Crafty Pint Sized Goodness

You know how some people have "Adults Only Affairs" for their weddings? Well, were more in the "Kid Friendly Affair" camp. What's a wedding unless you have some little girls spinning until they fall over on the lawn, and some little boys on a sugar high from the six slices of cake they managed to eat when no one was looking? The sad thing for us is, there just are not many little kids in our families a the moment. We're both from a bit of a in between generation, so that's just how it worked out. We won't even have a super tiny flower girl, more like a medium sized junior bridesmaid.

But, I'm not quite sure I'm willing to give up my dream of a craft table for the, um "kids." Because I'd like to play with some glitter on my wedding day (and you bet it will get in my hair). And who doesn't get a little tipsy and then think to themselves, "you know what I'd really like to do? Build a Lego car."

Have a happy weekend, all!

Picture via Perez Photography.

What Is A Practical Wedding?

Someone asked me recently "What defines a budget wedding? What's the price range?" And I thought that was a question worth answering. In my mind, a couple on a budget is a couple who's working to get the most from their money. If you have a $50K wedding for 800 people, thats a budget! A $10K wedding for 3 people? Personally, that wouldn't pass my budget test, but to each their own.

That said, I could not agree with Ariel of Offbeat Bride more. The last thing brides and grooms need is more pressure. No one is 'in' or 'out' of the budget club. We're all doing our best to have the wedding that is the right cost for us and our partner. That's it, and that's enough. If you are spending no more then the cost of your marriage license on your wedding, you deserve to feel supported. And if you are spending quite a bit more then that, that's fine too. (we are!) I talk about making savvy spending decisions a lot here, but the site isn't "A Budget Wedding" it's "A Practical Wedding," and it's about supporting practical and sane wedding choices in a world that's pushing you towards doing some nutty things. I want to help couples (and us) feel good about their weddings, and their choices. The WIC spends a fortune making you feel like you are not doing enough, and you are. If your wedding is right for the two of you: That. Is. Enough.

DIY Guilt

When Aimee sent me the Save The Date cards that she and her fiance had come up with, she sent them with a little apology, a apology I think all DIY couples are way too familiar with. She said "We went the uber-casual/simple/inexpensive route with a postcard we made from a photo, here are our silly Save The Dates." And then I opened this awesomeness:Not only do they look cool, but they took the picture at the cafe table where they met, and they photoshopped their kitty into the card, and it fits their personalities since they love both books and coffee shops (us too!). These are some of the coolest and most personal Save The Dates I've seen.

I think couples going the DIY route tend to have some guilt going on. We're under so much pressure to spend SO much money on so many different things, that when we do things on our own, we are afraid they are not going to be good enough. I hear a lot of people saying "We hope it's not tacky" and "We hope it doesn't look homemade." So I just want to say this. You can spend a small fortune to pay someone to hand design save the dates and invitations for you that reflect who you are as a couple, but they may never be as cool or as personal as a Save The Date like this one, made by the couple.

So lets reclaim our own weddings! Forget saying we are having a DIY wedding. When people ask, you can just say that you are not having a professional wedding. Because really, when you think about it, there is nothing more old fashioned and traditional then doing your wedding yourself.

Moroccan Wedding Inspiration

So I know I haven't mentioned it here, but we are serving Middle Eastern food at our reception. It's the first wedding decision that we made, in that we made it about two years before we got engaged. It's our favoriet kind of food, its great for vegetarians (David is one, I am not), it's not super expensive to make, and its great to serve en mass. Add to that the fact that we are having a Jewish wedding (already influenced by the Middle East), I worked at a Turkish Coffee house for years, and I used to bellydance... and well, this is a perfect food choice for us.
It only recently occurred to me that since I have a love of jewel tones and Middle Eastern decor, we could use that as a jumping off point for our color palette. These Images from My Marrakesh are inspiring me so much my toes are tickling. This is what I want! Not some paint by numbers wedding...
I saved the best for last... this bowl of flowers is fantastic DIY centerpeice inspiration. Bowls of low of roses like this would be beautiful interspersed between taller simple floral arrangements on a long table.
All images via My Marrakesh.

Things The WIC Doesn't Want You To Know

So, the WIC complex emailed me this morning, and said I absolutely positively, under no circumstances was allowed to share this article with you. And they must have been stressed out, because right after I got the email they called me and told me that they TOTALLY were not kidding, and they were going to ban me from the marriage club if I so much as whispered about it on this blog. But, knowing what being in the marriage club means to those people, I thought I'd pay my money and take my chances. Ehhh.
Key things the WIC doesn't want you to know:

• Apparently the economy isn't doing so well. When I heard the news, I did a quick google search, and apparently we're having some problems because people were living beyond their means on credit? Hum. Anyway, apparently, YOU the engaged are not supposed to know about this.
• Some brides are starting to feel ripped off by the price of all things wedding related. They know it's THEIR BIG DAY and also THE BEST DAY OF THEIR LIFE but somehow they still don't want to spend 2K on flowers. Why? No one is sure. It's apparently some glitch in the marketing system, and everyone is sure it will work itself out.
• Apparently DIY centerpieces and brunch weddings are in! (Note: we are focused on bringing you the up to the minute trends here at A Practical Wedding)
• The average wedding is going to cost a whole $28 less this year. This is not a joke. The new average cost of a wedding is going to be just $28,704, down from $28,732. The wedding industrial complex is a little distracted right now, since they are crouched under their desk whispering "Failure! You're a failure!" to themselves over and over. So while they are otherwise occupied, run out to your nearest bridal salon. Maybe without proper over site they put something on sale!

Just remember, if anyone asked you where you found out about all this, you didn't hear it from me.

Kick *ass picture via the excellent Indexed.
(Thanks to Jacob for the article, and Kathryn for the heads up on the picture.)

Funny Bride Faces

If I had to sum up how I'd like (well, some) of my bridal portraits to look, I think I'd sum it up with these awesome pictures from One Love Photo. David would say this is because when you scratch the surface, I'm really four. I'd say it's just because I want to be my silly self on my wedding day, not some bridal dress up doll self.

Ok, to be totally honest, I'm going to be making these faces no matter what. It's a question of whether I have a photographer who's snapping 'em.
In general, I love me some photos of brides making faces. And there are not enough of them!
Photos via: Academy Bedlam's Knottie page, Style Me Pretty, and Offbeatbride.

The Original Independent Bride

I can hear your thinking now. What a cool 1930's bride, you are thinking to yourself. Tell me more about her wedding. Where was it held, and what are those funny shoes they are all wearing?

Well, I will tell you, because it is Friday, and you deserve something nice. This wedding is at a ROLLER RINK. And those funny shoes? Roller skates. That's right. You're Welcome.

Make your wedding what you want it to be, not just what it's supposed to be. And have some fun. It's not like a roller rink is the worlds most expensive place to rent. And I betcha people STILL tell stories about that wedding.

All Star Budget Brides!

Building on my last post, I decided it was time to start 'The Practical All Star List of Classy Budget Brides.' Lets get inspired by people who wanted a wedding and a down payment! Get jazzed by brides that knew the value of a dollar! If you learn anything from these weddings, its that you can have a budget wedding in a million different ways. Based on this list, I'd argue you can have a budget wedding in more ways then you can have a extravagant event of a wedding. Lets give ourselves weddings that are worthy of looking (and living) up to. Feel free to nominate more weddings in the comments.

Merry & Mark's at home wedding
Avalon's Tilden Park Wedding
Jesse & Jamez New Orleans style wedding
Ashley & Dusty's modern ice cream wedding
Kallie & Mike's mid-century modern at-home wedding
Amaleah's floral Irish pub wedding
Amanda & Matt's vintage wedding

I can't thank the wedding bloggers who wrote these weddings up and the couples who shared these weddings with the world enough. From me to you: MWAH! And dear readers, if you had a classy budget wedding and want to share it, email me!

Wedding Industry Rage. Rage, I Tell You.

I've been feeling some rage recently with the Wedding Industry. Actual rage. Like, step away from the computer, step away from the wedding magazines, this isn't healthy, rage. You know why? I think we are all being set up. I think the whole game is rigged. If you play by the wedding industry rules, it is a no win situation.

Here is the thing. How many times do you see pictures or read a article about a really beautiful wedding, and get sucked in? "Gosh," you say to yourself, "This really is a beautiful wedding. I want a wedding like this! How did they do it?" And then you start breaking down the details: The venue $20K, food $50K, bar tab $20K, dress $10K, second dress $8K, photographer $12K, invites $3K, flowers $6K, cake $3K, event planner - best in the business. And then you say to yourself. "Well, cr*p, no wonder they had a nice effing wedding." And you slam the wedding magazine or your computer shut.

Now, none of this is totally fair. Everyone deserves to have a nice wedding, and people that have more money to spend on their event deserve a nice wedding as much as anyone. Plus, money doesn't mean taste. You can spend half a million on a wedding and have it be a tasteless train wreck. So, we should totally applaud the tasteful high end wedding, and draw inspiration from it. Right?

Right. To a extent. The problem comes in the fact that no one ever tells brides what these weddings they are admiring cost. You look at the beautiful dress a bride is wearing, and you think to yourself, "Oh goodness, why isn't my dress that nice? Maybe I should get a nicer dress." And in that way, we are all set up for failure, or mountains of debt. And either way, we lose.

You know who we should be admiring? Classy budget brides. Couples who eloped, had a lovely and meaningful wedding, and didn't spend a penny. We can all keep admiring those high end weddings, but every time we should mentally put a price tag on it. Nice wedding. $150K. Is one day worth that to me?

What do you think? Ever have days like this? GARRRR!

Photo by Kamp Photography, via Trash The Dress (Thanks Peonies!)

Short & Lace

I always say I want a long lace dress or a short 50's style dress, and David always asks me "Why not short and lace?" I thought it would look weird. I was wrong. It looks awesome.
Pictures and dress via Stephanie James Couture.

Wedding Budget Wendsday: Use What You Love

This blackberry gin fizz recipe from Martha Stewart Weddings was what first gave me the idea to incorporate blackberries into our wedding. Basically my thinking went like this. "Blackberries... yummmmm. Mint... yummmm. You know where you can get the best blackberries and mint? August in the Bay Area. Hey! That's handy!" Now we are probably not going to serve this drink, because no one needs gin in the morning (not for any good reason). But we will incorporate blackberries and mint in other ways.

I've been thinking lately that the best way to make a wedding budget friendly, and ecologically friendly to boot, is to have your wedding in a place that you love. Whether your venue is a park, a cathedral, or someones home, you shouldn't have to do a ton of decorating, since you don't want to cover up why you like it in the first place. (Much like your partner, right? But that's another post.) We really love the Bay Area, so we are working to incorporate in-season fruits, vegetables, and flowers into the wedding. There is no real point in having lilies shipped across the world, when we can use pink jasmine, and then every summer, when the jasmine blooms, it will remind us of our wedding day.

I know this is a bit easier for us, since we are having our wedding in California in the summer. What isn't in season? But I think you can apply this rule in very different situations. My parents got married in a Cathedral in San Francisco in the middle of the winter. They didn't decorate the Cathedral much, since it was stunning on its own, and my Mom had holly and ivy in her bouquet, in-season winter plants.

How are you going to use your weddings location to inspire the decor (and save you money)?

What Matters

If you haven't already, you must read Ariel's Offbeat Bride post about a wedding that came down to what really mattered. We need to remember in the midst of monogrammed madness that we can count ourselves as blessed if we able to have our loved ones with us as we say our vows. All the rest is extra.

Simple Styling: The Buffet Table

First I tell you some crazy talk about how your wedding is not about details it's about, um, your love or whatever, and then I talk to you about a detail. Mwahahahaha. You can't pin me down.

Achem. As I was saying. I mentioned a while back that a simple and free way to class up your wedding is styling. Take elements you are already planning to have, and display them in a way that looks beautiful. Like many budget savvy brides, I'm thinking of the buffet option. Clearly, I will not be paying for each guest to have their own waiter. However, I live in fear of the giant aluminum buffet warmer. They are infinitely practical, I know, but they will bother me because I think they are ugly. So I've decided to bother my caterer (this is why I'm paying a caterer, I don't want to be insufferably bossy to a friend) to set up a lovely buffet table sans aluminum buffet warmers. This table is really classy option of a Mediterranean style buffet spread. And all it takes is food, linens, and plates. All things we are already paying for.

Picture: Martha Stewart Weddings

Tagged!

So, In This Instance tagged me ages ago, and I'm just getting to it now. I actually got tagged on a weird survey that asked me if I was single, and then later asked me when my wedding date was, which made me think they had been drinking while writing the questions. So, to heck with that, I'm going to play the game where I tell you 4 things you didn't know about me. Lets commence!

1) I read The Economist. In bed. Not a punch line, totally true. I'm that kind of a political junky. I like my New York Times in the morning, and my Economist at night.
2) You know how I write sort of, um, sassy posts? Yeah. I'm like that in real life.
3) If I had a superhero power, it would be networking. Like, I would change into a cocktail dress in a phone booth pull a wine glass from my purse and *Work That Room*
4) David and I knew each other in High School. While we were definitely friends, we didn't get along terribly well. So don't worry, it's not that kind of a romantic story.

Now I'm tagging a few women I'd like to know random facts about. Tagged are: Peonies and Polaroids, Prom To Altar, One Love Photo, and Jessamyn Harris.

Merry & Mark

I think this is my new all time favorite wedding, photographed by my new photography crush, Our Labor Of Love, in Atlanta. I really hope that at the end of all this planning, we are able to pull together a wedding this personal, stylish, and authentic. And yes, affordable.
Let me count the ways I love this wedding:
The bride made her super stylish dress (this dress makes me want to shelve all my lace ideas and do something like this).
Classic cars! Classic cars! Why would you ever use a limo when you could use a cool car like this?
Did I mention I love the dress? And the photography?
I. Love. These. Flowers. Jewel tones? Simple? Hip? Yes please.
They had their wedding at home, and it looked beautiful. I really think we underestimate how fantastic and personal a wedding at home can be. And no I don't mean a tented wedding in the backyard of your family estate.
This sweet personal picture makes me want to dash all of our plans and get married at my parents house, which actually looks a lot like this house. For those of you still figuring out what kind of wedding you want, you should consider doing a at home wedding. It's so affordable that you can afford things like stylish flowers and a kick *ss photography team.
It's official, I'm obsessed with Our Labor Of Love. They take pictures of such wonderful creative weddings, and their photographs are stunning while being really unpretentious. Love! Love! Love! Go check them out, and see more pictures of this awesome wedding here.

It's Not All In The Details

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say something that is really against current wedding, um, doctrine. So bear with me. Please don't send Martha Stewart to fire bomb my house. I mean, I love Martha Stewart's style, but she's sccccarryyy. Ok. Here goes. DEEP BREATH.

Your wedding is NOT all about the details. It is NOT the details that make a wedding. I mean, I like wedding details as much as the next girl! Look at my blog! Crafty cake toppers, floral arrangements, cool invitation ideas, I like them all. But I think, together, we need to get some perspective. You know what cool details make for? An awesome wedding album. You know what makes a great wedding? Joy. And serving the food on time (have I stressed this enough? For serious. They traveled for you. Feed them on time!)

If you have the time and energy, by all means, think about the details. If you can make your wedding more of a personal reflection of you and your partner, that's awesome. But lets be honest. I have been to countless weddings, big expensive weddings, small DIY weddings, and everything in between. And I can't remember a single centerpiece. Not one.

If you want to focus on something, focus on making the day a accurate reflection of you and your partner. Do things because you want to do them, not because the wedding industry is telling you they are the done thing. Your guests do not care about the fancy calligraphy on your escort cards. And they are not going to remember your wedding because it was the third one they went to this year with parasols and pashminas for all the guests. They are going to remember the wedding that was vibrant and joyful, not the wedding that felt like a (very detailed) photoshoot.

Awesome Map Invites

I love these crazy map invites from Omnivore. They are a little less formal then we personally would use for the wedding, but you can bet we'd use something like this for Save the Dates or an engagement party. Plus, you could stencil them yourself, and then print out huge copies (or teeny copies) at Kinkos. Also, I enjoy that it says "Festive Dinner."
And while we are on the subject of map invites, I think Kathryn of Snippet and Ink's idea for using maps as paper airplanes for Save the Dates is brillant. Things I like about it: You can do it yourself. You can use a map of someplace close to your heart or the location of the wedding. They fly. They are a little silly. (and I love silly).

Happy weekend everyone! I hope the weather where you are is as wonderful as the weather here! Lots to come next week.

Aly, Elroi & The Pirates

We're still celebrating the CA Supreme Court Ruling out here in San Francisco, so I can't resist posting this! I wanted to share this amazing Moulin Rouge-esq wedding with you because it is so cool, so stylish, so inspiring, and so unlike anything I've ever seen. I baffled why it hasn't made it's way all over the blog-o-sphere already. It was shot by the super talented Our Labor of Love out of Atlanta, if you are near Atlanta call them already. So here goes!

Meet Aly and Elroi:
This is so cool I might fall out of my chair. PIRATE bird cake toppers. It's like all my favorite things in one!Check out the reception hall! Moulin Rouge meets a wedding. I love it.

Super cool paper goods...And a stunning bouquet toss picture! Aly is rocking the non-white dress. Just goes to show, you should wear whatever makes you feel the most beautiful.

Marraige Is Not An Equal Right (just yet) BUT IT IS IN CALIFORNIA!

The California Supreme Court had overturned the ban on gay marriages. You should know, that when the news hit, I was at my computer, hitting refresh on my New York Times browser. (I might like talking about weddings, but in real life, I'm a political junkie). I was so overjoyed that I teared up, and David is still reading all 108 pages of the decision. We each celebrate in our own ways.

Hopefully it will still be legal next August. It's important to remember we have a long road ahead of us.

**Update: we just got back from The Castro, since we thought today would be a nice day, symbolically, to pick up my wedding ring, which was getting resized. A store had a sign up with a rainbow flag that said 'Proud to be a Californian' and I teared up all over again.**

Joy. And My Other Love, Brooklyn.

I LOVE this photo. Sadly, sometimes we don't see pure joy at weddings, it gets lost beneath the spray tan, and the teeth bleaching, and the "ivory or white or bone?" and the "dear god we'll never get out of the debt for this day," and the silly wedding etiquette. But this, right here, is what really matters.

Also, this picture really makes me miss Brooklyn, where we lived less then a year ago. Only in New York, would the subway riders not even look up for a bride and groom.

Photo Via Emin Photography.

Miya & Jordy's Personal Ceremony

I haven't written much about the actual wedding ceremony just yet, because David and I haven't started working on ours. We have lot of wedding chores to do before we get to that (really exciting) one. I do think it is odd that we focus so much of our energy and attention on the reception, when the ceremony is the most important part. That's the point of the day, right, getting married?

Style Me Pretty fetured Miya Hirabayashi's wedding this weekend, and while it was really lovely, what struck me what their personal ceremony. Miya wrote more about it on her blog, and the gist of it is this. Miya and Jordy asked married family members to get up and give advice about marriage, and then each family member asked them a question, and those questions formed their vows. Some of the advice was this (grab a tissue, this made me cry):

Talk about it, whatever it is. And remember that sometimes the best time to do so is later. When you marry, you are very focused on each other, but as you raise children it’s easy to get tired and distracted. After our last child went to college, Johnny wrote that a good marriage is when the children have left and you look at each other and smile and say, “Now I remember why I married you so many years ago.”

Another skill worth learning is the art of selective listening.

1. Laugh. Especially at yourself.
2. Hold hands
3. Hire a housekeeper. Now.
4. Learn to apologize well.
5. Validate validate validate.
6. Be adventurous—life is not a dress rehearsal. You will always be there to cover each others’ back, so together you need not be afraid to do things you may hesitate to do alone. When you are dangling out there together, you will rediscover the qualities that attracted you to each other in the first place, and which may, over the years, have been obscured by the responsibilities of day-to-day life. Don't hesitate to try new things or to move to far away places because as long as you have each other you will have everything you need. Also, wear earplugs.

This is such a meaningful way to make a ceremony more personal, without making it cheesy, and to really show that a marriage is more then just the two of you, it is the joining of two families, and takes the support of a community. It definitely has me thinking!

Thanks for letting me share your story, Miya!

Modern Flowers Volume II

I don't know what I love more here, the cheery flowers or the teal dresses.

Picture via Brides Cafe.

Wedding Budget Wednesday: City Hall Is Underrated

A few of you have emailed me, with maybe the slightest edge of desperation in your voice, commenting that you don't have a ton of money to spend on your wedding, and people are pushing you towards going into debt, because that is just what it takes to get married. This is so scary and horrible! A wedding should be a fresh start, and the idea of starting your married life saddled with a lot of debt from a one day party really sad. With that in mind I've decided that its time to make some old fashioned, classic, and affordable ideas hip and cool again.

What about getting married at the City Hall and having a little party afterwards?Maybe it is because San Francisco's City Hall is one of the most beautiful buildings I've ever seen, or maybe it's because I'm a little in love with the fashion and simplicity of the 1940's, but I sort of wish that we did things the European way, and had a civil ceremony in the courthouse before we had a religious ceremony. You can wear something simple and stylish, have only your closest family and loved ones with you, and then meet everyone else for a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant, or have a party at home. Its chic, affordable, super romantic and cuts out all of the expensive excess.

The thing I think is the coolest about having a ceremony at city hall, is that you will have wedding clothes that you can re-wear. One of my grandmothers got married in a civil ceremony, and a few years ago she pulled out a really worn lovely lacy blouse to show me. "This was my wedding blouse" she said, "But as you can tell, I loved it so much that I wore it until it fell apart."

Check out this bride rocking a short yellow dress at her wedding party, after her ceremony in the Rabbi's study. And Emily put together this set of mix and match outfits that includes some lovely ideas of what to wear for a simple courthouse ceremony. Also, look at photographer Jessamyn Harris and her husband all aglow at their ceremony at San Francisco's City Hall.

**Update: You must read all about Jessamyn's experience with a courthouse wedding in the comments. You'll run out on to the street, snatch someone up and run right to the courthouse to get romantic!**

Top photo via Flickr, Bottom photo via Frolic.

Sheer Bunting

I love this pretty sheer voile bunting via Peonies and Polaroids. This would be a great DIY project for a garden wedding. You could do it in other light colors, and the morning light streaming through it would be spectacular. I thought momentarily about making these for our wedding, but I realized that somethings are best left as they are. Our space has the tremendous advantage of being beautiful just as it is. However, if we were having a true picnic reception under the trees, I would definitely go for this.

Rich Is In, Poor is Out Out Out!

In case you haven't seen The Knot's article on Hot Wedding Trends For 2008, let me sum it up for you: buy at least two of EVERYTHING. I kid. I know you need more details, so here it is:

1. One wedding dress is not enough. Buy two. Ideally buy one princess dress and one mini dress. Everyone loves a bride in a miniskirt! Also, make sure you hire a hair and makeup person for the whole day, so they can change your hair style and your makeup between the ceremony and the reception. Remember! This is a show! Your guests expect full costume changes, and probably backup dancers. Hire backup dancers.
2. Grey is the new brown which was the new black. Hence grey is the new black. Chocolate brown for weddings is out out out. Grey is in! It's so festive and upbeat! Make sure all your bridesmaids wear grey no matter when or where your wedding is. Make them like it.
3. White is in. Not just your dress, but the whole reception should be white. Well, if it's not grey. Grey and white! Remember that. Colors are so 2007.
4. Lux is in! Over the top is in! Poor is out out out. Your centerpieces should be like nothing we've seen since Marie Antoinette. Feathers! Glitter! Live birds! Showstopping! Remember, Marie Antoinette may have been a spoiled selfish monster, but she knew how to party. And she ended so well, right? Plus, I'm pretty sure she loved cake!
5. Serve every kind of food you can think of. Each kind at a different food station. I know before we told you that buying two of everything was in, but that was a joke. Ha. Just buy every kind of food you can get your hands on. Ideally, have a professional sommelier to go with each food station. And at least 5 different kinds of wine per cuisine. Oh, and champagne. Also five kinds of champagne. Actually have a wine cellar.
6. Vintage is in! But not poor people vintage, Gilded Age vintage! Ideally, try to get a ring worn by a actual Rockefeller, but if you can't do that, go with a Guggenheim. Did we mention that over the top was in? It is.
7. Make your guests vote on everything. Have polls. Run focus groups. For gods sake, don't pick things because you like it, pick things because other people like it. Also: make sure you have a wedding blog.
   

Well, thank goodness. One down. Or is that two? Do I need two wedding blogs? Ahhhhhh.....

Picture: The Knot's idea of "vintage."

Midsummer Inspiration: Jewel Tones

This week I went back and looked over lots of the lovely inspiration boards that Abby has on Style Me Pretty. Two Boards caught my eye right away. I've loved them for a long time now, and I finally noticed the obvious. Oh! Right! They are both all done in stunning and deep jewel tones. Second obvious fact? Jewel tones are my favorite colors. So, I think I was missing a obvious choice for colors for the wedding. Both of these boards have a lush, midsummer depth to them, which reminds me that I don't have to go the dreaded pastel route!
Thank goodness, David and I have opted for the long and drawn out version of wedding planning, so I don't have to worry much about our color palate or style boards for a while. I think it's a mistake to get locked into colors and details until you know when, where, and what. What are you serving? What will your dress look like? What kind of a wedding party will you have? But, these are inspiring me, and keeping me thinking.

Marraige Is Not An Equal Right (just yet)

Since we've gotten engaged, I've found it personally upsetting that we are getting married in a country where our gay friends still can't legally get hitched. This has always been a issue I cared deeply about, but I was a little blindsided by how personal it suddenly became. Now, David and I are not those heterosexual couples that have decided to wait to get married till everyone can get married (clearly). We think there are more practical ways to fight for that kind of equality. But it bothers us both. We feel a little like we are crossing a picket line. Part of our more intense then expected feelings probably stem from the fact that we happen attend a LGBT focused synagogue here in SF. We know that when we get called to the Torah the Friday before our wedding, we'll be standing in front of our community, the vast majority of whom don't have the right to the legal, financial, and cultural benefits we are about to receive. And that just sucks.

So, we are trying to figure out how we want to deal with this during our wedding. We want to find a way to address this issue without getting too preachy about it. I tend to feel that a wedding is not the right place to drag out my soapbox and climb up onto it. So we are weighing options. We might put a small statement in the program. We've heard of people incorporating a reading from the Massachusetts Marriage Law into the ceremony, but its not super poetic, and it feels a little heavy handed for me. Ariel of Offbeat Bride handed off her bouquet to her lesbian aunts, but we don't have any lesbian aunts!

What do you think internets? Does this bother anyone else? Has anyone come up with a good (and poetic) way to handle this issue? I'm all ears. And for those of you that live in countries with better laws, Mazel Tov. You don't know what you're missing.

The Send Off

It's become derigour for the bride and groom to stay till the bitter end of the party, and then go out afterwards with friends to drink. I totally understand this impetuous, because people are in from all over the country to see you, and its your wedding, who doesn't want it to last longer? That said, we are considering doing something different. Since our wedding will be on Sunday we will have a chance to see people (and well, drink) earlier in the weekend, which is great because it means we can spend our wedding enjoying ourselves instead of greeting people we haven't seen in years. So, I'm thinking that we might go for the good old fashioned send off. We'll have a last dance with everyone else out on the floor with us, I toss my bouquet, everyone else tosses (something we are allowed to toss, birdseed?) at us, we dash to the car and drive away, off to the honeymoon. I think I want to enjoy the first hours of being married on our own with memories of our joyful send off.

What do you think?

Photo via Martha Stewart Weddings.

Cardigan, and something blue

Here is one more for the "I'm going to need something to keep me warm in the Bay Area in August" file. I like how a cardigan takes the formality of a wedding dress down a notch. Plus, you can re-wear your bridal cardigan, which is neat and sentimental.
I'm probably going to do the 'something blue' thing, which is oddly traditional of me, but I like its quaintness. I figure it might as well be my sweater/shrug/shawl and shoes.

Picture by Ann Hamilton, via Brides Cafe

What Your Guests Really Want

With all this talk about "guest-centric" weddings these days, which is a admirable goal, and one we are working towards. Its just that I think we've gotten the teeniest bit confused about what our guests actually want. Some examples:

Your guests might enjoy: Wearing those delicate pink pashminas you picked out to match the bridesmaid dresses.
Your guests WILL enjoy: Getting to wear their own pashmina that they picked out to match their own dress.

Your guests might enjoy: A cigar rolling station. (Well, YOUR guests might, mine would think I lost my mind).
Your guests WILL enjoy: You serving the d*mn food on time (no, not after 3 hours of bridal portraits).

Your guests might enjoy: Those gigantic center pieces you spent a fortune on.
Your guests WILL enjoy: Getting to chat with old friends during dinner. And see them across the table.

Your guests might enjoy: The silver frame you bought them as a favor, engraved with your names and wedding date.
Your guests WILL enjoy: A silver frame.

Your guest might enjoy: That half hour video montage of your lives and your love that you created for the reception.
Your guests WILL enjoy: Actually getting to talk to you one-on-one for five minutes during the reception.

Your guests might enjoy: Watching the dancers you hired to perform the Tango!
Your guests WILL enjoy: Getting to dance to Baby Got Back. Themselves.

Picture: What is that, a monument to your love? Would you want to talk around that?

Thinking Outside The (White) Box

If there is a better argument for thinking outside the box when planning your wedding, I haven't seen it. How is this for a stunning and meaningful bridal entrance? This from the groom:

Our wedding started with us advancing from different directions up to a veil that separated us. By virtue of the time of day, this was what I saw, which caused my heart to stop beating and the whole world slow down.

Pictures from Live Journal via Offbeat Bride.

A Sisterly Veil

Good news! My sister has volunteered to make my veil! Yay! For those of you just tuning in, she's also hand letterpressing our invitations. She's multi-talented, for a virologist. Anyway, the veil! This is exciting since it will save me a sizable amount of money and trouble, and because it will have sentimental value. I don't have a dress yet, but the veil is more or less decided (I think). I'm going with something simple and un-edged and elbow length, like in the picture above. I thought about not wearing a veil at all (more on that later) but I decided I might as well go for it, since that is one accessory I'll never get a chance to wear again. You even can't pull off a veil at the Opera these days. It's a shame.

When I was a flower girl at 9, the one piece of advice that the bride impressed on me was "Always make your own veil. They sell them at ridiculous prices." Being wedding-struck even then, I remembered this information. Twenty years later, its probably even better advice. In One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding (if you haven't read this book you must) you learn that a large part of the profit wedding salons make is in the bridal accessories. And it's easy to tell why. Veils that cost $5 to make routinely sell for $1,000. Thats bridal blindness, right there! In real life would you pay a GRAND for a piece of tulle? Even a bedazzled piece of tulle? I'm going to go with no. So get one made for you, make one yourself, or shop online (but you knew that...)

Picture: Martha Stewart Weddings, Summer 2007

Wedding Budget Wednesday: The Favor

Remember how I talked about brutally slashing parts of your budgets? Well, one potential place to cut is favors. I think favors are great if you and your fiancé have something that you really want to give to all your guests (if David and I do favors, you can bet they'll be wind up plastic monkeys wearing little veils and bow ties), but if you don't, skip it. We've somehow gotten to this place - thanks wedding industry - where we have all been convinced that its rude not to give favors, because it's part of etiquette. If you think this is true, call your mom or your grandmother right now, and ask her what kind of favor she gave out at her wedding. I can guarantee that this is going to be met with silence on the line, and then maybe the question, "What do you mean by a favor, dear?" The reason they are going to say that is because favors have been invented by the wedding industry in the past 15-20 years to give us something else to buy (and stress about). Last I checked, when you hosted a party, you didn't have to give your guests a gift too. "Thanks for coming to my dinner party, I bought you this potted plant!" The gift that you are giving your guests is, food, drink, and the pleasure of sharing your joy. For serious. You are spending a bunch of money on your wedding, you don't have to get them a bridal pez dispenser with your names and the date on it.

If your skipping favors, but you want to do something, what should you do? I think a really lovely gift to give your guests would be a hand written note. If you are doing escort cards, why not just make the cards a little envelope with their name and table number, and inside right each guest a short personal note saying how grateful you are that are here with you on your wedding day. How many times have you spent a boatload of time and money traveling to a wedding, only to talk to the bride or groom for 1.5 minutes, and not have a personal moment? Another (non-wasteful) idea is to let your guests take home floral centerpieces and vases at the end of the night. In the same vein, you can talk to your caterer about boxing up leftovers for your guests if there are any. If you are taking a big group picture at your wedding of you and all your guests (we are!) then you could always print the pictures inexpensively online, or make them into your thank you notes, and mail them out to your guests after the wedding. That will probably go right on their fridge. Ta-da, instant enjoyment.

Now, I know, this is where I'm supposed to recommend that you make a donation in honor of your guests to a charity. I've worked in nonprofit fundraising for years, so I'm always on the side of giving to philanthropy (do it, do it today). That said, somehow this smacks of "you have to spend $XX on favors or you are a poor host, so if you are not buying favors at least give that money to charity." You DON'T have to spend money on favors, so this is silly. If you want to start your married life with charity (tzedaka for the Jews in the house) that’s a great idea! Do it in your own names. And don't put it as a line item on the wedding budget.

Picture: I know, favors are stylish. Why not put a flower on the place setting instead? Something to tuck in the hair! Via Martha.

Twisting The Night Away

This is one of my all time favorite dresses. The thing I love the most about this wedding is the dress, it's stylish, lovely and unique (and it has a deep V in the back, in the center picture, I love that the most). To top it all off it was made by a friend of the bride, which makes it personal too.

In the end, if I end up having a short wedding dress, it may be this series of pictures that helped me make the final decision. If there is one thing I want to do at my wedding it's DANCE (and I want everyone else to be dancing too). At a party I like any kind of music I can dance to: klezmer, R&B, swing, soul, country, rock. I've started to realize that most wedding dresses are not made with serious dancing in mind. Maybe a teary eyed slow dance, but not the hora, the jitterbug, the twist, and the electric slide.

What do you guys think? Can you make a long (non poofy) dress work for dancing? Is short the way to go? What crazy tests should I be doing at bridal salons? (I'm getting a dress made of course, but testing samples at bridal salons.) Thank goodness I ruled out a train already!

Photos via Martha.