mentions the harder parts.
I've planned events for a living, so I'm lucky to not have the stress of having to plan a party for 125 and not having the first clue where to start. However, I had the shocking realization this week that I was planning a party for 125 with a very full time job, and no staff to help out. On Monday, I spent the day off slaving over my spreadsheets scheduling hauling and timing. At one point I looked up at David and said, "Oh God, why is this so much work?" and David reminded me, "Well, we're trying not spend a lot. That means a lot of work for us." I think, at least for us, we've been caught betwixt and between, again. We can't afford (and don't want) a wedding planner, but we no longer live in an age where we have tons of family and friends who live close by and view a wedding as a community event that they throw for the bride and groom. We are lucky to have family and friends who will help us during the week of the wedding, and who are taking on small bits of planning for us now, but the bulk of the responsibility is ours. And that leaves us with spreadsheets, and time tables, and lists.
Being a modern bride or groom often means feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. Weddings are events. Events are hard work. Weddings are emotional, and not always in a good way. Yet through it all, we are supposed to keep our game face on. Never yelling, never crying, never complaining, always emphasizing how lovely our marriage will be and how in love we are with our colors/details/style. Well, I'm not playing that game. We can be practical sane grounded brides, and still get stressed out by the hard work of planning and by the difficult emotional stuff. That says nothing about our marriages, nothing about our enjoyment of the wedding day, and nothing about our priorities. It just says we're here, we're human, we're paying attention, and sometimes this is hard.
*Having been through it now, I can say there really is so much joy. But there is pain too. It's a little like being born. Hard in the middle, new, in the end, and wonderful. And worth it.
I hit what I sincerely hope will be rock bottom of wedding planning last week. I cried myself to sleep at least once, and David and I had a few bouts of yelling at each other. Why am I admitting to this? Well, first of all, I'm feeling much better now so it feels safe to talk about it. But mostly I'm talking about it because I think that wedding planning often isn't easy, and our desire to speak only about the good parts of it can make you feel isolated and crazy when things get hard.
There are infinite stressors in planning weddings, but as a somewhat-indie-bride, I find that one of the pressures is to act like you've got it under control, and like your wedding isn't really a big deal anyway, so who cares? Well. If only, right? Here is the real truth: weddings involve a lot of really big important things, they involve family, grappling with tradition, relationships with friends, and with an externalization of your values, just to name a few. Weddings have a way of bringing long-standing issues to the surface, of forcing you to deal with things you would rather ignore. So when I say I cried myself to sleep over the wedding, I don't mean that I cried myself to sleep because I couldn't find stamps that matched my envelopes precisely. Please. I cried myself to sleep over good friends who were not there when we needed them, over how much work I had to do and how overwhelmed I felt by it, over caring about my wedding when the world was telling me that I shouldn't care. In short, I cried over big stuff. And when two people are sad about big stuff, sometimes they yell at each other. That's how it rolls.
Part of what happened this week is that at two months out, the wedding transitioned hard and fast from fantasy to reality. In fantasy wedding-land your wedding is still about your inspiration board, your invitation designs, and what style dress you want (Not like these things can't be stressful too. Lordy.) In reality wedding-land, your wedding is about scheduling, about hauling, about set-up, about manual labor. In fantasy wedding-land, your wedding is about the ambient joy you will share with your guests on the day that you join your life in partnership with your beloved.* In reality, your wedding is about the fact that some people you care about will not end up coming to your wedding, and that your planned guest count might not match your real guest count. Of course, there will also be people that step up and help in ways you never dreamed of, and people that fly all the way across the country and the world to be with you on your wedding day. While these things are infinitely more important than the disappointments you will face, I've found that the fantasy prepares you for the wonderful parts, but never mentions the harder parts.
I've planned events for a living, so I'm lucky to not have the stress of having to plan a party for 125 and not having the first clue where to start. However, I had the shocking realization this week that I was planning a party for 125 with a very full time job, and no staff to help out. On Monday, I spent the day off slaving over my spreadsheets scheduling hauling and timing. At one point I looked up at David and said, "Oh God, why is this so much work?" and David reminded me, "Well, we're trying not spend a lot. That means a lot of work for us." I think, at least for us, we've been caught betwixt and between, again. We can't afford (and don't want) a wedding planner, but we no longer live in an age where we have tons of family and friends who live close by and view a wedding as a community event that they throw for the bride and groom. We are lucky to have family and friends who will help us during the week of the wedding, and who are taking on small bits of planning for us now, but the bulk of the responsibility is ours. And that leaves us with spreadsheets, and time tables, and lists.
Being a modern bride or groom often means feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. Weddings are events. Events are hard work. Weddings are emotional, and not always in a good way. Yet through it all, we are supposed to keep our game face on. Never yelling, never crying, never complaining, always emphasizing how lovely our marriage will be and how in love we are with our colors/details/style. Well, I'm not playing that game. We can be practical sane grounded brides, and still get stressed out by the hard work of planning and by the difficult emotional stuff. That says nothing about our marriages, nothing about our enjoyment of the wedding day, and nothing about our priorities. It just says we're here, we're human, we're paying attention, and sometimes this is hard.
*Having been through it now, I can say there really is so much joy. But there is pain too. It's a little like being born. Hard in the middle, new, in the end, and wonderful. And worth it.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Coming Soon... hopefully?
Hello All,I miss writing for you guys. I literally just took a break from tagging posts (it's open in the other window) to send this small missive. Remember when I told you we were going to have a How-To section on the new site? And about how How-To would be The Big Stuff (DJing your wedding with and ipod, writing a ceremony), as my answer to the endless mind numbing, soul crushing DIY must-do bridal projects, and billion dollar "DIY-style" weddings (or is that only my soul being crushed?)
ANYWAY! I would really really really love if we had an article on self-catering your wedding when we go live. And since I didn't self cater my wedding, I can't write it. So, if one of you is interested in writing about your experiences, it would involve:
- What you did (feel free to generalize, we don't need to know how you chopped the carrots)
- How it worked out
- What you learned, and what you would change if you did it again
- How much it cost (in the $700 buys you... too many flowers vein)
- Pretty pictures
Email me, whoever you are (fingers crossed).
Now back to tagging. Sigh.
Meg
Picture: Our totally not DIY, but totally delicious food, by One Love Photo of course
Classic APW: Home
I found this in the archives and my eyes started to well up. The ring pillow that was really a brick from their house. This isn't particularly feasible inspiration, but it's so exactly right. It's everything that a wedding (and a marriage) should be, all in one picture. And the funny thing is, it was basically a throw away post the first time around: hardly any thought, hardly any comments. Well, except Cate, who quoted coming home by The 88:Won’t you bring light to my day
Won’t you be somebody new
It’ll be good
It’ll be like coming home...
The original details and source: Devon has been posting about her vibrant wedding over at In This Instance, and this detail made my heart sing. They tied their rings to a brick that was originally part of their house. Solid, practical, home.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Classic APW: Mike & Tammar's Magical Forest Lovefest
You guys. So. I think about this wedding all the time, and I realize that most of you have never seen it. This is the very first wedding I was ever sent by a reader. A reader, that is, who read APW while they planned their wedding. And it was like.... the sky opened up and magic poured forth. This wedding, was a taste of what was to come from all of you. Also. Why didn't I include more effing PICTURES? Clearly I had no idea what I was doing. So I just added a million more.
We were married June 15th, 2008 at Camp Angelos in Corbett, Oregon.
After briefly flirting with an elopement we discussed why we'd want to host a wedding. For us a wedding was not our special day or the beginning of our life together, a wedding was the chance to make a public declaration of our love in front of our closest friends and family. We wanted to honor our heritage and ask for the love and support of our community throughout our relationship and lives together.
I wasn't interested in the traditional "unveiling of the bride" so we got ready together in a tiny poorly lit room together giggling like school children. We then trotted outside hand-in-hand to greet guests as they arrived with lemonade and ice tea.
Once everyone was assembled we, all 98 of us, paraded into a clearing in the woods for an intimate mostly standing ceremony under an antique lace chuppa Mike's dad hung from the cedars. 
The ceremony was my favorite part of the wedding- being in the woods created an ethereal feeling, everything happened in slow motion, I felt like I was in an all encompassing bubble of love.
Because Mike works in events we were able to DIY most of the reception for free or at cost: the food- cooked and served by friend, 
Our beautiful invitations were designed and silkscreened by our good friends Lloyd and Cassie Winters, hand made organic chocolate favors (in the shape of woodland friends eeee!) were made by my pal Sarah.
I designed the decor, bouts and foliage- we skipped flowers and opted for maiden hair ferns, moss, wood cookies, terrariums, craft paper and little woodland animal toys.
Looking back on our wedding I'm so glad we had a celebration that included everyone we loved that could make it, babies, old folks, new friend, weird family, it was a total lovefest. 
It was also important to us to be honest about are abilities and stay within our means-we spent 8,600ish and not a dime on credit cards. We skipped all the traditional forced merriment of toasts, dances, cake cutting, bouquet toss, cheesy dj's, etc and instead let folks eat, visit and and make merry as they saw fit.
I love hearing peoples stories of the wedding, in addition to seeing us get married everyone has their own special memories. One friend went on hike and her baby saw his first deer.
Another group of friends sneaked onto a boat in the lake to cause mischief. Children and grandparents played on the swing sets together... It was a very great day...
Photos by His and Her Photography out of Portland
Also? I'm going to tell you something I didn't have the balls to say the first time around: The bride wore Vera. They spent just $8,000 on their wedding, but she fell in love with a dress from Vera's less expensive line. So you know what? She saved up her bartending tips and bought it for herself. When I first posted this I was like, "Oh gosh, I can't tell people. They'll be mad at me for not being a good budget indie wedding blogger." But you know what? F* that. I have nothing but respect for a woman who saves up her bartending tips to get something she loves for her wedding day. So ladies - if you have one glorious splurge that you're paying for - hold your head up. And now, one of the most magical APW weddings ever, enjoy!
We were married June 15th, 2008 at Camp Angelos in Corbett, Oregon.
After briefly flirting with an elopement we discussed why we'd want to host a wedding. For us a wedding was not our special day or the beginning of our life together, a wedding was the chance to make a public declaration of our love in front of our closest friends and family. We wanted to honor our heritage and ask for the love and support of our community throughout our relationship and lives together.
I wasn't interested in the traditional "unveiling of the bride" so we got ready together in a tiny poorly lit room together giggling like school children. We then trotted outside hand-in-hand to greet guests as they arrived with lemonade and ice tea.
Once everyone was assembled we, all 98 of us, paraded into a clearing in the woods for an intimate mostly standing ceremony under an antique lace chuppa Mike's dad hung from the cedars. 
The ceremony was my favorite part of the wedding- being in the woods created an ethereal feeling, everything happened in slow motion, I felt like I was in an all encompassing bubble of love.
Because Mike works in events we were able to DIY most of the reception for free or at cost: the food- cooked and served by friend, 
Our beautiful invitations were designed and silkscreened by our good friends Lloyd and Cassie Winters, hand made organic chocolate favors (in the shape of woodland friends eeee!) were made by my pal Sarah. 
I designed the decor, bouts and foliage- we skipped flowers and opted for maiden hair ferns, moss, wood cookies, terrariums, craft paper and little woodland animal toys.
Looking back on our wedding I'm so glad we had a celebration that included everyone we loved that could make it, babies, old folks, new friend, weird family, it was a total lovefest. 
It was also important to us to be honest about are abilities and stay within our means-we spent 8,600ish and not a dime on credit cards. We skipped all the traditional forced merriment of toasts, dances, cake cutting, bouquet toss, cheesy dj's, etc and instead let folks eat, visit and and make merry as they saw fit.
I love hearing peoples stories of the wedding, in addition to seeing us get married everyone has their own special memories. One friend went on hike and her baby saw his first deer.
Another group of friends sneaked onto a boat in the lake to cause mischief. Children and grandparents played on the swing sets together... It was a very great day...
Photos by His and Her Photography out of PortlandTuesday, March 16, 2010
Classic APW: Wedding Industry Rage. Rage, I Tell You.
Ah. Here we go. Meg, the Wedding Undergraduate... and a young wedding undergraduate at that. We'd been engaged for two and a half months when I wrote this. What can I say to give you perspective? We were engaged for 18 months, and at the very beginning I was enamored with all the pretty things, and after a short flirtation with the pretty, I got really angry (at that point there were about two sane wedding resources on the web). I think this was about when I read about the "budget bride" who only had a "gospel choir and a string quartet" to stay thrifty (sadly, a true story) and totally snapped. Then, things were calm, until the economy totally fell apart, which was hugely stressful on it's own, but didn't help the strain of paying for a wedding. And then in the months before the wedding things got hard again. There was alcohol to buy and friends to organize and RSVP's to deal with. And then, then there was wedding zen and it was bliss, and the wedding, which was better than bliss. But before all that there was rage. Vintage Meg:
I've been feeling some rage recently with the Wedding Industry. Actual rage. Like, step away from the computer, step away from the wedding magazines, this isn't healthy, rage. You know why? I think we are all being set up. I think the whole game is rigged. If you play by the wedding industry rules, it is a no win situation.
Here is the thing. How many times do you see pictures or read a article about a really beautiful wedding, and get sucked in? "Gosh," you say to yourself, "This really is a beautiful wedding. I want a wedding like this! How did they do it?" And then you start breaking down the details: The venue $20K, food $50K, bar tab $20K, dress $10K, second dress $8K, photographer $12K, invites $3K, flowers $6K, cake $3K, event planner - best in the business. And then you say to yourself. "Well, cr*p, no wonder they had a nice effing wedding." And you slam the wedding magazine or your computer shut.
Now, none of this is totally fair. Everyone deserves to have a nice wedding, and people that have more money to spend on their event deserve a nice wedding as much as anyone. Plus, money doesn't mean taste. You can spend half a million on a wedding and have it be a tasteless train wreck. So, we should totally applaud the tasteful high end wedding, and draw inspiration from it. Right?
Right. To a extent. The problem comes in the fact that no one ever tells brides what these weddings they are admiring cost. You look at the beautiful dress a bride is wearing, and you think to yourself, "Oh goodness, why isn't my dress that nice? Maybe I should get a nicer dress." And in that way, we are all set up for failure, or mountains of debt. And either way, we lose.
You know who we should be admiring? Classy budget brides. Couples who eloped, had a lovely and meaningful wedding, and didn't spend a penny. We can all keep admiring those high end weddings, but every time we should mentally put a price tag on it. Nice wedding. $150K. Is one day worth that to me?
What do you think? Ever have days like this? GARRRR!
Photo by Kamp Photography, via Trash The Dress (Thanks Peonies!)
I've been feeling some rage recently with the Wedding Industry. Actual rage. Like, step away from the computer, step away from the wedding magazines, this isn't healthy, rage. You know why? I think we are all being set up. I think the whole game is rigged. If you play by the wedding industry rules, it is a no win situation.Here is the thing. How many times do you see pictures or read a article about a really beautiful wedding, and get sucked in? "Gosh," you say to yourself, "This really is a beautiful wedding. I want a wedding like this! How did they do it?" And then you start breaking down the details: The venue $20K, food $50K, bar tab $20K, dress $10K, second dress $8K, photographer $12K, invites $3K, flowers $6K, cake $3K, event planner - best in the business. And then you say to yourself. "Well, cr*p, no wonder they had a nice effing wedding." And you slam the wedding magazine or your computer shut.
Now, none of this is totally fair. Everyone deserves to have a nice wedding, and people that have more money to spend on their event deserve a nice wedding as much as anyone. Plus, money doesn't mean taste. You can spend half a million on a wedding and have it be a tasteless train wreck. So, we should totally applaud the tasteful high end wedding, and draw inspiration from it. Right?
Right. To a extent. The problem comes in the fact that no one ever tells brides what these weddings they are admiring cost. You look at the beautiful dress a bride is wearing, and you think to yourself, "Oh goodness, why isn't my dress that nice? Maybe I should get a nicer dress." And in that way, we are all set up for failure, or mountains of debt. And either way, we lose.
You know who we should be admiring? Classy budget brides. Couples who eloped, had a lovely and meaningful wedding, and didn't spend a penny. We can all keep admiring those high end weddings, but every time we should mentally put a price tag on it. Nice wedding. $150K. Is one day worth that to me?
What do you think? Ever have days like this? GARRRR!
Photo by Kamp Photography, via Trash The Dress (Thanks Peonies!)
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