We have been setting up our seating charts this week (yes, yes, yes, of course we're seating people, we have lots of people that don't *know* other people and we need to sit them next to kind, chatty souls. Souls that they might like to make out with. Or whatever).Anywaayyy. So. We were trying to figure out who we should sit with, and we started dutifully assembling the requisite family table. And then we realized: Why are we sitting with our parents? We see our parents all the time! We'll see them all weekend! So eff it. We sat our parents next to their friends that they never see* so they could party, and we sat ourselves next to our friends that we never see so we could party.
When we broke the news to my parents, my dad said, "Good. Family tables have always seemed deadly boring to me. It's not a reunion of the 37th airborne, where you have to seat the entire command structure at the front of the room."
Indeed.
*Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course we are letting our parents invite their friends (though we did stick to the rule that we had to know said friends or no dice). I mean, it is a PARTY, we do want everyone to have FUN.
Picture: Studio 360
31 comments:
awfully sorry, in my just wokn up tn minutes ago state i thought I was reading a different blog, and half of what I said would have made no sense! The bits that did were this!- we aren't doing a top table either, in fact it was the first thing my mum insisted on to do with the wedding. One of my best friends did the same at her wedding last year, it works so much better, and also means you don't have to have that crazy long straight table where you and yours are lined up for viewing. you'l have so much more fun with your friends, as will your parents with theirs! Sorry I'm an idiot by the way!
Our reasons for ditching the traditional head table were different (two divorces... four parents and four step-parents on the same table? Um, I don't think so somehow) but it worked out brilliantly for us sharing the meal with our friends. Our families are so important to us, they were included in every other part of the day (ceremony especially) and preparations, so it was lovely to have one part that was about us and our mates.
Ooh, you're going to have such fun, Meg!
Josh and I really wanted to sit by ourselves so we did. I think people thought it was weird, but we were really happy, we had our seats right next to the "bar" in the bakery so we got to chit chat with everyone who got up to get a cocktail. It was great.
Oh I am so jealous. We tried to make the same argument to our families. His agreed. Mine would not budge on the family table issue, even though it is silly for the reasons you mentioned. At least our venue is small enough that no one is far away from us!
Love this. I've sort of been dreading the seating issues.
But how do you decide what friends to sit with? We thought about this option, too, but the agony of picking a handful of friends among so many made it easier to just sit with our parents!
Since we're doing long tables, Erika, we can fit a lot of people at one table (huge plus). David's parents are hosting a table with 30 people, which is great, since he has a huge family. Anyway, it turned out we only had two tables of friends (plus one table of freinds with tiny tots, which was sort of it's own sub group for seating). So! We put our two tables right next to each other. Our table is mostly our "attendents" (very informal group) with some other people we thought would be a fun mix. Everyone else is at the table *right* behind us.
Another reason long tables are great. They can fit so many people.
hm.
our parents were never sitting at the head table. but my mother would be awfully disappointed if she didn't get to host her own table (in the same way she would be awfully disappointed if she didn't have a wrist corsage).
but their table is their friends and i think that's lovely.
our wedding party is sitting at a head table of sorts, but then everyone else is at this ridiculous long tables that seat about 18 people. so, everyone can chat with everyone and see everyone all at once. and party. and, if half of them weren't already married, they could determine who to make out with.
oh, that is smart. long tables are lovely.
"Souls that they might like to make out with"
LOL! I'm always amazed at the brides who don't want people hooking up at their weddings! If we had more single women at our wedding, we totally would've followed this seating rule!!
I'm currently battling with the mister because he is even more freaked out about who we sit with than I am.
We don't want the sweetheart table, definitely do NOT want the head table, and sitting with his uncle, aunt and mother will bore us to tears during dinner. Sorry, but they're not exactly the type of people we can hang with. Yes, yes, yes - they're family, but we're not close at all.
So we opted to sit next to our attendants and their dates, and he feels this is wrong too. *sigh*
Any suggestions? I'm so done thinking about it...
We sat with friends, too. Loved it.
I'm dying to see some wedding pictures. Can you hurry up time and get married already?? Geesh! :)
I love your dad's comment, it just made my day!
And no, we aren't doing a head table either.
HAHA! That's all I have to say :)
I didn't want a head table, but the venue (my grandparents' property) really best accomodates a long head table and then several round tables for everyone else.
So we're sitting at a long table with our attendants (uneven numbers, gasp!) and their dates. We're not doing seating charts--it's almost entirely family and just a few friends and plenty of room for everyone. So we're leaving them to their own devices.
Oh my goodness. It's a week from tomorrow!
"It's not a reunion of the 37th airborne, where you have to seat the entire command structure at the front of the room."
best. line. ever.
I agree with turtlebird. I love your Dad's comment. Great deconstruction. Lacan would be proud. I just Wikipedia'd him and see he was rejected from the military for being too thin...And I personally hope you have LOTS of making out at your wedding. The best ones do.
I was thinking about this lately.
While I love a round dining table at home, I find myself just LOVING these long tables at weddings that are becoming popular.
Part of it is that I love the way arrangements look all lined up down the tables.
Yay for seating charts! I know, I'm usually all about the casual aspect of weddings, but I hate that feeling when everyone enters a reception and you don't know that many people and you start scrabbling for seats and feeling like the loser kid at the lunch tables because all the seats are being saved for someone.
Um, I guess I suffer from seat anxiety?
Totally, Rachel. And then you realized 10 minutes in, "Oh, god. I sat at the *sshole table. Do you think they'll notice if I take my plate and sneak away to that cooler seeming table over there? Hummmm...." I think everyone has seat anxiety.
And A - sit with who you will have the most fun with. It's your wedding. People will only dare talk about your choices behind your back, so WHO CARES!?!
We're nixing the traditional head table as well. Some family can't attend, and we don't want members of the wedding party to have to sit apart from their partners. Bride, groom, maid of honor and best man will sit at a rectangular table near the edge of one of our tents. All else will be seated with unassigned seating at round tables.
We are not sitting with our parents either. They have a good group of friends coming into town for this. People I have known all my life - and I'd like to give them the opportunity to catch up. As we are also not having a wedding party - those people we would have included in said party will be the ones we sit with. Works out in every way!!
We're having a sweetheart table. I don't think we're going to be sitting at it all that much, anyway, between getting around the room to see people and getting food from the buffet! My parents are sitting with family from out of town, and his parents are sitting with their best friends. Our main struggle (once the parents gave us their weird looks and got over it) is convincing the venue co-ordinators that we should get to put that sweetheart table wherever the hell we want to -- NOT with our backs to the band, thank you very much!
In my/our circle, the head table and sweetheart table traditions have been gone for some time, I think... I've never attended a wedding that had either.
We're doing a roomful of 8-person round tables, and thinking of assigning tables but not seats within tables (this would save so much hassle! and paper!) Anyone else done/doing this? I'm wondering if it will work well or not...
I think that not having a head table made it easier to walk around and talk to everyone. Grouping people felt like an art form. People seemed happy to sit with friends and family and made new connections. I ate at my table and don't think I returned after that. It would have felt strange to have an empty head table our wedding.
Our head table will mostly likely have our parents (well, our mothers; both our fathers have passed away), a few close immediate family members, and our friend/officiant and his wife. My partner's family is from the East Coast and we usually only see them once a year. We're not having a wedding party/attendants, but more like participants (for readings, etc.), and I think we'll have them sit at other tables with their partners, friends, etc. All our tables, including the head table, are rounds, which I like.
In any case, I'm hoping after lunch there will be a mixing and mingling kind of vibe as everyone visits with people at other tables, so the actual table assignments aren't too big of a deal. Hopefully!
@fleda: That's what we're doing, assigning our guests to specific tables, but not individual seats. I've been to several parties/weddings like that; it works out fine.
Rachel, I totally get seat anxiety! Plus, my mother has already ruled and said that there's no way her mother (who's 87) is going to have to run for a table (rightfully so!), so that's been decided.
fleda, I was thinking of assigning tables but not seats within tables as well. I think it'll cut out the scrabbling for seats, but still allow people a bit of choice.
Jeff, please let us know if it does encourage mixing and mingling! I hope so!
P.S. Just to follow-up, when I said it works out fine, my partner reminds me, it doesn't always! We were at a friend's wedding where they assigned tables (not seats), and our little group took our escort cards and placed them at our seats (about half of the table), and went away for cocktails and chatting.
We came back, and my partner's card was gone (we later discovered it had either blown away -- this was outdoors -- or was otherwise accidentally covered or misplaced), and the mother of the groom was sitting in his chair, and there were no free seats left at the table!
It was an honest action on her part (she didn't know someone was sitting there), and we couldn't very well ask her to move, so my partner had to sit at another table during lunch (there were very few tables, and we couldn't have both moved together), but then afterward we regrouped.
This mistake (inadvertently "overbooking" a table) could've happened whether the seats were assigned or not, but the lesson is to double- and triple-check that there are only as many people assigned to a table as there are chairs! ;-)
I hope this thread continues, because I don't have a plan yet. I don't like the "Last Supper" vibe of the head table, or the isolation of the sweetheart table - but whom do we favor with our presence? We're anticipating great big 12-person rounds. Planning to put parents with their own friends, Foxy Ladies with their respective cohorts...but what about us? Am thinking about a ghost seat at each table so we can split up and sit with one group for salad, a different group for dessert, etc. (it's a buffet), but space is at a premium. What we really need is portable stools. Love to hear ideas.
Indeed indeed.
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