It's funny how the seductive whispers of conformity can sneak up on you when you least expect it. We were walking into a banquet hall for a Bar Mitzvah this weekend, and walked past a gaggle of bridesmaids wearing the dresses I would be least inclined to dress anyone in (but the ones I dreamed about as a four year old) long, satin, frothy, pink concoctions. And suddenly there I was, staring and sighing.
Me: Don't you ever feel a little bit sad, and think maybe we should have dressed everyone in matching outfits for the wedding? Look at those girls....
David: Um. No. They look like they are going to prom.
Me: But weddings are like prom for grownups.
David: Grrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt.
Some days, you just can't win. Even with yourself.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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18 comments:
I absolutely know how you feel. My maids are wearing their own black dresses, and I sometimes wish they were all wearing the same cute dress from JCrew. HOWEVER, we must stand by the principal that we do not force our friends to buy a dress they wouldn't chose on their own!
If it's any consolation, the envy goes the other way too. My bridesmaids will be wearing identical navy J. Crew dresses. It's a cute dress, it was really inexpensive by the time it went on sale and I threw in a 30% off coupon, and my mom was nice enough to pick up the tab, so I feel pretty good about the choice. But whenever I see a picture of a mismatched bridal party (especially the same-fabric, different-necklines look) I breathe a little sigh of envy!
I often feel the same way about favors. I don't like the emotional pressure the WIC puts on us to "thank our guests for coming" by foisting some ugly candle or a tacky plastic swan upon them. But sometimes I see tables set with those cute little color-coordinated favor boxes and think "gee, are we sure we don't want to give out favors?"
wouldn't it be nice to have a wedding and an anti-wedding. the anti-wedding being where all the things you decided against would happen?
i completely relate to this. i feel like i am in constant conversation with myself in regards to do i want this, need this, or am i being told to have this.
i think the wedding industry taps into many issues we have as people and specifically women: conformity, feminity, beauty.
and bried in exile is right -- the second i make a choice on how to do something i see another way to do it and think "geez, i wish i had done that." letting go of that is also a constant conversation.
I have been inexplicably drawn to pink since getting engaged, even though prior to engagement I always pictured yellow. So weird.
I absolutely agree - I am trying very hard to be true to what I want and not backtrack on my decisions. I am confident with the choice I made to have my girls pick their own dresses based on colour swatches that I gave them... but then I irrationally worry that maybe the colours I chose will not work out well... sigh.... it is a never ending battle. I am so glad to hear that others are going through this too.
I thought you were going to talk about the clutch, as in the ubiquitous bags brides carry around.
Now, see, I am generally a woman who can't use little bags. I don't call them purses, either. I use old army surplus gas-mask bags or northwoods haversacks. Usually because I'll stuff a book in one.
Bridal clutches... they cannot do this.
(PS your friends will be grateful you do not stick them in something you just described as "frothy and pink". I promise.)
I have never in my life had any desire to put on a big, poofy dress. Even for proms, I wore short dresses. My wedding dress is flowy and free and hippie-ish. A few weeks ago I tried on my sister's wedding dress as a joke, and once I looked in the mirror, I was awestruck. It's a big, fat, cupcake of a dress with a boned bodice and a skirt that resembles a down comforter. I then understood why so many women want big, poofy dresses. It's freaking pretty! Then I realized that the dress weighs more than a large dog, and I just don't have the endurance to carry that around for a day.
kristensmellis - you are the bomb! I had a similar experience: tried on a big meringue dress (at David's Bridal no less) and went into a fit of giggles for about 20 minutes because "Wheee! I feel pretty!" Urrgghh. =/
Then my MOH slapped me upside the head with the train of the dress, and we promptly left.
Wresting my over-active designing mind away from the glossy wedding images I see (or am sent by well-intentioned friends) is a constant struggle. It's hard not to be snake charmed by all the fripperies because face it: some of 'em are just so darn pretty.
But they're not always entirely practical. Which is really the name of the game. My current struggle: centerpieces. My practical side tells me they must be modest because after the guests leave the table so they can get jiggy with it for the next 4 hours on the dance floor, no one will give a fig about a wilting floral centerpiece.
And still I want oodles of flowers. Never been a fan of pink, though. I draw the line there!
I completely agree! I want a simple and practical wedding but some days I think about what it would be like to spend thousands on useless stuff like matchbooks, tiaras, and sparklers. Thanks for reminding me not to get al bridezilla.
Having a two year engagement I have gone back and forth one hundred times. I think the only benefit is that I have some thing I bought that I am not using anymore and I can give it away on my blog! :) At least I am looking at the positive of wasting money, right?
About the dresses... I finally decided after a year and 1/2 of looking on my bridesmaids attire. It was so hard for me! I finially picked out a custom made summer dress from an etsy seller. She is dying them different colors.
My wedding dress I knew was mine the moment I tried it on. I ordered it and still love it BUT I secretly wonder if I should have got a long, princess looking dress!
I've been totally suffering matchy wedding invite envy! I've been price shopping bulk paper for the making of DIY invites- but keep finding myself staring wistfully at "elegant" or "modern" invitations- complete with ribbons and embossing and over priced (insert some expensive style of paper here)... I have to physically force myself to remember that I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on scraps of paper 90% of guests will not keep for 60 years. Same goes too when I look at extravagant bouquets or chapel length veils... sigh...
Pretty pretty princess dreams of a 5 yr old vs the budget savvy wedding aspirations of the bride I am. Its war!
It's goes both ways! I have matching BM dresses (not long or pink tho lol) and when I see gorgeous photos of mis-matched dresses that somehow go beautifully together, I second guess myself. You'd be wondering either way, trust me!
pink matching dresses = nightmare.
you and your non-matching dresses = dream come true.
I. Know. Sometimes I see a *ballgown* on this is glamorous or somewhere and I think, "I should have worn that!"
But come on.
LovelyBlogger - who is the etsy seller? I wonder if it would work for my purposes as well?!
A, I'm going through the same thing with centerpieces.
We're getting married in Boston in November, so there aren't a lot of seasonal flowers to choose from, and our venue is fairly ornate, so we don't need to add a lot of decoration... And yet, I can't stop drooling over floral arrangements.
I hear ya ... and I hear the above posters who say it goes both ways!
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